第53話「地上最大の誕生日」

ads

In D.J. & Stephanie’s bedroom

D.J.: Michelle, you wanna say hi to Grandma?
Michelle: Okay. Where is she?
D.J.: Well, she’s at home. But we’re gonna make her a tape.
Michelle: Okay, give me that. Hi, Grandma. It’s Michelle. Do you remember me? Now what?
D.J.: Why don’t we sing the spider song. Ready? One, two, three, four.
Michelle: One, two, three, four. Yeah!
D.J.: Yeah!

In the kitchen

Jesse: Joseph, if we’re gonna come up with a good campaign for this Captain Hook peanut butter, we’re just gonna have to break down and try it.
Joey: I was afraid of that. Let’s take a taste of this stuff and say the first thing that comes to mind. Ready? Not bad.
Jesse: Hey, Joseph, do I have any in my teeth?
Michelle: Happy birthday to me.
Joey: No, it’s not your birthday until you get down to one last birthday cake. Now, take one away for today. Good girl. Now, how many till your birthday?
Michelle: One, two, three, four. Too many.
Jesse: Oh, hang in there, kid. It’s not gonna be long before you’re how old?
Michelle: Three years old.
Joey: Then you and your play,group friends get a big circus party.
Jesse: Joseph, forget about this. The circus is for kids. I got a better idea. Excuse me. Michelle, wouldn’t you rather have an Elvis party? Instead of all those goofy little hats, your friends can wear little tiny sideburns. What do you say, little mama?
Michelle: No, thank you, big daddy.
Joey: Jess– Sorry. What can you possibly have against the circus?
Jesse: Clowns. I hate them.
Joey: How can you hate clowns? They bug me, man.
Jesse: They think they’re so funny.
Joey: Get in the spirit. Danny and l are gonna dress up like clowns.
Jesse: You already are clowns. Look, Joseph, I’m happy to do what I can. I’ll cook, I’ll put up decorations. But if you want me to dress up like a chucklehead, I say take your rubber nose and honk it.
Michelle: Look. Happy birthday to me.
Jesse: Michelle, did you pull off all those birthday cakes?
Michelle: Who, me?
Jesse: “Who, me? Who, me?”

In D.J. & Stephanie’s bedroom

Stephanie: Comet, listen to this poem I wrote about you for school. My femr’ly hes e new puppy He’s bigger than a guppy My ded puts down peper for Comet But he always torgets to go on it
D.J.: I decided what I’m gonna be for Michelle’s circus party. I’m gonna be a lion tamer.
Stephanie: Oh, yeah. Like Dad’s really gonna let a lion in the house.
D.J.: I’m not gonna need a lion. I’m gonna tame Comet. Okay, Comet. Try to look mean. Try to look tough. Try to look ferocious.
Stephanie: I’m gonna be a juggler.
D.J.: Steph, do you know anything about juggling?
Stephanie: Technically…no. How hard can it be? All you do is throw three balls up in the air and keep them there. So, Deej… need a lovely assistant?

In the kitchen

Jesse: Finally, the last one.
Danny: Hey, Jess, I got another hundred balloons. Okay, would you rather be Elvo, the lip,quivering clown?
Jesse: I just got a second wind.
Danny: I got a great cake.
Joey: Did you get triple chocolate, pink frosting in the shape of a clown with a big cherry,red nose? Did you, did you?
Danny: Yes, Joey. Look at this.
Joey: Oh, yes.
Jesse: Wanna help me blow up some of these nifty balloons? Would you, would you, would you?
Joey: Jess, grow up.
Danny: Could one of you guys follow me to my mechanic tomorrow? My car sounds like Ed McMahon again.
Jesse: I’m insulted. You have a car expert right here. I’ll take care of it.
Danny: Really? Thanks, Jess.
Jesse: My pleasure. Why pay a mechanic when you could pay me? I’m kidding. Unless, of course, you went for it.
Michelle: Happy birthday to me.
Danny & Jesse: Happy birthday, Michelle.
Joey: Do you know what happens today?
Michelle: My circus party.
Danny: Michelle, your party’s not until this afternoon.
Michelle: My birthday cake.
Danny: Okay. That’s it. She’s gone birthday bananas.
Joey: Why don’t we take the little conehead upstairs while we get the big top all set up, huh?
Jesse: No, no. I got a better idea. Michelle, let’s go fix Daddy’s car, then we can go for a special birthday drive, okay?
Michelle: No way, Josi.
Stephanie: I almost got it! This time for sure. I hate gravity.
Jesse: Don’t worry. It’s a party for 3,year,olds. You’ll be lucky if they’re even looking. Let’s go take a nice drive, okay? It’s gonna be so much fun. But Michelle can’t go because she’s not 3 years old yet.
Michelle: I am 3 years old.
Jesse: Then you get to go.
Michelle: Yay!
Jesse: Yay!
Danny: Jess, are you just being this nice to get out of blowing up more balloons?
Jesse: Absolutely. Cr’eo, babe.
Danny: Joey.
Joey: Michelle did it first.

