In the living room

Joey: Cereal, cartoons, pajamas. This is why God created Saturday.
D.J.: Let’s watch MTV.
Stephanie: No. Let’s watch Bugs Bunny.
Joey: But Steph, Bugs Bunny is kid stuff. We gotta watch Yogi Bear.
Stephanie: But I like Bugs Bunny.
Joey: Yeah, but Steph, every episode is the same. Elmer Fudd says “Why, you pesky rabbit.” Then he takes a shot at Bugs. Then Yosemite Sam comes in “Ooh, I hates that rabbit” And he takes a shot at Bugs. I mean, with all that shooting going on…I don’t know why Bugs ever pops his head out of that hole. Let’s face it. The rabbit has a death wish.
Stephanie: Better than watching Yogi steal the same picnic basket. Boring.
Danny: Morning, kids.
Joey & Stephanie & D.J.: Hi, Dad!
Danny: I don’t really see you eating cereal out of pots with wooden implements, do I?
D.J.: Yes, you do.
Danny: Great. After breakfast, why don’t we take this laundry to the bay…and beat it against some rocks? Joey, can you come with me, right now, into the kitchen please?
Joey: What, now? I’ll miss the start of Yogi.
Danny: It’s not Agatha Christie. You’ll catch up.
Joey: Girls, take accurate notes.

This is why これが~の理由だ。/こういうわけで~する。
kid stuff 子どもっぽい振る舞い、大人げない行い 初心者向け
pesky  うるさい、くどい、厄介な、迷惑な
implement 道具、備品、器具
catch up  追い付く、肩を並べる
take notes メモを取る

In the kitchen

Danny: Whoa! It’s Howdy Dirty Time. Joey, the deal we made was, this is your week to take care of the dishes.
Joey: I’m just waiting till the dishwasher’s full. There, now we won’t be wasting water.
Danny: Of course we won’t. There’s no room for water.
Jesse: Boy, what a night.
Danny: Jesse, what’s going on here? You said you would do the laundry.
Jesse: I did. I did mine.
Danny: What about everybody else’s laundry?
Jesse: Looks to me like they haven’t touched it, the lazy bums. Let me tell you this story. Last night my band’s playing this gig in Chinatown. A “sweet and Sour 16 party,” if you will. Anyway, I’m cruising home on my Harley. I come to a red light. I stop.
Danny: Great story.
Joey: And you told it great.
Jesse: Fellas, I’m building. I’m building. Anyway, the light turns green, right? I try to move. I can’t. There’s something wedged under my tire. Just then, this runaway street cleaner comes barreling through the intersection…right where I would’ve been. I came this close to being a really clean dead guy. Fellas, I’d like to introduce to you the little dude that saved my life…Bubba! I love this amphibian.
Danny: You just hate coming home alone, don’t you?
Jesse: I gotta get my guitar. Hold Bubba. Keep him happy. It just may save your life.
D.J.: Joey, where are you?
Danny: Don’t let the girls see him. They’ll want to keep him.
Joey: Hide him. Hide him.
Danny: Where?
Joey: The pot.
Danny: Okay.
Joey: Under the pot.
Danny: Okay. Great idea. Okay. There you go.
Joey: I don’t see a turtle.
Danny: Act casual.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Nonchalant.
Danny: Good word, “nonchalant.”
D.J.: Joey, Yogi may be smarter than the average bear…but he’s much dumber than the average 3-year-old.
Stephanie: What’s that?
Danny: That? That’s–It’s dinner. It’s roast beef. Yeah. Roast beef.
D.J.: And where is our roast beef going?
Joey: It’s going to the oven.
Stephanie: Roast beef comes from turtles?
Jesse: Not my turtle, it doesn’t. I love this amphibian.
Stephanie: I love him too. Can we keep him?
Jesse: Of course we can keep him. Bubba’s a hero.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, we’ll take care of him for you.
Jesse: All right.
Danny: Are you sure, honey? That’s a big responsibility.
D.J.: No problem.
Jesse: Let’s go get Bubba settled. He looks a little pasty.
Stephanie: what a great day. We get a turtle and Grandma’s coming to visit.
Danny: Stephanie. Sweetheart. Honey. Baby. Did you just say Grandma’s coming?
Stephanie: That’s what she said on the phone.
Danny: Well, why didn’t you say something?
Stephanie: Nobody asked me.
Danny: Steph, it’s not possible for me to ask you every question. Do you know how many questions there are in the world?
Stephanie: Eight!
Danny: What time is Grandma coming, honey?
Joey: Her plane gets in at 5:12, sugar hips.
Danny: Sweetheart, go upstairs and play with Bubba. Joey, how did you know about my mother?
Joey: I answered the phone when she called.
Danny: Well, why didn’t you say something?
Joey: Nobody asked me.
Jesse: Found a home for Bubba. It’s calm, cool, comfortable. Nobody flush, okay? All right, I’ll shred him lunch. I’ll swat him dessert.
Danny: Jesse, forget about the turtle. My mom’s on her way.
Jesse: Your mom’s coming back? She just moved out of here.
Danny: I know that, but she’s coming back to check up on me. She doesn’t think I can take care of things.
Jesse: What? The place looks great.
Danny: You don’t understand. All my life, somebody’s taken care of me. First it was my mom, then I got married and it was Pam. For the first time, I wanna prove to my mom and myself…that I can take care of my family on my own. By myself. Just me. That’s why I desperately need your help.
Jesse: What do you want us to do?
Joey: Yeah.
Danny: Jesse, take another shot at the laundry.
Jesse: All right.
Danny: Joey, see if you can wedge some detergent into the dishwasher. I’m gonna mop the floor.
Jesse: Bad news, Danno. We’re out of detergent.
Joey: We’re ditto on the dish soap.
Danny: And we’re out of floor wax. Let’s go shopping.
Jesse: Whoa! You’re in your pajamas.
Danny: Oh, I know. I just woke up. Oh, I get it. I gotta go put clothes on. Gee, I wish you could wear pajamas at the market.
Joey: He may need his mother.

