In Michell’s bedroom
Jesse: Let’see your tummy. Let me see it. Oh, my gosh, you’re getting fatter than your Uncle Jesse. Quick! Put the sweater on.
Michelle: No, I do it.
Jesse: Are you sure you don’t want any help?
Michelle: No, I do it.
Jesse: Oh, feeling a little independent, are you? Okay, that’s fine with me. I’ll just sit down and catch up on my Dr. Seuss.
Jesse: Come here, you. All right, quick. We gotta put the hand through there then the head through there. Then we put this there. And then, Gosh, I told you it was a two,man job.
Michelle: I did it.
Jesse: Well, I helped.
Michelle: I did it.
Jesse: I did it.
Michelle: No, I did it.
Jesse: No, I did it.
In Joey’s bedroom
Joey: So, Jess, any thoughts on that muffler commercial yet?
Jesse: No, I found something very interesting. If you shake a pencil just right, it looks like it turns to rubber, see?
Danny: Hey, you guys working?
Danny: Oh, man, I love this time of year. First spring,cleaning, and now it’s income tax time.
Michelle: I get it. Hello. Hi, lady. I went poo,poo in the potty.
Jesse: I hope that’s a wrong number. Will you give me that, huh? Double J Creative Services, J…Oh, yeah, he’s right here. Can I say who’s calling? Hold on a second. Joey, it’s a Patty Fogerty.
Jesse: Hold on, please. Who is Patty? Fogerty?
Joey: She’s my old girlfriend from college. I can’t talk to her.
Jesse: Joey, say hello.
Joey: Jess, you don’t understand. Patty was the one. I was gonna ask her to marry me.
Danny: Until she walked out on you. No phone call. No goodbye.
Joey: She left me a note.
Danny: On her new boyfriend’s stationery.
Danny: Face it, Joey. She ripped out your heart, and threw it on the ground and did the Mexican hat dance on it.
Jesse: Oh, look, here he is now. Talk.
Joey: Don’t worry, I’ll talk to her. But I’m not going to see her. Hello, Patricia. Come on over. My address is 1882 Girard. I’ll see you tonight at 7.
Jesse: All right.
Joey: Hey, she said “please.”
Danny: Why don’t you just leave your heart on the doorstep, so she can wipe her feet on it.
Jesse: Can’t you see this was the great love of his life? Man, we’re talking about romance here. Besides, my boy can make his own decisions. Now, what you’ll do is, you see her. You tell her everything you wanted to say. Then you sweep her right off her feet. See, he can make his own mind up.
In D.J. & Stephanie’s bedroom
Kimmy: As you can see, I have here an empty tube. Michelle, say the magic words.
Michelle: Please and thank you. Good magic.
D.J.: Let me do the trick you taught me. And now, the ball of mystery.
Stephanie: D.J., you dropped your ball of mystery.
D.J.: So I have three hands. So what?
Kimmy: Let’s get back to some real magic. I need two volunteers.
Michelle: Me, me.
Kimmy: I’ll pick you and you.
Michelle: Aw, nuts.
Kimmy: I have here a pair of solid steel handcuffs. Now, have we ever met before?
Stephanie: Unfortunately, we have.
Kimmy: I place the handcuffs on my two lovely volunteers. This better work. Now, I take the magic scarf and place it over the handcuffs. Let me make sure they’re good and tight. Okay. Presto change,o! You’re free. I’ll go home and get the key. If your dad finds out, he’ll call my mom. She’ll tell my brother I took his magic set and he’ll make my life disappear.
Stephanie: He already made your brain disappear.
In the living room
Jesse: Still doing your taxes? Why don’t you fill out the short form? It took me 10 minutes.
Danny: You wouldn’t ask such questions if you would take the time to read your tax codes. Study, learn, save. Snooze. You may be entitled to a refund of hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars.
Jesse: Give me that book.
Joey: Well, what do you think?
Danny: Joey, don’t try to impress her.
Joey: What? I just want to show her what she gave up 10 years ago.
Joey: I don’t know if I can…
Jesse: No, no, no. Do everything we worked on. Be cool, be smooth, be a heartbreaker.
Jesse: Go get them, killer. Joseph, the fly, the fly.
Patty: Joey. Hi.
Joey: Hi, Patty. You look great. Did you bring back my Peter Frampton album?
Patty: You’re still making me laugh.
Joey: This is my roommate, Jesse Katsopolis.
Jesse: Hi. How are you?
Patty: Hi. Fine.
Jesse: Joey’s told me so much about you. Nothing specific, you know, mostly good things. They were vague. But good things. Who is this woman?
Joey: Patty, you remember Danny.
Patty: Danny, hi.
Danny: How you doing?
Patty: Boy, seeing you and Joey together, brings back so many memories.
Danny: I’ll bet seeing you brings back a few memories for Joey too.