In the living room

Joey: All done. Danny, I love this circus dicor. We should’ve done this to the house years ago.
Danny: You know, it’s too bad my station canceled Uncte Funsie’s Big Top but it saved us a fortune on party decorations. I got it. Hello? Jesse, where are you? Michelle’s friends are gonna be here any minute.
Jesse: We’re stuck out here at a gas station. They don’t know what’s wrong with your car, but they do know it’ll be very expensive. This had nothing to do with me adjusting your idle.
Danny: Oh, why would I blame you? Just because you were the last one to touch my car and now it’s dead?

In the gas station

Jesse: Look, we’ll be home just as soon as Elmer revives your car. And don’t worry about this bill, because I’ve taken care of it. I found your credit card in your glove compartment. Bye.
A car doctor : Well, you’re all set. I don’t know who the donkey,brain was that fiddled with your idle, but you ought to get your money back.
Jesse: I’ll see what I can do.
A car doctor : Well, I’m going home and siesta.
Jesse: All right. Well, have a nice nap.
A car doctor : No, I’m going home to see Esther, my wife. Gets them every time.
Jesse: I’m sure it does. Anyone have to go potty before we go?
Michelle: I do.
Stephanie: I do.
Jesse: Good. Because I’m dying. All right, boys on the left, girls on the right.

In the living room

Danny: Oh, great. The birthday girl’s at a gas station and my house is about to turn into Sesame Circus.
Joey: Should l answer the door?
Danny: If we’re really quiet, maybe they’ll go away.

In the gas station

Jesse: All right, hurry up. It’s time to go to Michelle’s circus party.
Michelle: Time for presents.
Jesse: You got it, babe. We’re out of here. We’re out of here. Anyone have to potty again?
Stephanie: Uh-oh.
Michelle: Why you said “uh-oh”?
Stephanie: Because if we can’t get out of here, you’re gonna miss your birthday.
Michelle: No happy birthday to me?

In the living room

D.J.: Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream Take it, boys. Take it, girls. Merrr’lyg merrr’lyg merrr’lyg merrr’ly Life is but a– Nightmare. Dad! Joey! I’m dying out here. Why didn’t we just go to Chuck E. Cheese?

In the kitchen

Joey: There you go. Come on, Danny. We gotta start the circus.
Danny: Without Michelle? We’re gonna put on a circus for the neighbors’ kids?
Joey: Danny, it’ll be lots of fun. And when Michelle gets back, we’ll do it again for her.
Danny: Oh, goody. We’ve added a second show.
Joey: I got it.
Karen: Hi. I hope this is the birthday party.
Joey: It sure is. Come right in. Hi, I’m Joey Gladstone.
Karen: Hi. I hope this is the birthday party.I’m Karen Penner, Robert’s aunt.
Joey: Have we met before?
Karen: No, I think I’d remember that face.
Danny: Hi there. I’m Danny Tanner. I’m a single parent, and I love foreign films and long walks along the beach.
Karen: Well, nice to meet you both.
Danny: Thank you.
Joey: Thank you.
Danny: Normally, Karen, I’m a very snazzy dresser. You see, earth tones go well with my big, brown doe eyes. You may have seen the real me on my show, Weke Up, Sen Frencico.
Karen: Oh, I love your show. I have breakfast with you every morning.
Danny: Really? Why don’t you stay for the circus. Stay for the birthday cake. Stay for,, Are you married?
Karen: No.
Danny: Stay for as long as you like. The circus is right through here. Pardon my feet. There you are.
Joey: Danny, I’ve never seen you so aggressive.
Danny: I don’t know what came over me. I just got this manly feeling. Quite frankly…I liked it.

In the gas station

Jesse: We’re stuck in here. Bars on every window. They afraid someone’s gonna break in and clean the joint up?
Michelle: Where’s my circus party?
Stephanie: Don’t worry. Uncle Jesse is coming up with a plan right now to get us out of here. Well?
Jesse: Well, my plan is to wait here until Goober lets us out.
Stephanie: I was wrong. There is no plan.
Michelle: I want my circus party.
Jesse: Michelle, I’m sorry. I know it’s your birthday, pal. But I don’t know what to do. We’re stuck in here. I’ll tell you what. You want a circus party? I’ll give you the best darn circus party in the history of circus parties. How’s that?
Michelle: Oh, boy!
Jesse: You know what? We’re gonna have it right here in this gas station.
Stephanie: In this gas station?
Jesse: Steph, trust me on this one. This time, I got a real plan. Come here. I’ll tell you about it. And you, don’t listen.