room for ~のための部屋[空間・スペース]
What about  ~はどうですか?/~はどうなのか。/~はどうしましたか?
Looks to me like  私には~のように見える[しか見えない]
gig  演奏会、コンサート
if you will  可能ならば、いうなれば
wedged  くさび形の
barrel  急速に動く、突進する、迫る
dude  やつ、男、野郎
amphibian  両生類、両生動物
nonchalant  平然とした、のほほんとした
dumb  頭が悪い、ばかな、あほな、間抜けな、常識のない
get settled  〔人が新しい土地に〕落ち着く
pasty  顔色が青白い、しまりのない ネバネバ[ニチャニチャ]する
swat  ~をピシャリと打つ[たたく]
check up on ~を点検する、~を調べる
prove 〔~ということを〕証明する
That’s why  そんなわけで~だ、だから~なのだ
desperately  必死に、死に物狂いに、是が非でも、喉から手が出るほど
detergent  合成洗剤、洗剤、洗浄剤、浄化剤
ditto 同じこと・行為・言葉などを〕繰り返す

In the living room

Danny: D.J., let’s go. Stephanie, hurry up. Grandma’s gonna be here in T-minus seven hours and counting.
Joey: Can’t we wait till Yogi’s over?
Danny: Tape it.
Joey: Of course I’m gonna tape it. I tape all of them. It’s just that Yogi is so much better live.
Jesse: All right, we need turtle chow, leafy green…There’s no such thing as Fly Helper, is there? No, okay.
D.J.: I got baby diapers, baby wipes, extra baby clothes, and baby’s backpack.
Danny: Great.
Stephanie: Here’s baby apple juice…and baby biter biscuits.
Danny: Wonderful.
Jesse: The baby loves music. Do you think we should bring along the organ?
Danny: I got it covered. I’m bringing her crib blaster. Okay, troops…move out!
Stephanie: Don’t forget Mr. Pandy.
Danny: Oh, that’s right, honey. Michelle won’t go anywhere without Mr. Pandy. Let’s go. Everybody move it. I am so sorry. You won’t remember this, will you? How many times do I have to tell you? Make a tinkle before you leave the house. .

