第2話「子守歌はロックンロール」

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We beat our old record by 37 minutes.

「前回の記録を37分更新したぞ」

I’m about to make a quantum leap in diaper theory.

「おむつ交換の画期的方法を閃いた」

I’m about to ▶ まさにしようとしている

quantum jump in▶飛躍的進歩[改善], めざましい進歩 〔in〕.

Go with it.

「やってみて」

If we triple the diaper … we get three times the protection, but we change her one-third as often.

「おむつを三枚重ねにすれば、効果は3倍に膨らみ、しかも変える手間は3分の1になる」

triple ▶〈…を〉3 重[3 倍]にする.

as often (as) ▶ (1) …するたびごとに. (2) …回も.

Whoa, snag in the plan.

「おっと、これはいまいちだな」

snag▶枝株.倒れ木,沈み木.思わぬ障害[故障,欠点]

I suggest we go with a lovely two-piece ensemble from Baby Armani.

「やっぱりここはブランド物で上下ビシっと揃えたほうが決まるんじゃないの?」

ensemble ▶ 全体; 全体の趣,全体的効果.

Big deal. You’re talking about a guy who wore diapers his entire life.

「あっちはずっとおむつのまんまだもんな」▶「なーんだ。ずっとおむつを履いてるヤツのことを話しているね」

big deal ▶  [皮肉の意をこめて感嘆詞的に] たいしたものだ,いやごりっぱ.たいしたことはない!, なーんだ!

I’ll take it from here.

「あとは僕がやるよ」

Next time you see me, I’ll have a big surprise for you.

「次会った時は、でっかいプレゼントを用意しておくわ」

Over my bunnies?

「私のうさぎは?」▶「私のうさぎは終わっちゃったの?」

I’ll make one up!

「わかった」▶「もう〜じゃぁ一個作るよ!!って感じのニュアンス」

Not only am I a great dancer but you can hang coat on my antlers.

「僕はダンスが超ウマイし、君のコートを角にかけさせてあげるぜ」

Kids love this stuff. 

「これが受けるんだよな」

Guys, the only way that three adults can leave the house at the same time … is if three children are with them.

「大人が3人家を出れるのは、子供3人がついて来る時だけだ」

Why not?

(1) [相手の否定の言葉に反論して] なぜいけない[しない]のか, いいではないか; していいはずだ.

(2) [ある事を提案して; 動詞の原形を伴って] …してはどうかね.

(3) [相手の提案に同意して] よかろう, そうしよう.

how can you compare that to telling  jokes?

「どうやってお笑いと比べるんだ?」

I’m pretty hip , here. You guys think I’m an idiot or something?

「お前らおじさんのことアホだと思ってるんじゃないの?」「オレはかなり物知りなんだ。オレのことアホか何かって思ってない?」

hip ▶ 最新情報に通じている,もの知りの; ナウい.

Does “pep” mean you can’t blink?

「それって目が開きっぱなしってこと?」

pep▶元気,気力.  blink▶〔動詞(+at+(代)名詞)〕〔…に〕まばたきする,目をぱちくりする 《★【類語】 wink は人に合図をするためにまばたきをする》.

Could you show me how do that?

「どうやるのか教えて」

I bet my dad forget to tell you about our 11:00 pizza.

「11時にピザを食べること伝えるのをわすれちゃったのね」

bet▶〔(+目的語)+(that)〕〈…であると〉〈人に〉(賭けて)主張する,断言する.

I bet (you).▶(1) 確かに, 大丈夫, そのとおり.(2) [疑いを示して] 怪しいもんだ, さあどうかね.

You bet! ▶(1) 《口語》 きっと, もちろん, そのとおりだ, いいとも.(2) 《米口語》 どういたしまして.

You’re in just as much trouble as they are

「お前たちも同罪だぞ」▶「君らも彼らと同じくらい問題だぞ」

as much (…) as…▶…と同じ程度に(…).

You were irresponsible. You were unreliable.

irresponsible▶責任を負えない,責任のない.  unreliable▶当てにならない,信頼できない.

I had nothing to do with it.

「俺なにもしていないよ」

Imagine a sharp, pointy, calcified projectile ripping and knifing its way … through your soft, tender, inflamed gum tissues.

pointy ▶鋭い calcified▶石灰化した  projectile▶投射[発射]する,推進する.  knifing▶へら付け  inflamed▶〈体の一部が〉炎症を起こした,赤くはれた.  tissue▶[集合的には 【不可算名詞】] 【生理】 組織.

Is this anything like catching the bouquet?

「花嫁が投げるブーケみたいだな」

Well, your brain’s not working tonight, but your  finger’s doing great.

