In the Kitchen
Danny: Okay. Everything is just perfect. Oh, this is great.
Stephanie: They’re coming. They’re coming.
Danny: Come on, everybody. Okay, is everybody ready?
Michelle: Ready! I’m sorry.
Danny: Okay, let’s go.
Becky: All right. Get ready.
Danny, Becky, D.J.,Stephanie & Michelle: Surprise! Congratulations.
Jesse: Thank you. Thank you. Why are they doing this?
Joey: I don’t know.
Danny: Boys, come with me. Today is the anniversary of the day we all became a family. You guys moved in here a couple years ago to help me out for a couple months. Now, of course, you can never leave.
Jesse: Well, we’re happy to be here. We love you very much. We can never leave?
Danny: That’s right. And to celebrate, I have planned seven days and seven nights of nonstop family fun.
Everyone: All right. Sounds nice.
Danny: In Hawaii.
Everyone: Yeah! All right!
Stephanie: Hawaii? I love their punch.
Danny: I got the station to run reruns of Weke Up, Sen Frencico.
Jesse: Becky, you’ll be able to go with us then.
D.J.: Oh, yeah, Becky, you and I would have so much fun.
Becky: Oh, no, it sounds like a family vacation.
Danny: I got your ticket right here.
Becky: Oh, Danny, thank you!
Danny: You’re welcome.
Becky: Oh, Jess….You and me in Hawaii?
Jesse: I know. This is gonna be great. We’ll make a pilgrimage to where Elvis shot Blue Hewei in ’61 and Peredr’se, Hewein Style in ’68. Oh, Becky, what could be more romantic?
Becky: I’ll start making a list.
D.J.: Michelle, isn’t this exciting? We’re going to Hawaii.
Michelle: Good. Cut the cake.
In the Hotel
Everyone: Yeah, we’re here! Yeah! All right! Take a picture. Here we go. Thank you. Say “cheese!” All right, rolling!
D.J.: Dad, Dad, come here.
Jesse: Have a nice day.
Stephanie: Look, look! Hawaii has a swimming pool and an ocean and a soda machine. No wonder they call it paradise.
Dancer: Aloha, little girl.
Michelle: Aloha, lady. I see your belly button.
Stephanie: Joey? Joey?
Joey: Did you see that girl? First she smiled at me, and then she winked at me, and then she turned into someone else. I hate when that happens.
Danny: Okay, I have plans for you guys. Bye, Dad. See you later. Calling all Tanners. Where’s everybody going?
Joey: I gotta find that hula girl.
Jesse: We’re gonna take the same drive Elvis took in Blue Hewei.
Becky: We are?
Danny: Everybody just calm down. You’re all gonna get to do everything you want to. But, and this is the beauty part, we’re all gonna do everything together.
Danny: That’s a good start. We came here to celebrate our two,year anniversary as one big, happy family. So I have carefully scheduled every minute of every day with everyone’s activities. It’s all right here on my Clipboard of Fun. Ladies and gentlemen, let the vacation begin. All right, we only have 15 minutes to check in. Let’s go.
In the Golf Course
Joey: You sure nobody else wants to play golf?
In the Car
Danny: Okay, Joey had his turn for fun, Now I’ve scheduled us to study the history and culture of Hawaii,
Jesse: Where you tekig us, the Don Ho Museum?
In the Museum
Stephanie: Look, a little hula munchkin.
Becky: No, it’s a Menehune. According to the ancient legend, they were the first to inhabit the Hawaiian islands. The Menehunes have magical powers and they help people when they’re in trouble, but only if you really believe.
Stephanie: I do believe, I do believe. I wanna meet a Menehune.
D.J.: Steph, Menehunes are make,believe, like Mickey Mouse.
Stephanie: Oh, yeah? Then how come at Disneyland we shook hands with Mickey? Did you shake hands with a make,believe mouse?
D.J.: No. Well, yeah. I don’t know.
Stephanie: I think you do know. Poor kid. Can’t tell the difference between real and make, believe.
In the beach
Danny: All right, everybody. We have an hour and 20 minutes to meet and greet over 57 varieties of marine life.
Everyone: All right. Yeah.
Jesse: Becky, get a picture.
Becky: Tell him to swim more to his left.
Jesse: It’s a killer whale. You tell him.
Michelle: Nice fishy. Big fishy.
Danny: Wait a minute. Okay. Hold on, honey. Hang on, girls. Those things don’t come with seat belts.
D.J.: That was rad!
Danny: Totally rad.
D.J.: Dad, did you see it?
Danny: It’s all on tape.
D.J.: That was so cool! Okay, time’s up. Everybody out of the pool. Not you guys.
In Drums of the Island
Jesse: Wait, this might be it. Hang on a second. This is it, folks. This is the exact tree Elvis floated by singing “Drums of the Island” in his 1965 Technicolor classic, Paradise, Hawaiian Style. Please, let’s take a moment and let it all soak in.