Patty: I think it’s great you and Danny are still friends aft…
Danny: Reminiscing always makes me feel like dancing.
Joey: Patty, why don’t we go down to my room. It’s kind of hard to talk in the middle of a fiesta.
Jesse: Oh, come on. You look depressed. Cheer up. Read the tax code.
In Joey’s bedroom
Joey: So I moved in here to help Danny raise the three girls and everything seems to be working out great.
Patty: You haven’t changed a bit. Oh, Joey.
Joey: Patty, just out of curiosity, why are you here?
Patty: Well, I was married for a while and I just got divorced. And I started thinking when was the last time in my life, I was really happy? When I was with you. I just wanted to touch that part of my life again.
Joey: Yeah, there were a lot of great times. But, Patty, come on, things,,
Patty: Oh, Popeye. You still have the doll I gave you. You remember the first time, you did the voice for me?
Joey: Yeah, it was right after our first kiss. Remember, I went:
Patty: You know, anytime I need a really good laugh, I think about the first time I saw you.
Joey: Oh, no, not halftime at the homecoming game.
Patty: Yep. Fifty,six thousand people, waiting to see the crowning of the homecoming queen and there’s this maniac streaking the full length of the football field buck,naked.
Joey: I was not buck,naked. I was wearing high,tops and a Nixon mask.
Patty: I miss all the fun we had.
Joey: It was a lot of fun, wasn’t it? Until you walked out on me. How could you do that to me? You never even said goodbye. You just took off with Michael Winchester and left me a lousy note. Do you know how much that hurt? Do you have any idea what you put me through?
Patty: I wanted to say goodbye, I just couldn’t face you. I’m so sorry.
Joey: I still don’t know why you left me for Michael.
Patty: Because…. Despite all the fun, we were having, I needed some romance in my life. I wanted someone to sweep me up in their arms and say “I love you.”
Joey: I said I love you.
Patty: Yeah, as Bullwinkle, Yosemite Sam, Elmer Fudd, I wanted to hear you say it.
Joey: I can’t believe you didn’t know how I felt about you. Patty, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You know, for 10 years, I’ve wondered what it would feel like to hold you again.
Patty: How’s it feel?
Joey: Wonderful. I really did love you. I don’t think l ever stopped.
In the living room
Danny: (singing)Doing my taxes is really neat And I’m so cool I saved all my receipts
Jesse: All right. This long form’s really gonna make me more money. Let’s get to it. I found these receipts from last year. Let’s start with this one. This is good. This is where I took my boss to lunch. We got two quarter,pounders and a French fry. Now, would that be considered a “McWriteoff”? Get it? Come on. “McWriteoff.”
Danny: I’m sorry, Jesse. I’m just worried about Joey. How long does it take to say, “Patty, I never want to see you again”?
Jesse: Don’t worry about it.
Danny: I just hope he doesn’t fall back under her spell.
Jesse: See? Nothing to worry about.
D.J.: Now. We made it.
Kimmy: Hi, guys.
D.J.: Don’t do that.
Stephanie: Did you get the key?
D.J. & Stephanie: No?
Kimmy: The key is in Reno with my brother. But the good news is, he’ll be back tomorrow morning to pick up his unemployment check.
Kimmy: Please don’t get me in trouble.
D.J.: The bed.
Kimmy: Oh, Mr. Tanner. I just had to come by and give you a good,night hug.
Danny: Thank you, Kimmy. Oh, your mom called. I don’t know why, but she wants you home.
Kimmy: I’ll see you in the morning.
Stephanie: You better.
Danny: Why are you two in the same bed?
D.J.: I love my little sis.
Stephanie: And I love my big sis.
Danny: You see, l always told you this would happen. As you get older, you’re gonna grow closer and closer.
D.J.: Dad, we couldn’t get any closer than we are right now.
Danny: Good night, girls. D.J. &
Stephanie: Good night.
Danny: This is so sweet.
D.J.: This is a nightmare.
Stephanie: What now?
D.J.: I guess we go to sleep.
Stephanie: D.J., I can’t sleep on my back.
D.J.: No way. There. Are you settled?
Stephanie: Yes. Are you settled?
D.J.: Yes. Good night.
Stephanie: Good night. D.J.?
Stephanie: I think I drank too much lemonade after dinner.
In the living room
Danny: Okay, Michelle, it’s time to finish Uncle Jesse’s taxes. Can you help me add all these numbers? Do you know how smart you are?
Michelle: Daddy smart too.
Danny: “Daddy smart too.” And not a witness in the room.
Jesse: Danny, are we done yet? We’ve been up all night.
Danny: Jesse, I am about to make you a very happy man. According to your short form, you were getting back a measly $352 tax refund. But thanks to using the long form, you are now entitled to…Pay the government $48.17.
Jesse: I have to pay? I’ve been up all night with you. Haven’t I paid enough?