It’s just that ただ・・・です。
chow 食事、食べ物
bring along 〔物を目的地に〕携えて[持って]行く[来る]
get ~ covered  ~の備えをする、~に保険を掛ける、~をカバーしてもらう
troops  軍隊
Make a tinkle トイレに行く

In the kitchen

Danny: Coming up.
Joey: Coming up
Jesse: It’s up.
Danny: Coming up.
Joey: Coming up.
Jesse: Don’t we have one of these?
D.J.: I’ll take Michelle.
Stephanie: I hate this thing.
Danny: Only five hours before my mom shows up. Now, here’s the plan: I’ll do the kitchen. Joey, do the living room. Jesse, do the bedrooms. Now, who’s gonna do the toilets.
Joey & Jesse: Oh, girls.

Coming up 一丁上がり

In the living room

Stephanie: Giddyup, Bubba. Giddyup. Come on. Come on.
Joey: Can I go next?
Jesse: Look at Bubba. Have you ever seen a turtle that food with kids?
Danny: D.J., go put Annie Oakley in her bunkhouse. Jesse, find a corral for Trigger. Joey, I’m all out of cowboy metaphors, so let’s just put away the grub. I was wrong. I had one left.
Joey: Hey, we’ve been shopping all morning. How about a little Yogi break?
Jesse: Yeah, sit down with your family, here. Relax. Watch the bear.
Danny: All right. All right, but we’re just gonna watch until Yogi steals a picnic basket. Okay. He’s got one.
Claire: Hi…
D.J. & Stephanie: Grandma!
Danny: Oh, my God.
Claire: Oh, my God. My granddaughter is a turtle.
Joey: Michelle needs your love now more than ever.
Jesse: Give me that. This turtle saved my life. Bubba, Claire. Claire, Bubba.
Claire: Hi.
Jesse: I love this amphibian.
Stephanie: Isn’t he cool?
D.J.: Pet his head, Grandma. He really likes that.
Claire: Oh, he’s a reptile.
Jesse: Hey, back off. He’s been nothing but nice to you.
Danny: Mom, what are you doing here so early? Joey said you’d be here at 5:12.
Claire: Try 12:05.
Joey: I guess you had to find out sooner or later. My name is Joey, and I’m a time dyslexic. I would have told you earlier, but I’m just not sure when earlier is.
Claire: Girls, will you just go on upstairs and clean your room.
Stephanie: How did she know our room was a mess?
D.J.: Grandma vision.
Danny: Mom, don’t worry. We’re on the verge of a major cleanup. Aren’t we boys?
Jesse: Well, we were, but now what’s the point? No one cleans a house like your ma. Right, Joseph?
Joey: Oh, you’re awesome, Mrs. Tanner.
Jesse: Yeah. So why don’t we just get out of your way, and Claire, go nuts.
Joey: Absolutely. We’ll catch a movie or something. And Mrs. Tanner, if you happen to finish up before we get back…I’d just like to leave you with these two words: Lamb chops.
Danny: Don’t listen to him, mom. You can cook anything you want.

