第54話「ア・ブ・ナ・イ・男」

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In D.J. & Stephanie’s bedroom

Danny: Okay, girls, we have to name our new puppy. Michelle, do you have a name for the puppy?
Michelle: Yes. Michelle.
Danny: But that’s your name.
Michelle: I like my name.
Stephanie: Mr. Bear and I have the perfect name. Mr. Dog.
D.J.: Mr. Dog? Steph, when you have a kid someday, what are you gonna name it, Mr. Baby?
Stephanie: Not if it’s a girl.
Danny: I think we should name the puppy something that fits its personality. Like Puddles.
D.J.: Dad, I have the perfect name: Comet. Because he’s fast and he’s got a tail.
Danny: And he only hits the newspaper once every 76 years.
Stephanie: Comet. I can live with that.
Michelle: I like Michelle.

In the kitchen

Becky: Oh, what is taking your dad so long? Danny, come on ! We’re gonna miss our plane to L.A.
Danny: I’m coming, I’m coming. Guys, don’t forget to watch our show tomorrow.
Becky: Not only are we live from Fashion Expo ’90 but Danny and l are gonna get total fashion makeovers.
Danny: That’s right. I’m leaving as Danny Tanner, but I’ll be returning as Danny Style.
Stephanie: Dad, when you’re gone, can Comet sleep with me in my bed?
Danny: No, honey, Comet sleeps in the kitchen and I don’t want to hear about you sleeping in his box. Bye.
Stephanie: Bye.
Danny: Goodbye.
D.J.: Bye, Dad. Have fun.
Danny: Bye.
Joey: See you later.
Danny: Have fun, guys.
Jesse: Fly safe.
Joey: Okay, now it’s time for my extra sloppy, “can’t help but make a mess but it’s okay because Danny’s out of town”ice cream sundaes.
Stephanie: Comet wants a sundae too.
Jesse: Steph, Comet’s a dog. If he wants a sundae, tell him to go chase the Good Humor man.
Joey: Okay, Michelle, here you go. And Deej, knock yourself out.
Stephanie: Michelle, look! Pee-wee Herman.
Michelle: Where’s Pee-wee Herman?
Joey: Hey, Steph. What are you doing?
Michelle: Hey, a doggy ate my ice cream.
Joey: All right, all right. Here, here. I’ll take the dog. Come on.
Michelle: Bad doggy.
Stephanie: Michelle, don’t have a cow.
Michelle: Bad doggy.
Stephanie: Here, trade with D.J.
D.J.: I don’t want a dish of doggy drool.
Joey: I’ll get it.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse?
Jesse: Yes, may I help you?
Michelle: Doggy ate my ice cream.
Jesse: The doggy ate your ice cream? Come here, I’ll cheer you up. Come on, let’s cheer Michelle up. Okay, you wanna sing?

In the living room

Pete: All right, where is he?
Joey: All right, where is who?
Pete: The Jessman. The Big J. The Jester himself. Where is he? I haven’t seen him in three years.
Joey: He’s in the kitchen with the girls.
Pete: Girls? Yeah? All right, it’s the same old Jess. I mean, it’s like he knew I was coming here.

