In the living room
Joey: Hi, Michelle.
Joey: You woke me up to tell me I’m taking a nap?
Joey: Well, thank you. If I fall asleep again make sure you wake me up and let me know, okay?
In the farm
Jesse: Michelle, look at this. What is this?
Jesse: It’s a chickie? Pet the chickie. Pet it. Oh, yeah, give the chickie a kiss. The chickie’s nice.
Jesse: Give the chickie love. Give him a hug. Oh, that’s nice. Pet the chickie. Pet him. Pet him. Pet him.
Becky: Oh, this is a great picture. I gotta get this. Say, “cheese.”
Jesse & Michelle:Cheese.
Becky: Oh, very good. That’s nice. So pretty.
Jesse: Let me get one of you guys.
Jesse: You hold her.
Becky: Wanna take another picture?
Jesse: Here we go.
Becky: Because you’re so pretty.
Jesse: Becky, what do you say after the show you and I slip away and get a little lunch together? Say, “okay.”
Becky: Okay. Very sneaky. What are you doing here anyway?
Jesse: Well, it’s Saturday and the girls wanted to come and watch you guys shoot your show.
Danny: Are you laughing at me or with me? I’m not laughing so that pretty much answers my question.
Becky: No, Danny, you look cute. The theme of the show is a little bit of country in the city. So believe me, nobody’s laughing at you.
Jesse: Come here, Michelle, let’s go look at the horse. Let’s look at the horse.
D.J.: Isn’t he the most gorgeous creature you’ve ever seen?
Kimmy: No, Patrick Swayze is.
Stephanie: Look at the pretty horse. What’s his name?
Stephanie: Hello, Rocket.
Joey: Hello, Stephanie.
Stephanie: I beg your pardon?
Joey: I said, hello, Stephanie.
Stephanie: He talks! The horse talks! And he knows my name.
D.J.: Stephanie, it’s Joey.
Joey: There’s no Joey here. Pay no attention to that man whose lips are moving.
Stephanie: That is not funny. I’m never gonna trust another talking horse.
Joey: Steph, I’ll make it up to you. Hey, I’ll show you a duck over here that sounds just like Elmer Fudd. He goes, “Quack, quack, quack. Hello.”
Famer: Looks like that horse has taken a shine to you. Old Rocket’s been a little lonely since his owner moved to Chicago.
D.J.: What’s gonna happen to him?
Famer: The fact is, I’m supposed to find him a good home. Somebody could have themselves a free horse.
D.J.: A free horse? No money? Zero dollars? An absolutely free horse? I might be interested.
Famer: Not so fast, honey. It costs ts100 every two weeks to feed and stable him.
D.J.: A hundred dollars? I’ll get back to you. Just put the horse on layaway. Kimmy, a horse of my very own. My dream come true. Let’s do this together. We’ll be the only kids in the sixth grade with a real horse.
Kimmy: That’ll make Kathy Santoni shut up about her stupid moped.
D.J.: We’ll get our parents to split the money. I’ll ask my dad now. Dad. Dad. Can I have a pet? I’ll feed it. I’ll take care of it. I’ll be totally responsible.
Danny: Honey, a pet is a big responsibility.
D.J.: I just covered that.
Danny: Well, I don’t know. Maybe something small like a parakeet or a goldfish. Nothing with teeth.
Becky: Danny, we’re on.
D.J.: That’s my dad. Bye, Dad.
Danny: Good morning, and welcome to a special Saturday edition of Weke Up Sen Frencisco. I’m Danny Tanner.
Becky: I’m Rebecca Donaldson. And today we’re live from Golden Gate Stables. Danny, isn’t this wonderful? It reminds me of growing up in Nebraska.
Danny: Reminds me of a rerun of Green Acres.
Becky: You know, sometimes I really miss farm life. But not today, because I havea special 4-H kind of surprise for you.
Danny: Rebecca, I don’t like surprises.
Becky: I know.
Famer: Come on, honey. Come on, Marilyn.
Michelle: Hi, goat.
Becky: Surprise! San Francisco is gonna watch you learn how to milk a goat. Now, you sit down right here. Watch out, honey. And you grab on right under there.
Danny: Rebecca, I have a thing about touching goats below the waist.
Becky: Come on, it’s easy. Like this. Come on, honey. Now, you try it.
Danny: Hi, Marilyn. Danny Tanner. Kids, don’t try this at home.
In D.J. & Stephanie’s bedroom
Kimmy: Well, I asked my mom about the horse.
D.J.: What did she say?
Kimmy: She said, “Kimberly Louise Gibbler, have you lost your mind?” I didn’t really have an answer for that. Did you try asking your dad again?
D.J.: No, I have a better idea. If we take care of Rocket all by ourselves for two weeks our parents will be impressed, they’ll let us keep him.