「頭は今夜役に立たなかったけど、指は役に立ったわけだ」

Do me a favor.

「お願いがある」

 I’d like a word alone with the alleged babysitter.

「この自称子守のプロにちょっと話があるんだ」

alleged▶申し立てられた,うわさによる.

I suppose I should be happy the house is still standing.

「家を壊されなかっただけ良かったよな。」

I must have been crazy to think you were adult enough to take care of my kids.

「君にこどもの世話をさせようとした僕が間違っていた」

You really let me down.

「君にはがっかりしたよ。」

Oh, the sick fiend.

「悪いやつだ」

fiend▶悪魔,悪霊,悪鬼,鬼.鬼のような人,残忍[冷酷]な人.

In fact, this may be a matter for the police.

「警察にも言わないとな」

matter for▶考えるべき問題

matter for congratulation▶目出度い事; 慶事; 喜ぶべき事

No probably about it, because otherwise you’d be lying

「でなければ、お前たちが嘘をついていることになるぞ」

The thing I wonder is, what’s life all about anyway?

「人生なんてものはホントわかんないものだよな」

From now on, We’ll be good and do whatever you say.

「これからはいい子になってなんでも言うこと聞く」

From now on▶これからは whatever▶その他何でも, …とか何とか.《主に米国で用いられる》 [一語で用いて] なんなりと, 何でも.

But next time you pull that stuff on me… I’m still gonna love you.

「だけど今度おじさんを怒らせるようなことしたら、、やっぱりまだ好きだな。」

What the hell

「よくやるよ(呆れて)」

1) どうということはない, たいしたことはない.(2) 一体全体どうなっている.

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In Michelle’s Room
Jesse: All right
Joey: And the diaper is on.
Jesse: Beautiful! 17 minutes. We beat our old record by 37 minutes.
Joey & Jesse: Baby wipe.
Joey: Hold it. I’m about to make a quantum leap in diaper theory.
Jesse: Go with it. Go with it.
Joey: If we triple the diaperwe get three times the protection, but we change her one third as often.
Jesse: Loving it. Loving it. We put two diapers together, and Michelle Tanner, come on down!
Joey: The other way to go is to tie a Hefty bag around her waist. That way we’d only have to change her on trash day.
Jesse: Junior jammie time. Ha!
Joey: It’s you.
Jesse: All right. Here we go. We put the leg in like so. We simply…uh…We tie. We tie. We simply tie like this.Very nice.
Joey: Whoa, snag in the plan. I suggest we go with a lovely twopiece ensemble from Baby Armani.
Jesse: Using your head, Joseph. Using your head. All right. Hey. Here you go. Yeah.
Joey: Oh yuppie, baby.
Jesse: Oh, this is good.
Danny: Ok, I got the girls in
Joey & Jesse: TADA!!
Danny: Gentleman, Tarzan, who was raised in the jungle by apeswent to bed in better shape than that baby.
Jesse: Big deal. You’re talking about a guy who wore diapers his entire life.
Danny: I really appreciate the effort, but I’ll take it from here.
Jesse: Oh,  yeah, sure, now that all the work is done. Good night, Michelle.
Joey: Good night, Uncle Jesse. Next time you see me, I’ll have a big surprise for you. I don’t care how many diapers I have on. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.
Danny: Give me my kid. Oh! You really are a good sport.

In Jesse’s Room
Stephanie: Hi, Uncle Jesse.
Jesse: How you doing, kid?
Stephanie: What’s happened to my room?
Jesse: Looks pretty cool, huh? Look at this, I‘m hanging Elvis up right here.
Stephanie: Over my bunnies?
Jesse: Well, Steph, your bunnies are very pink.
Stephanie: My mom made those bunnies just for me. Don’t you like them?
Jesse: These bunnies. I love these bunnies. I’m sure Elvis had bunnies hanging all over Graceland.
Danny: Ok, it’s riddle time. What had blond hair, purple pajamas, and is way past their bedtime?
Stephanie: Um…Elvis?
Joey: Steph, the Sandman Express is coming. All aboard!
Stephanie: HO HO
Jesse: You see that? Any of your ape friends do that for Tarzan?