In the kitchen

Pete: Yo, Mother Goose.
Jesse: Pete Bianco, you dirtbag !
Pete: You filth ball.
Jesse: You scumbucket.
Pete: You lowlife.
Jesse: Give me a hug.
Pete: How you doing?
Jesse: You were supposed to call me when you got back from Europe.
Pete: That’s what I’m doing. I just got back. Oh, what a trip. I learned how to say “Trust me, babe” in 12 different languages.
Jesse: Well, you look great, man.
Pete: You too. That’s a very festive apron we’re wearing today, isn’t it?
Jesse: The guy is always on my case. First time we met, we got in this fight over these two girls.
Pete: What were their names? The Scarcella twins, Donna and Barbara.
Jesse: Right. We’re beating each other’s heads up, we finally stop and realize, this is stupid.
Jesse & Pete: There’s two of them.
Jesse: Anyway, Pete Bianco, this is my niece D.J., Stephanie and Michelle.
Michelle: The doggy ate my ice cream.
Jesse: And this is my pal and my partner in the advertising business, Joseph Gladstone.
Joey: Pete and I go all the way back to the living room.
Pete: I just heard something. You’re in advertising now, Jess? What, are you turning into a suit on me? What happened to the old Dr. Dare?
D.J.: Who’s Dr. Dare?
Pete: Who’s Dr. Dare? This guy right here. Your uncle was a wild man. This guy never ever turned down a dare. Am I right?
Jesse: That’s right.
Pete: You’re looking soft there.
Jesse: Get out.
Pete: Still think you can keep up with me?
Jesse: Please, it’s a piece of cake.
Pete: Yeah?
Jesse: Yeah.
Pete: I dare you to keep up with me for two days.
Jesse: You got it. Let’s jump on our bikes and tear this town apart. I’ll show you what Dr. Dare’s about.
Pete: You got it.
Jesse: Dr. Dare rides again. But not in this apron.

In the corridor

Jesse: The kids are sleeping.

In D.J. & Stephanie’s bedroom

D.J.: What’s going on out there?
Stephanie: I don’t know. Let’s go find out. Comet, you stay there and keep my pillow warm and dry.

In Jesse’s bedroom

Jesse: Here we go. I, I don’t know the words
Pete: Nobody does. so let’s go back to the chorus I said Louie, Louie, oh, baby I said we gotta go
Jesse, Pete, D.J. and Stephanie: Yeeh, yeeh, yeeh, yeeh I said Louie, Louie Oh. baby. I said we gotta go Louie, Louie, oh, baby I said we gotta go Louie, Louie, oh, baby I said we gotta go
Joey: Hey guys, come on. You’re gonna wake up the girls. No, you got them all.
Jesse: Joey, I’m glad you’re here. Listen. Pete and l are driving up to Lake Tahoe on our bikes. This feels like the old days. What you gotta do is cover for me. Thanks.
Pete: Yeah, thanks, Joey. And don’t worry, we’ll be back here in time for the party, okay?
Joey: Wait a second. What party?
Pete: It’s a reunion. We got the band back together.
Jesse: That’s right, and you guys are all invited because, well, you live here. Bye.
D.J.: All right! Party.
Joey: You two, back to bed. Let’s go.
D.J.: But tomorrow night: Party, party!
Stephanie: Party!

In Michelle’s bedroom

Joey: Okay, Michelle. Let’s get you into….Well, who is this?
Michelle: Bad doggy.
Joey: Michelle, why are you mad at Comet?
Michelle: The doggy ate my ice cream, remember?
Joey: Well, come here, Comet. Yeah? Comet says he’s very sorry. Look, his tail’s wagging. That means he loves you very, very much.
Michelle: Okay, we’re friends.