Joey: Honey, we’re home.
Danny: Boys, we’ve got some trouble.
Jesse: I’d say we got trouble. Look at this place. It’s a pigsty. I think your ma has lost her touch.
Danny: She doesn’t wanna clean up our mess. She wants us to do it.
Joey: She wants us to do it?
Jesse: What’s the matter? Can’t you handle your ma? You wimp. You’re totally mommy-whipped.
Danny: I suppose you’d handle your mom differently?
Jesse: I play my ma like a piano.
Claire: Well, I’m glad you’re back. Come on in.
Jesse: Your mom called our moms?
Irene: Hello, Jesse.
Mindy: Hi, Joey.
Jesse & Joey: Hi, Mom.
Claire: Yes, I thought that Irene and Mindy would be very interested to see how you boys keep house.
Danny: Okay, piano man. Why don’t you show the wimp how to tickle those ivories.
Jesse: Ma.
Irene: Jesse.
Jesse: Can I make you some tea?
Danny: Bravo. Bravo.
Jesse: Stop it.
Irene: No tea, thank you–Oh, tuck in your shirt.
Jesse: Ma!
Irene: Oh, Jesse.
Jesse: All right.
Irene: I remember when you were 8 years old.
Jesse: Oh, Ma, please don’t tell that story.
Danny: No. Tell. Tell. We love stories.
Irene: I’ll never forget it. My little Jesse tugged on my apron and said, “Mommy, can I please help you iron?” I said, “Sure. Finish the sleeves.” Must have been like when Babe Ruth picked up his first bat. To this day, he’s the only one I’ll trust with my chiffon blouses.
Joey: To iron or wear?
Jesse: Hey, man, to iron.
Claire: All right, enough of this talking. You boys have a lot of work to do. So where’s the vacuum cleaner?
Joey: Vacuum cleaner? We’ll handle this. Mom, let’s show them “the Hoover.”
Mindy: Great. You’re just gonna love this.
Claire: Mindy.
Mindy: Of course. Now, Joey. There was a time to have fun and a time to be serious.
Claire: Listen, girls. I think one of us should be here at all times…to see that things go properly. After all, this is where our grandchildren live.
Irene: You are so right. I can be here Monday through Wednesday.
Mindy: Well, I’m free Thursday and Friday.
Claire: That’s wonderful. And I can fly in…on the weekends. So it’s all settled.
Irene: Terrific.
Danny: Boys, we are staring into the jaws of a never-ending living hell.
Mothers: What?
Danny: No offense.
Joey: Moms, I don’t blame you for treating us like children. Because sometimes that’s how we act.
Jesse: Listen, girls, when we moved in here, we know we had some responsibilities to do…but we haven’t followed through. From now on, we’re really gonna buckle down.
Danny: Mothers, I have a proposition for you: You all go shopping for a couple of hours. And if this place isn’t clean by the time you get back…you can all move in here and just run our lives forever. Deal?
Mothers: Deal.

Giddyup  進め、はい◆馬を進ませるときの掛け声
bubba  たくましいやつ、でかい人などのニックネーム
bunkhouse  宿泊小屋
corral  〔家畜を入れる〕囲い
cowboy metaphors カウボーイごっこ
more than ever  ますます、これまで以上に
reptile  爬虫類
nothing but  ~にすぎない
dyslexic 失読症患者
on the verge of   今にも~しようとして
What’s the point?  要するにどういうこと?
pigsty  豚小屋、豚舎
wimp  意気地をなくす、怖がる  弱虫!
differently 違って
tickle  ~をくすぐる
ivory  象牙、象牙質    ピアノの鍵盤◆複数形で
tuck in  ~に押し込む、~にしまい込む
To this day  現在でもなお、
chiffon  衣類アクセサリー、レース、リボン
no offense  悪気はない
buckle down  身を入れる、専念する、精を出す、真面目に取り組む
proposition  提案、提議、建議
by the time   ~する時までに

In front of the bathroom.

Danny: Okay, there’s the bathroom.
Jesse: Yep. There’s the bathroom.
Joey: Same place it was last time we didn’t clean it.
Danny: Here’s a thought: Let’s see if the girls finished cleaning their room?
Jesse: Loving it. Loving it.

see if  ~かどうかを確かめる、~かどうかを見る

In the girls’ room

Danny: What happened?
Joey: There’s been a bedroom tornado.
Stephanie: We lost something.
Danny: Might that be your minds?
D.J.: We lost: mmmph.
Jesse: What exactly is: mmmph?
Stephanie: Mmmph is what you say when you don’t want to say…Bubba.
Jesse: You lost Bubba?
Joey: He loves that amphibian.
D.J.: We’re really sorry. We turned our backs for one minute, and he was gone.
Danny: It’s okay, girls. I’m sure Bubba is somewhere in the house.
Jesse: All right, guys, we’re gonna turn this house upside down…until we find that turtle. Ready, go.
Everyone: Bubba! Bubba! Bubba! Where are you?