Michelle: Don’t worry, be happy.
Joey: (Singing)Love, love Everywhere there’s love Love is here Love is there Love is even hiding under the chair Ho, ho, ho
Jesse: Were you out all night, young man?
Joey: (Singing)Yes, I was Yes, I was
Danny: Were you with Patty?
Joey: (Singing)Yes, I was Yes, I was Ho, ho, ho
Jesse: Hey, Pavarotten. Wait up. I want some details.
Michelle: Look, Daddy.
Danny: Oh, no, Michelle, what did you do? Table all clean. Yes, table all clean. Oh, I’ve taught you well. But I think I’ve created a monster. Oh, no. Oh, no. It’s the monster.
In the kitchen
Joey: Then Patty and I went back to all our old hangouts, we talked about all our old friends, she laughed at all my old jokes.
Jesse: I’ve heard your old jokes. She must be in love with you.
Danny: Joey, listen. There’s millions of fish in the sea. Why pick the fish that you know is gonna break your heart?
Joey: Danny, I’m back with Patty. It feels great. Now, why can’t you just be happy for me?
Danny: Well, maybe I have been a little down on this whole thing.
Jesse: A little? Don’t you remember:
Danny: I’m sorry, Joey. I just don’t wanna see you get hurt again.
Joey: Don’t worry, this time I’m gonna do it right. Tonight, I’m cooking Patty dinner and I am going to be Mr. Romance.
Jesse: Well, actually that name’s taken already. Oh, hey, girls. What do you want for breakfast?
D.J.: We just came to say that we’re not hungry.
Danny: Girls, wait a minute. Come here. You’re wearing the exact same clothes, you were wearing yesterday.
Stephanie: So is Joey.
Joey: Well, that’s because I had so much fun in them yesterday that I woke up early, washed them and put them back on again.
D.J.: Us too.
Kimmy: Hi, Tanners. D.J., bad news. My brother’s staying in Reno for a week.
Stephanie: You can’t get the key? Let me at her.
Danny: Kimmy, did you handcuff my daughters together?
Kimmy: Boy, nothing gets by you.
Jesse: All right, no problem. Those are magic cuffs. Had them when I was a kid. Very simple. I’ll need an assistant. Not you. Kimmy? Now, we simply place an ordinary apron over the handcuffs and the lovely and talented Miss Gibbler sticks her hands under. And….Abracadabra!
Stephanie: All right.
Kimmy: Hey, this isn’t funny. Get these off.
Jesse: I don’t know. Should I take them off? D.J. &
Jesse: Sorry babe.
Kimmy: Wait. Don’t go. I’m stuck.
Danny: Boy, nothing gets by you.
In the Restaurant
Joey: May the magic of this moment live forever.
Patty: How sweet. You know what this spaghetti reminds me of? Come on. Remember? Come on.
Joey: That’s a little silly, don’t you think?
Patty: Oh, for old times’ sake.
Joey: Well, Ledy end The Tremp was the most romantic cartoon ever made. Sure.
Patty: You always make me laugh. Joey. Let’s streak. Let’s take off our clothes and run through your neighborhood.
Joey: Patty, I can’t run through the streets naked. These people have a neighborhood watch program.
Patty: I have a better idea. Food fight.
Joey: Patty. Good thing I didn’t make baked potatoes. Patty, I thought you wanted me to be romantic.
Patty: That was 10 years ago. I came back for the old crazy Joey.
Joey: There’s no old crazy Joey. There’s only this Joey.
Patty: Come on, you’re still the same guy that always made me laugh.
Joey: No, l am not the same guy.
Patty: Yes, you are.
Joey: No, I’m not. You don’t know anything about this Joey. I work in advertising, I’m raising three little girls. I have a whole new life now.
Patty: Why are you getting so upset? I thought we were falling in love again.
Joey: So did I. But I think we’re falling in love with the memories. Patty, let’s face it. All we have is our past.
Patty: What about our future? Joey, we’re getting a second chance. Only this time, we could have a happy ending.
Joey: I know. Patty, you came back into my life just like I dreamed you would. It should be perfect. But it’s not. Let’s face it. We really don’t know each other.
Patty: I guess you’re right.
Joey: But in a way, it’s still a happy ending. I got to say things that I needed to say and I got to hear things that I wanted to hear. And now when I think back about us I can feel good about it.
Patty: All of a sudden, I feel like we’re strangers.
Joey: We’re standing here in front of two plates of spaghetti that are getting cold. Why don’t we sit down, enjoy this beautiful dinner, get to know each other.
Joey: Okay. Okay. Hi, I’m Joey Gladstone.
Patty: Hi. Patricia Fogerty.
Joey: Patricia Fogerty, nice to meet you. Do you like Italian food?
Patty: Yes, I do. And this looks delicious.
Joey: The great part about it is…if they don’t deliver it within a half,hour, it’s free.