In the living room

Jesse: Tell them about that story. Where was it?
A man: Baja.
Jesse: Tell them about that story.
Pete: Oh, yeah. We took over this little cantina and we did a mariachi version of “Love Stinks.”
Jesse: And it stunk.
Pete: Oh, wait, but after,, Afterwards, we met those little seioritas….
D.J.: So then what happened?
Jesse: Well, so then we took the nice seioritas to a museum and we taught them all about the history of EI Pollo Loco.
Pete: Yeah, we had some wild times.
Jesse: That’s right.
Stephanie: We have wild times too. Last month, Uncle Jesse organized my class trip to the dairy.
Pete: Whoa, life in the fast lane, eh?
Joey: Hi, I’m Joey Gladstone. I’m Jesse’s partner.
Donna: Hi, I’m Donna, Jesse’s old girlfriend. He looks great tonight, doesn’t he?
Joey: Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing myself.
Michelle: Hi, Pete.
Pete: Hi, Michelle. Isn’t it past your bedtime?
Michelle: I don’t know. I can’t tell time.
Michelle: All set, guys. Let’s do it.
Jesse: All right.
Pete: All right, now. Listen up, everybody. I know that we said we’d never play together again but I figure if The Who and The Stones can get back together, so can Feedback.
Jesse: That’s right. So let’s hit it.
A woman: Feedback lives!
Joey: Alligator.
Stephanie: D.J., did you ever see anyone do this before?
D.J.: Once. When a bee flew into Dad’s shorts.
Michelle: Party, dude!
Jesse: Well, I got e women Meen es she cen be I got a woman Meen es she cen be Well, sometimes I thik Sbe’s almost as mean as me I got a woman Meen es she cen be And boy, does she look mean. Everybody, I’d like you to meet the love of my life, Rebecca Donaldson. And quite frankly, doesn’t she look beautiful this evening?
Becky: Who’s the blond?
Jesse: Well, this is my old girlfriend, Donna. My old, old, old girlfriend.
Donna: Hi, Becky.
Becky: Hello, Donna.
Jesse: Why don’t we go meet some people I haven’t dated, shall we?
Joey: Danny, is that really you?
Danny: Yes, Joey. And I would be really steamed if I did not look so cool.
Joey: Well, may I say that you look just like cappuccino come alive.
Danny: Oh, thank you, Joey, Joey, Joey. But look around at these people. They have no sense of style. Jesse, can I talk to you?
Jesse: Look, I have everything under control. You look very cute, by the way. Girls, it’s time to go to bed.
Becky: Jess, I’ll say good night to the girls, and you say good night to Donna. Okay, Michelle. Time for bed.
Michelle: No more party?
Becky: No more party.
Michelle: Oh, nuts.
Danny: Well, girls, what do you think of your new rad, bad dad?
Stephanie: Daddy, you look so handsome, I want to take you to Show and Tell.
Danny: Thank you, Stephanie. That dog slept in your room last night, didn’t he?
A man: “Twist and Shout.”What do you say, Tony? Let’s go.
Jesse: Whoa, fellas. Come on, come on. Cool it. Cool it now. The little munchkins have to go nightie-night. Kids are going beddie-bye.
Pete: Beddie-bye. Well, you definitely have changed, Jess. You’ve gone from Dr. Dare to Dr. Seuss.
Jesse: What, you don’t think I’m the same guy?
Pete: Rog, give me that tape.
Jesse: What tape?
Pete: Everybody have a seat on the couch over here. I got a surprise for you.
Jesse: “This is My Life”or something? What are we doing?
Pete: This is for you, my man. All right, now, the year is 1983. The song on the jukebox is “Maniac.” And the man on the motorcycle is the one, the only…Dr. Dare.

In Video

Pete: We’re here on the roof ot the State Street garage where Dr. Dare has been dared to do the impossible, To ride his motorcycle on the ledge ot a six-story building. The doctor is about to operate,
Jesse: Aren ‘t you e little overdremetic there?
Pete: Not if you die,
Jesse: Hey, look, I was dared, so I’m gonna do it.
Donna: Not without a kiss for luck first.
Jesse: Have mercy.
Pete: Don’t waste tape on tbis. This is disgusting. Please, don’t waste tape, Thank you,
Jesse: All right. let’s do it!
Everyone: Yeeh!
Jesse: Look out.
Pete: Weit e miute, weit, Come here, Rog, Come on. Don’t go yet.
Jesse: Rog. get a shot ot the drop. Getting it. Rog?
Pete: Do yourself a favor, Jess. Don’t fall.
Jesse: Don’t worry about it, Come here, I want to say one more thing. Kids, don’t try this at home, Let’s do it!
Pete: All right, weit, weit, Weffe not reedy yet, Hang on.
Jesse: Have mercy!