I’m sure  きっと~に違いない。/~でしょうね。
turn ~ upside down  ~をあべこべにする、逆さにする、逆にする、上下を転倒する

In the living room

Stephanie: No Bubba?
Jesse: No Bubba.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, me and Steph will buy you another turtle.
Stephanie: You can have all my money: $2.58.
Irene: My advice is don’t clean anymore. Just move.
Danny: We’ll be right with you. We’re having a little family problem here.
Stephanie: We’ll look for Bubba for the rest of our lives.
Jesse: It’s all right. Bubba’s work here was done. I’m sure he’s out in the world saving other lives.
D.J.: You mean, you’re really not mad at us?
Joey: You didn’t think we’d get mad over a stinky turtle.
Jesse: Hey, if you had four armpits and you were an inch off the ground, how would you smell?
Danny: Girls–Girls, I know you feel bad. But that’s because you love Uncle Jesse and you feel like you let him down. I know that losing Bubba was an accident. You’ve got to understand…we’re right behind you no matter what you do.
Joey: And if you ever have a problem, we’ll be there for you.
Jesse: That’s right. And if we ever have a problem, you’ll be there for us too, right? All right. Come here, you little munchkins. Give us a hug. All right!
Danny: Next.
Irene: That is so sweet.
Jesse: All right. Enough of this warmth junk.
Claire: Oh, we’re gonna have a great time living here, right, girls?
Mindy: Oh yes, we are.
Irene: You bet.
Danny: Just a minute, ladies. We would like another shot at this, please.
Joey: Why don’t you take the girls to the zoo for three hours?
D.J.: Yeah!
Stephanie: Yeah!
Jesse: We got some work to do. All right?
Claire: All right.
Adults: And break!

Joey: I split my pants!
Danny: Can’t stand my pants. Okay, guys. We made it with five seconds to spare. Come on. Everybody up. Let’s go. Five….
Joey: All right. Okay.
Danny: …four, three…
Jesse: Cool. Casual. Calm.
Danny: …two, one.
Jesse: All right.
Claire: We completely lost track of the time.
Irene: Oh, it’s immaculate!
Stephanie: Grandma Irene, does this mean hell is freezing over?
Danny: Go on, find a speck of dirt, a microbe of filth. I double dare you.
Mums: Okay.
Irene: All right.
Guys: Hey! Whoa! Whoa!
Danny: That’s not where those go.
Jesse: You take grandma goodies upstairs and put them in the toy box now.
D.J.: Whoa.
Stephanie: Whoa.
D.J.: And he used to be the easy one.
Joey: Hold it! Hold it! You are about to enter a sterile environment.
Jesse: Don’t even think about it!

You can have it それ、あげるよ。/それ、持ってていいよ。
I’ll be right with you すぐ参ります。かしこまりました。
get mad  腹を立てる、怒る
armpit 脇の下(のくぼみ)、腋窩
no matter what  たとえ何があろう[起ころう]と
warmth  熱心さ、熱情
immaculate  汚れ[欠点・誤り]のない、無傷の、清潔な、純潔な、一点の曇りもない
speck  少量、しみ、小さい点、小さな腐り傷
filth   ごみ、不潔なもの、汚物、汚い
I dare you  (やれるもんなら)やってみろよ
goody  菓子、おいしいもの、ごちそう、楽しいもの
sterile  殺菌した、消毒した、無菌の

In the kitchen

Jesse: Ma, what about those creases, huh?
Irene: Jesse, you still have your touch!
Danny: Perfect. Everything is just perfect.
Joey: Look, mom. You could eat off these dishes.
Claire: Congratulations I am really proud of all of you. Oh, honey.
Mrs. Sianski: Sorry. Banks’ closed. Can you pay in cash?
Joey: Mom, I’d like you to meet my fiancee, Jennifer.
Mindy: You gonna give me a grandchild?
Mrs. Sianski: Not for this kind of money.
Danny: Here you go, Mrs. Sianski. Thanks for everything. See you next weekend.
Moms: Oh, sure.
Danny: OK, so we had a little help.
Jesse: Well, just with the hard stuff. And the toilets.
Joey: But we make a great team.
Danny: From now on, things are gonna go a lot smoother around here.
Claire: I’m sure they will. Does that mean you won’t need us anymore?
Joey: They’re good.
Jesse: Of course we still need you. You girls come by and visit anytime.
Claire: OK, listen, I have to admit I was worried how you boys…were managing the girls. Well, you may be a little sloppy, but those kids are getting a lot of love.
Danny: Thanks, Mom.
Claire: Honey.
D.J.: Aw, this is nice. I wish Bubba was here to share this. Bubba!
Stephanie: I found him. I love that amphibian!

creases  〔紙・布などの〕折り目 〔布・皮膚などの〕しわ
could eat off  食べることができるよ
in cash 現金で