In D.J.’s room
Joey: Last stop, Stephanie’s bed.
Stephanie: Thank you, Sandman Express.
Joey: And the Sandman Express runs every night.
D.J.: If I get on now, will you drop me off at the nearest hotel?
Danny: Okay, lets say good night.
Jesse: All right. Good night, junior babes.
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, tell us a bedtime story.
Jesse: Uncle Jesse doesn’t know any bedtime stories.
Stephanie: Yes, he does.
Jesse: No, he doesn’t.
Stephanie: Yes, he does.
Jesse: No, he doesn’t.
Stephanie: Yes, he does.
Jesse: I’ll make one up!
Stephanie: Yeeeeahhhhh!!!
Jesse: All right, fellas, help me out here.
Joey: We’ll make it a game. Steph, you start the story, and you girls point to uswhen you want someone to take over.
Stephanie: Okay. Once upon a time, there was a pretty girl named Cinderella. Daddy.
Danny: And uh Cinderella wanted to go to this big fancy ball. And on the way she wandered into this cabinand she fell asleep in Papa Bear’s bed.
Stephanie: I don’t think so.
Danny: No, wait, honey. It gets better. So shes on the bed, she’s out like a light when all of a sudden
Stephanie: Joey.
Joey: Um, when Cinderella woke up, she was real thirsty…so she went to a 7-Eleven for a Slurpeewhere she ran into Bullwinkle. So Bullwinkle says, “Hello, Cinderella. Would you like to come to the ball with me? Not only am I a great dancerbut you can hang your coat on my antlers.” Kids love this stuff. So…
D.J.: Uncle Jesse!
Jesse: So Cinderella and Bullwinkle, they get married, right? They go on The Newlywed Game…and they win a grand prize selected especially for them. Good night.
Stephanie: Daddy.
Danny: Untilthe Big Bad Wolf came over. And he said, “Open upor I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow you’re house down. And I can do it too, because as we all knowwolves have an amazing lung capacity.
Stephanie: Joey!
Joey: So–
D.J.: Uncle Jesse!
Jesse:
So the wolf, the moose, the babe–They all fell in love, right? They moved to Sweden, where the people are a lot more cool about sort of thing. And that’s the end of the story. Good night and goodbye.
D.J.: No monsters, no witches, but that story was very scary.
Danny: Okay, sweetheart. It’s time to go to bed.
Stephanie: Can I ask one more favor?
Danny: Sure, honey. What is it?
Stephanie: Study these storybooks. We’ll talk about them in the morning.
Danny: Okay, who wants Puddleduck and the Quack Quack Gang?
Jesse & Joey: Read it!

In the living room
Jesse: Oh, Joey, Danny, how you guys doing? Good night.
Danny: Wow, wow. Hold it, guys. Red light. Guys, the only way that three adults can leave the house at the same timeis if three children are with them. Two adults can leave. One adult can leave. Three, two or one child can leave with one to three adults…but three adults can never leave with less than three children. Got it?
Jesse: Look, thats all fascinating, but Ive got band rehearsal.
Joey: Yeah, and I have a 10:30 slot at the Laugh Machine.
Danny: I have to do the sports at 10:00. I’m sorry, Jesse.
Jesse: What do you mean, “I’m sorry, Jesse”? Why not I’m sorry, Joey,” or I’m sorry, Danny?
Danny: Because I have an actual job that pays money.
Joey: And I bring the gift of laughter into the world at 10:30.
Jesse: Yes, well, I make music. Songs that touch peoples hearts, that penetrate their very souls. Now how can you compare that to tellingjokes?
Joey: Are you seriously trying to tell me that music is more important than comedy?
Jesse: You got it, pal.
Joey: Two words: Ozzy Osbourne.
Jesse: Two more words: Rip Taylor.
Joey: The Partridge Family.
Jesse: Anyone on Hee Haw.
Joey: Charo.
Jesse: Bozo.
Joey: Hey. Bozo did some brilliant work.
Jesse: Oh, yeah right, right. The early Bozo was real good. I’m sorry.
Joey: Okay. We’ll settle this the only truly fair way. Ready? Go! Once again, comedy kicks musics butt.
Danny: I’m sorry man. All three girls are sleeping like angels. I know I could trust you. Jesse. If there’s even the slightest problem.
Jesse: Yeah, yeah. Go live your life. Hey, babe, it’s fine. I’ll just give up my dreams of success in the music business. I’ll sit home and read Hunny-bunny in the Wee Little Glen.
Danny: I couldn’t put it down.
Jesse: Get out of here.

In the kitchen
D.J. & Stephanie: Hi, Uncle Jesse.
Jesse: Hi, girls. Girls. You’re supposed to be in bed. Girls! Wow, wow…girls, girls…aren’t you supposed to be in bed, dreaming about Tweety Bird or Big Bird or Larry Bird or something.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, if we get hungry, Dad always makes sure we have a latenight snack
Stephanie: We’re gonna have ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk.
D.J.: And cookies.
Jesse: Freeze, chick. All right. I know. I’m pretty hip, here. You guys think I’m a, I’m an idiot or something? Let me tell you something. I know what’s going on here. Your dad’s gone, and it’slets take advantage of the babysittertime. Well, I got news for you, girls. Your Uncle Jesses a little too sharp to be taken on that kind of ride. Now you guys can have ice cream and chocolate milk. No cookies.
Stephanie: Yeah!
D.J.: Okay.