In the living room

Jesse: Thank you, thank you very much.
Pete: Hey, wait a minute. You guys think he was tough back then? You gotta see Dr. Suess now, carpooling second graders to the dairy.
Jesse: What, you think I couldn’t take that ledge again if I wanted to?
Pete: What, are you kidding me? No way. No way.
Jesse: Follow me.
Pete: Hey. Hey, Jesse. Jesse!
Joey: Jess, get back here. This is stupid.
Becky: Joey, what’s happening?
Joey: Come on, we gotta go.
Becky: Where?
Joey: I’ll tell you on the way.

In the roof

Jesse: What?
Pete: Are you nuts? Look, I was just kidding back there about all that Dr. Seuss stuff. Nobody dared you to do this.
Jesse: I dared me to do this.
Pete: Well, I’m daring you not to do it. I came back here to see my best friend and hang out like we used to in the old days.
Jesse: But it’s not like the old days.
Pete: So what?
Jesse: That’s easy for you to say. Pete, you’re living your life the same way we said we would, man. You got no responsibilities. Jump on your bike when you want to, go wherever you want.
Pete: So come. Come on. Come on.
Jesse: Maybe I will. First I gotta do this. Because I gotta prove to myself that I’m the same guy.
Pete: All right, look. You wanna do something dangerous? Kiss Donna in front of Becky.
Jesse: Come on, what’s the worst that could happen? Don’t answer that.
Becky: Jesse! Jesse, just hold on one second, young man. Jesse Katsopolis. I forbid you to do this. Now, let’s get in the car and go home.
Jesse: Becky, I know what I’m doing.
Joey: Come on, you’re being an idiot. Get off the bike.
Jesse: There’s no way either of you could understand this.
Becky: Jesse! Would you get back here. Jesse! Jesse, please don’t do this! I’m so happy you’re all right. Don’t you ever scare me like that again.
Pete: Get in that car and get home right now, mister.
Jesse: Joey.
Joey: Everyone else did it.
Becky: Go!

In the living room

Pete: Good seeing you, Jess.
Jesse: Good seeing you, man.
Pete: I gotta hit the road.
Jesse: I gotta hit the sack. I gotta get up early and take Stephanie’s class to the fire station. Living on the edge, aren’t I?
Pete: Look, as far as tonight goes, you didn’t chicken out. You just came to your senses.
Jesse: Dr. Sensible. Doesn’t quite have the same ring, does it?
Pete: Maybe the guy I came back here looking for is not the same guy anymore. But so what? I like this guy too, you know? I’ll tell you something else. You got a good thing going here.
Jesse: I do, don’t I?
Pete: I love you, man.
Jesse: Right back at you. See you, dirt bucket.
Pete: See you, filth ball.
D.J.: Hi, Uncle Jesse.
Jesse: Hey, Deej.
D.J.: Joey told me what happened tonight. I’m glad you didn’t try that stunt.
Jesse: D.J., I was this close. I’m up on that ledge. I’m this close to do it and I chicken out.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, sometimes it takes more courage to just say no.
Jesse: Sounds pretty smart. Where did you hear that?
D.J.: From you. And Nancy Reagan.
Jesse: Well, Deej. Maybe I’m smarter than I was when I was 20, but let me tell you something. I miss those old days.
D.J.: I kind of remember you at 20. You were this cool guy with long hair who’d drop by, give me a present and then ride away. I like this Uncle Jesse a lot better. The one I see every day.
Jesse: Really?
D.J.: Yeah.
Jesse: Let me tell you something. When I was up there, all I could do was think about my family and Becky and you girls. I started thinking, if something happened, I’d miss out on being part of your lives. There’s nothing more important to me than that. Maybe I gave up a little bit, but I’ve also gained quite a bit too, haven’t I?
D.J.: Yup. Good night, Dr. Dare.
Jesse: Hey, that’s Uncle Dr. Dare to you.
D.J.: Good night.
Jesse: I still got it.




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