Becky: Well, I’m soaked. Let’s go.
Jesse: Becky, please. Show a little respect. This is an historical Elvis landmark. Now take some pictures. Thank you. You’re a beautiful family. All right. Get one with the real kind of whole lip thing. Right here, baby.
Michelle: He’s nuts.
In the boat
Everyone: Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke.
Joey: My girl !
Danny: Joey! Swimming is tomorrow from 9 to 10:15!
Joey: She’s gone! And I’m alone. And I’m wet.
In the car
Danny: The Clipboard of Fun says today I get to be the skipper.
In the boat
D.J.: Skipper, we’ve been out here for hours.
Jesse: Danny, do you even have a clue where we are?
Danny: Ahoy, mateys, gather round ye skipper.
Stephanie: Aye,aye, skipper.
Danny: According to my map, we should be arriving at the beautiful island of Pua for a picnic on the beach and a Polynesian show.
Joey: Which island?
Danny: This island. Hey, where’d the island go?
D.J.: It’s on your finger, Dad.
Jesse: Ahoy, mateys. Your skipper has been sailing all morning to a potato, chip crumb.
Stephanie: Dad, are we lost?
Danny: Of course not. We’re exactly two hours and 46 minutes due this way of our hotel.
Becky: Look, an island.
Everyone: All right! All right, you see?
Danny: See, I told you.
D.J.: Skipper, exactly where is that island on the map?
Danny: Well, it’s right,, It’s one of those.
In the Island
Danny: What a beautiful beach. Anybody find anything?
Becky: Nothing up the beach.
D.J.: There’s nothing down the beach.
Jesse: I haven’t seen one sign of intelligent life, skipper.
Danny: Whoa, island crankiness. Look, nobody panic. Let’s just go back to where your skipper tied up the boat. I’ll radio the Coast Guard and tell them our location and they’ll guide us to Pua, okay? Now, follow me.
Michelle: Aye,aye, skipper.
Joey: Michelle, don’t encourage him.
Danny: Okay, guys, we’re gonna have our picnic on the boat. Now, if the trade winds are favorable, we can still make the Polynesian show. Of course, if we’re late, this could spell disaster for the Clipboard of Fun.
Michelle: Bye,bye, boat.
D.J.: How cute. Michelle’s waving bye,bye to our boat!
Danny: D.J., don’t be silly. I tied up our boat right,, There! It is our boat! Come back!
D.J.: Hurry, Dad !
Becky: Jesse, you’ll never catch that boat.
Jesse: I don’t wanna catch the boat. I wanna catch Danny. Come back here!
Danny: Jesse, leave me alone!
Jesse: Come over here, skipper.
Danny: Not until you calm down.
Jesse: All right. All right, fine. I’m calm. I’m cool. I’m not gonna hurt you. I just wanna talk to you.
Danny: That’s better.
Jesse: Okay. The first thing I’d like to say is: I hate this Clipboard of Fun! How can a person lose a boat?
Danny: It’s not my fault.
Jesse: The rope must have slipped off the rope thingy. The “rope thingy,”skipper? We’re stuck. What are we gonna do?
Joey: Well, if we were on Gr’llr’gen ‘s Islend the professor would make a radio out of coconuts.
Jesse: Joseph, it’s no time for comedy. It’s time to blame Danny.
Joey: Relax, Jess. We have the rest of our lives to blame Danny. Right now, we need to keep things light and easy so the girls don’t get scared. So I don’t get scared.
D.J.: Are we in really big trouble?
Danny, Jesse and Joey: No.
Stephanie: If we believe in the Menehunes they will come and help us, and then we’ll live happily ever after.
D.J.: Seven,year,olds. Aren’t they adorable?
Stephanie: Don’t ever pet me.
Becky: Well, we better start looking for food, shelter, water and some Krazy Glue because I know I’m gonna break a nail.
Joey: Hey, what the heck is this? The clipboard comes back, but the boat keeps going.
Jesse: Come on. Let’s go to work. We got a lot to do, you guys. Come on, let’s go.
Danny: I hate to say it, Michelle but the old skipper really goofed up big,time.
Michelle: It’s okay, skipper.
Danny: Thanks, little buddy.
Joey: Oh, nice little coconut here and a nice little one here. Oh, boy. Let’s see here. Oh, gosh.
Joey: Oh, yes! Oh, gosh. Seeing girls out in the water, getting conked on the noggin with a coconut. I bet you Bluto’s got something to do with this. Oh, boy.
Jesse: All right, fresh water. A lot of fresh water.
Becky: It’s beautiful. Jesse, this is so romantic. Kiss me.
Jesse: That’s Peredr’se, Hewein Style, little mama.
Becky: Jesse, we’re finally alone, and you’re still talking about Elvis. Enough !
Jesse: You got a problem with the king?