In the girls room
Stephanie:
(singing) Z, my name is Zippy And my husband’s name is Zorro. We come from San Francisco With a carload of zebras. A, my name is Alice–
D.J.: That’s enough jump rope. Lets do the handjive.
Stephanie: Okay, but I can’t stop jumping. I may never sleep again. Thanks.
D.J.: Two bowls of ice cream sure gives you a lot of pep, huh?
Stephanie: Does pep mean you can’t blink?
D.J.: That’s pep. Party time.

In the living room
Jesse: Fellas, I got three little girls upstairs, sound asleep. Sticks. Licorice. All right. Here we go. Jumpin Jack Flash in B. Ready. One, two, three, four! (singing)I was born in a cross fire hurricanes. What’s the matter? Someone out of tune?
Stephanie: Do you guys know any Bangles stuff?
Jesse: Wow, wow. Girls! You’re supposed to be in bed! What would your dad say about this?
D.J.: He wouldn’t mind. He’d say we’re really lucky to have a chance to listento the greatest rock band in the world.
Jesse: Oh well, yeah, if you put it that way. Yeah, Okay.
D.J.: Great hair. Could you show me how to do that?
Woman: Sure, it’s really easy. It just sprays right on.
D.J.: Oh, thats for me.
Jesse: Wow
D.J.: Oh, I bet my dad forgot to tell you about our 11:00 pizza. Hi. How much?
Pizza Man: $11.50.
D.J.: Did the cheese slide off or stick to the box?
Stephanie: No.
D.J.: Keep it.
Pizza Man: Hey, do you mid if I check out the band?
D.J.: Come on in. Open party!
Jesse: All right, girls. Listen here, now. It’s almost midnight. You guys listen to two, three songs max. You eat your piethen straight to bed, no nonsense.
Stephanie: Boy, are you strict.
Joey: Conga! Boy are you gonna get it.
Danny: Attention, Solid Gold farm team. It’s 12:15, and your hair is purple. Get down, and I don’t mean “get funky.” Boy, boys, boys. Walk with me. Talk with me. How could you possibly let this happen?
Joey: Hold it. On behalf of Joey, I would just like to say that Joey is innocent. Well, it’s true I was doing a conga when you walked inbut I conga a lot. My name is Joey, and I am a conga-holic.
D.J.: Well, it’s way past our bedtime. Come on, Steph. Good night, everybody.
Danny: Girls, get back over here. You’re in just as much trouble as they are.
D.J.: Dad, I know we‘re supposed to be–
Jesse: D.J., hang on a second. It’s not the girls fault. It’s mine. I invited the band over. I woke the girls up. I ordered pizza. I was throwing a party. I needed chicks
Joey: Baby alert. Beep. Beep. Baby alert!
Danny: You girls get right into bed. You guys, follow me. And if that babys hair is purple…You were irresponsible. You were unreliable. I’ll get back to you.

In Michelle’s room
Danny: Oh, Michelle. Oh, honey, it’s okay. Daddys here. I see what this is. Michelles getting a new tooth. Oh, that really hurts.
Jesse: I had nothing to do with it.
Danny: Poor baby. Imagine a sharp, pointy, calcified projectile ripping and knifing its waythrough your soft, tender, inflamed gum tissues.
Joey: I say we buy her a pony.
Danny: Sometimes a teething ring helps. Here, Michelle. Here you go. Here, honey. She loves it.
Joey: Is this anything like catching the bouquet? Am I the next one to have a baby?
Jesse: All right. Excuse me, fellas. Let the pro in. I’ll show you how it’s done. All right, little munchkin. Where does it hurt? Wait a minute. Give my finger back, kid.
Danny: Well your brains not working tonight, but your fingers doing great. Joey, do me a favor. I put one of Michelle’s teething rings in the freezer. Id like a word alone with the alleged babysitter.
Joey: Jesse, I guess it’s a bad time to ask for that girl singer’s phone number.
Jesse: Get out.
Danny: Well, well, well.
Jesse: What, what, what?
Danny: Shame, shame, sheme.
Jesse: Fell like I’m being chewed out in the Grand Canyon.
Danny: I suppose I should be happy the house is still standing. I must have been crazy to think you were adult enough to take care of my kids. You really let me down.
Jesse: Wait a minute. Where you going?
Danny: Oh, thought I’d call up the Beastie Boys and ask themif they wanna take the girls to the park tomarrow.
Jesse: You love this, don’t you?