In the living room

D.J.: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, presenting the greatest show in this room: The Tanner Family Circus!
Children: Yay!
D.J.: Starring me, Tanner the Tamer.
Children: Yay!
D.J.: Stand back, I’m about to release, Comet the Ferocious.
Robert: Hey, that’s not a lion!
D.J.: That’s what the last kid said just before Comet ate him. Now watch as this vicious creature obeys my every command. Come on, Comet. Come on. Come on, honey. Jump through the hoop.
Children: Yay!
D.J.: Now get ready to laugh your heads off. Send in the clowns!
Children: Yay!
Joey: Meke them leugh Meke them leugh Look. Hi, boys and girls. I’m Jo-Jo the Clown. And this is my sidekick, Clean-o.
Danny: Hi, kids. Remember, a clean circus is a fun circus.
Joey: But the best circus is a messy circus.
Danny: Okay, Jo-Jo, you made your point. Oh, I’m gonna get you now, Jo-Jo. Here I go.
Joey: What are you kids laughing at, huh?
Danny: Okay, kids. Now it’s time for some good, clean fun with balloons. Hey, pretty lady, here you go. I give you my heart.
Karen: Why, thank you, Clean-o. But isn’t this party supposed to be for the kids?
Danny: What kids? Oh, the kids. Oh, why don’t we let Jo-Jo entertain the kids.
Joey: Guess what, kids? Clean-o is on the make.
Danny: No, Clean-o was just having a little good old, clean fun. Like this. And this.
Joey: I’m having a party in my pants.
Danny: The party’s just begun.
D.J.: I thought I knew all of Michelle’s friends.
Danny: Joey, what is an elephant doing at my front door?
Joey: Surprise, Clean-o. The surprise is on Jo-Jo. She got my underwear. I’ve only got one pair.

In the gas station

Jesse: Welcome to Michelle’s Big Top Circus of Love!
Michelle: Yay.
Jesse: Hi. I’m Greasy the Clown.
Stephanie: And I’m Stephabell, the other clown.
Jesse: And we’re here to say:
Jesse & Stephanie: Happy Birthday, Michelle!
Michelle: Thank you very much.
Jesse: And now, let the circus begin!
Stephanie: And now, Greasy walks the tightrope without a net. Hold on to your hat.
Michelle: Yay. Now what?
Jesse: Now it’s time for Michelle’s Big Top to present, Greasy and Stephabell’s fun,filled extravaganza of puppet love. Hi, Socko, how are you on this beautiful day?
Stephanie: Not so good, Toesy. I’m locked in a gas station, thanks to my uncle.
Jesse: I hardly think placing the blame on the nice uncle is gonna help the situation.
Stephanie: Well, you did ask how my day was. Yes, I realize that…
Jesse: …but it’s not his fault.
Stephanie: It is.
Jesse: It isn’t.
Stephanie: It is.
Jesse: Help! I’m naked, I’m naked !
Michelle: That’s funny.
Jesse: And now, Greasy and Stephanie proudly present the big finale, their tribute to “Up With Juggling.” Come on, Steph.
Stephanie: I can’t do it.
Jesse: Steph, come on. It’s for Michelle. Try it for Michelle.
Stephanie: Okay.
Jesse: Okay. You did it, Steph. All right!
Michelle: How do you do that?
Stephanie: I have no idea.
Jesse: And now…. (singing)Heppy bithdey to you Heppy bithdey to you Heppy bithdeyg deer Michelle Heppy bithdey to you Blow them out. All right! Yay.
A car doctor: What the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on in here?
Jesse: Don’t you check the bathroom before you lock up? What’s the matter with you?
A car doctor: What’s the matter with me? You’re the one that’s wearing a funnel on his head.

In the living room

Jesse: Hi.
Danny: Come here, Michelle. Hi, honey. Hi, Steph. Jess, I have one word for you : How?
Jesse: Danny, I told you on the phone it wasn’t my fault.
Danny: You read about it every day: “Family Trapped in Gas Station. Child’s Birthday Ruined.”
Jesse: Look, I’m sorry, but what–
Danny: How could you let this happen? We just put on a three,hour circus for the neighbors’ kids. Michelle, honey, I know you were looking forward to a big party with your friends. But we can still have fun.
Michelle: Daddy, I saw clowns.
Danny: Yes, honey, I know you saw clowns. Daddy’s dressed up like a clown.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse was a clown.
Danny: Uncle Jesse was a clown? Uncle Jesse hates clowns.
Jesse: More than ever.
Stephanie: But he was a great clown. He made a whole circus at the gas station. With a tightrope walker, a puppet show, and two jugglers, thank you very much.
Danny: Jess, you really put on a circus for Michelle?
Jesse: Hey, it was my niece’s third birthday.
Danny: Oh, man, I’m sorry. Shame on me. There’s nothing lower than a cranky clown. You were a great uncle today. Heck, you’re a great uncle every day. Thanks, buddy.
Jesse: This is a Bozo no-no.
D.J.: Michelle, you’re back. We saved you a special surprise from your party. Come on, it’s in the back yard.
Jesse: Come on, let’s go see it.
Danny: Special surprise? What do you think it is?
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, how’d you get locked in a gas station?
Jesse: Someday when you’re older and you get locked in a gas station, you’ll understand.

In the yard

Joey: Happy birthday, Michelle.
Michelle: Bimbo.
Jesse: No, Michelle, that’s Dumbo.
Michelle: Big present.
Danny: Well, it’s not to keep, honey. It’s just to ride. And here we go.
Joey: Hey, hold on.
Michelle: Whoa, baby.
Everyone: (singing)Happy bithday to you Happy bithday to you Happy bithdays deer Mrichelle




ads