Becky: The king made the exact same movie 33 times. The only thing that changed were those stupid sideburns.
Jesse: Hold it a second. Are you trying to tell me you have a problem with Elvis’ sideburns?
Becky: Yes, I believe that’s what I just said.
Jesse: Well, well, well. After all these months, the truth finally comes out. You hate Elvis Presley.
Becky: No, not at first, but you pushed me too far.
Jesse: You know what? You’re jealous because Elvis has better hair than you do.
Becky: Better hair?
Jesse: Yeah. Check a mirror.
Becky: You know what?
Becky: I don’t have to listen to this.
Jesse: I’m talking to you. Becky! Have mercy!
Stephanie: Look, Mr. Bear, orange things. You taste them first. Menehune! Menehune! D.J., D.J.!
D.J.: Wait a minute. I caught a Clipboard of Fun.
Stephanie: D.J., come here. I saw,, We screamed,, I need to catch my breath. Okay, I’m ready. We’re saved ! I saw a Menehune! I do believe, I do believe.
D.J.: I do believe you’ve been in the sun way too long.
Stephanie: How rude. It wasn’t just me. Mr. Bear saw him too.
D.J.: Steph, your only witness has buttons for eyeballs. Trust me, there are no Menehunes.
Stephanie: Well, if that’s true then what’s gonna happen to us? We have no house or bed or phone. We can’t even call out for pizza. We’re doomed.
D.J.: We’re not doomed. Dad, Uncle Jesse and Joey would never let anything happen to us. They have everything under control.
Stephanie: Are you sure?
D.J.: I’m sure. There’s nothing to worry about.
Stephanie: Thanks, Deej.
Joey: Danny, what are you doing?
Danny: This island is a pigsty.
Michelle: Daddy, the plane, the plane.
Danny: The plane!
Joey: The plane!
Everyone: Help ! Help ! Right here! Help !
Jesse: They can’t hear us.
Joey: They’re gone. We’re gonna be stranded on this island forever.
Danny: Oh, and I suppose that’s my fault? Don’t answer that.
Jesse: I’ll answer it. Of course it’s your fault. I say we leave you and start our own tribe.
Becky: What’s it gonna be? A tribe of Elvis impersonators?
Jesse: That’s funny.
Becky: All you talk about is Elvis.
Jesse: Enough with the Elvis stuff.
Becky: Elvis this, Elvis that.
Danny: It’s not my fault.
Joey: It’s your fault.
Stephanie: D.J., I thought you said they had everything under control.
D.J.: Stop fighting. We’re all in this together. The whole reason for this trip was to celebrate being a family. We’re lucky to have each other. I bet if we start working together as a team we can make Potato Chip Crumb Island a totally rad place to hang. Thank you.
Michelle: You’re welcome.
Danny: I’m very proud of you, Deej.
Joey: Come on, let’s do it, guys.
Jesse: All right, fellas, let’s do it. I say, the heck with Elvis. Let’s build a hut, everybody, all right?
Becky: And we can call it Grassland.
Stephanie: Thanks for saying that, D.J. Michelle was looking a little worried.
Michelle: Not me.
Stephanie: Come on, let’s go. Let’s go build a hut.
D.J.: Stop fighting.I’d like to make a toast. Here’s to Dad, Uncle Jesse, and Joey and Becky for building our beautiful new home.
Danny: Thank you.
Jesse: All right.
Stephanie: And for being the best big sister on this whole island here’s to D.J.
Danny, Jesse, Joey & Becky: Yeah.
Michelle: Here’s to Big Bird.
Stephanie: It’s the Menehunes. We’re saved. Come on, everybody.
Danny: Stephanie, wait a minute. Honey, hold on, it’s dark out there. Steph !
Stephanie: Don’t worry, the Menehunes are very cute and friendly. Or not.
Jesse: All right, leave the women and children, just take the men. Actually, just take the man responsible.
Danny: Excuse me, sir. I don’t mean to pry, but where are we?
A man: Pua.
Danny: Pua? We’re here. The skipper got us to the right island, just the wrong side.
A man: You must be the owners of the boat that washed ashore. Sorry if we scared you. We like to tease tourists before we put them on-stage. Pretty funny, eh?
Jesse: What is this?
Announcement : This is Polynesia invites our visitors to join us on, stage tor Tahitian dancing.
Joey: Hey, it’s you. I’ve been looking all over for you.
Dancer: Would you like to dance with me?
Joey: Read my hips.
Dancer: Read mine first.
Becky: Excuse me. I talked to the band. This one’s for you. And for Elvis. “Rock,A,Hula”your heart out, baby.
Jesse: The band knows the song?
Announcement : Northwest Airlines, with a proud new look was pleased to provide travel to Hewei for Full House. Northwest Airlines, to more than 200 cities in 21 countries. Accommodetr’ons end locetr’ons provr’ded by Turtle Bay Hilton and Country Club.