In Stephanie and D.J.’s room
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse’s the best babysitter we ever had.
D.J.: Yeah, but I think he’s in big trouble. Get into bed. No, no. Your bed!
Danny: Girls? Are you awake?
D.J.: Dad, is that you?
Stephanie: Is it morning?
Danny: D.J., Stephanie, please come over here right now. Girls, we have a problem with Uncle Jesse.
D.J.: Oh, no, Dad, we didn’t have any problems with Uncle Jesse at all.
Danny: I’m sorry. He was just so irresponsible. What is this? Uh-oh?? Empty bowls and empty cartons. Oh, now I see what happened. Uncle Jesse forced icecream sundaes and chocolate milk down your throats…and then he hid the evidence under your table. Oh, the sick fiend.He probably ignored you when you told him no sweets after bedtime, huh?
D.J.: Probably.
Danny: No probably about it, because otherwise you’d be lying. And you know better than that, don’t you?
Stephanie: Probably…
Danny: Well, that does it. I guess asking Uncle Jesse to move in here was a big mistake. In fact, this may be a matter for the police. Now, sweet dreams, my perfect little angels.
Stephanie: Daddy.
D.J.: Dad.
Stephanie: We were bad.
D.J.: We did everything. We even ordered the pizza. We should all go apologize to Uncle Jesse.
Danny: You’re right. You go first.
D.J.: Are you gonna punish us?
Stephanie: Before you answer that…We saved you a slice of pizza.

In Michelle’s room
Jesse: Good point, Michelle. The thing I wonder is, whats life all about anyway? I mean, 24 hours ago I was a relatively cool guy. Today, I’m a sixfoot teething ring. All right, bed time. We’re going to my bed. Come with me. Come on, let’s go. Okay, hang on. I‘ll put it back.There you go. Come with me.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse.
Jesse: Whatever it is, the answers no.
D.J.: We just wanted to say thanks for trying to keep us out of trouble. The only reason we took advantage of youis because you had no idea what you were doing.
Stephanie: From now on, well be good and do whatever you say.
D.J.: Steph, don’t get crazy. We’ll try to do better.
Stephanie: You can cover up my bunnies if you want.
Jesse: That’s all right. Your bunnies are growing on me.
Stephanie: We really love you.
Jesse: Well, I love you girls too. But next time you pull that stuff on me. I’m still gonna love you.
Danny: Okay, now either you girls go to bed for realor I’m taking everything out of your room and turning it into a 24hour minimart.
D.J.: Good night, everybody.
Stephanie: Good night, Daddy. Good night, Michelle. Good night, Uncle Jesse.
Danny: Good night, honey. Hi.
Jesse: Hi.
Danny: Want a piece of pizza?
Jesse: No. Me and the little leech are gonna try to get some sleep.
Joey: I couldn’t find Michelle’s teething ring, so I got the next best thing: An ice cold carrot. What? I could’ve brought the fish sticks, but you guys would’ve thought I was an idiot.
Danny: Look JesseI want you to know it was really nice of you to take the rap for D.J. and Stephanie. And I’m real sorry I got so crazy beforewalking around you going, “Well, well, well.
Jesse: It’s cool, cool, cool.
Danny: The girls just mean so much to me. Especially now, you know, since Pam’s gone.
Jesse: I know what you‘re saying, man. I worry about them too. They’re my nieces. But I don’t know nothing about this kid stuff.
Danny: Yeah, I know, but both you guys, you gotta remember: Don’t be afraid to say no. Kids need limits.
Jesse: How am I supposed to know? I’ve been here 12 hours, you’re expect me to be Robert Young.
Joey: Now, wait, I’m confused. Is it Robert Young from Father Knows Best or Robert Young, Dr.Welby?
Danny: This is gonna take some time…but we can make this work if we want it to work. Jesse, you do want this to work, don’t you?
Jesse: Well, at first I wasn’t sure…but when I saw that kid telling me I could cover her bunnies upand I was looking at that little baby, counting on me to stop her painI don’t know, I got all warm and tingly—And somebody stop me.
Joey: You know, I’m just happy to be here. I was an only child. All I had was imaginary brothers and sisters. It feels great to be in a real house with real people. Right, Leon?
Danny: Give me my kid. Okay Michelle. It’s t ime to go to bed. Yeah. (singing)Lullaby and good night And there’s more words I’m not sure of….
Joey: Conga!
Jesse: What the hell. Come on, Leon.




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