Kimmy: I love the way your mind works. How does your mind say we pay for two weeks of stable fees?
D.J.: My mind says if we take our allowance and all our savings, we’ll have just enough money.
Kimmy: Yeah! All I have to do is give up shopping. Give up shopping? Did those words come out of my mouth?
D.J.: Kimmy, how can you compare shopping to having our very own horse? Come on, say it with me. We’re gonna get a horse. We’re gonna get a horse.
D.J. & Kimmy: We’re gonna get a horse. We’re gonna get a horse.
D.J. & Kimmy & Stephanie: We’re gonna get a horse.
Stephanie: We’re gonna get a horse.
D.J.: Stephanie, you didn’t hear that.
Stephanie: Of course I did. We’re gonna get a horse! See, I heard it.
D.J.: Tell you what. If you can keep the horse a secret for two weeks, I’ll let you own part of the horse.
Stephanie: Which part?
D.J.: The tail.
Stephanie: My very own tail? Deal. I think I’ll name it Buttercup.
Kimmy: Are you sure you can trust her? She is such a blabbermouth.
Stephanie: I can keep a secret. No one knows about the bag of Halloween candy in my sock drawer. I am a blabbermouth.
D.J. & Kimmy: Halloween candy.
D.J.: Give it to me! I want it!
Stephanie: Wait! It’s not in there anymore. It’s stale. It’ll rot your teeth.
In the living room
Joey: Okay, Michelle, you ready to go for a ride in your brand-new car? Okay, here we go. Fasten your seat belt. Okay, Michelle, let’s burn rubber. Ready? Beep the horn.
Jesse: Oh, look out!
Joey: Hey, bum, out of my way. You ready for your nap, Michelle?
Michelle: Hey, bum.
Joey: You gotta be careful what you say in front of these kids.
Jesse: Michelle, look at this. We got you a toy. Now you take a nap, and by the time you’re done, we’ll have it all blown up for you, okay? She better sleep for a month.
Joey: Hope so. See you.
Jesse: See you.
Becky: You and Joey are gonna be great parents. You guys should have kids of your own.
Jesse: Well, we’ve talked about it. Actually, neither one of us is willing to go through labor.
Becky: You need some help with that?
Jesse: No, I can take care of this. It’s a man’s job.
Becky: All right. In that case, I’ll get back to the studio.
Jesse: No, wait! Don’t go yet. I’m gonna faint.
Becky: You know, I really had a great time with you.
Jesse: So did I. Listen, Becky, can I ask you a personal question?
Jesse: Do you eat dinner?
Becky: Almost every night.
Jesse: This is amazing! So do I. Two people, both dinner-eaters. How often does that happen? Have dinner with me tonight, please?
Becky: I can’t tonight. I have to work on Monday’s show.
Jesse: It’s the weekend.
Becky: Oh, I know, but this job is a big opportunity for me and I really have to stay focused.
Jesse: I got an idea. Take an hour and focus on some pasta fazool.
Becky: Don’t misunderstand. I really like having you as a friend. Besides, it’s gonna take you all weekend to blow up Godzilla. Bye.
Jesse: Bye. What am I doing wrong? Am I scaring her off? It’s you. All right, I’ll have dinner with you. Come on, let’s go eat Tokyo.
In the farm
D.J.: Rocket, we’re going to take such good care of you. You wanna ride him first?
Kimmy: You mean get on him? In my new outfit? Why don’t I just go tell everybody in school we got a horse? Later, partner.
D.J.: Rocket, let’s go for a nice long ride and I’ll try to explain Kimmy to you. Rocket, these have been the best two weeks of my life. You’re the best horse I’ve ever owned. And I’m not just saying that because you’re the only horse I’ve ever owned. If I owned a hundred horses, you’d always be my favorite.
Kimmy: Hi, D.J. Hi, Rocket.
D.J.: Kimmy, where have you been? I need your $50.
Kimmy: Has it been two weeks already?
D.J.: Fifty dollars, Kimmy.
Kimmy: Do you like my new shirt and new boots?
D.J.: Yeah, they’re really nice. Oh, Kimmy, you didn’t.
Kimmy: I did.
D.J.: You went to the mall?
Kimmy: I don’t even know how I got there. I tried to leave, but then I saw this shirt and these boots–
D.J.: Gibbler, you’re a mallaholic.
Kimmy: I’m sorry I spent the money. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m not ready for this responsibility yet. Bye, D.J. Bye, Rocket.
Famer: Hi, kiddo. Something wrong, dumpling?
D.J.: My friend wimped out on me. I only have $50.
Famer: Well, now, that leaves you about $50 short. Now, if you can’t afford to take care of the horse, I gotta find someone who can.
D.J.: Well, wait. Let me check my backpack. I have a hairbrush. A math book that’s never been used. Oh, wait, something better than cash. A George Michael CD.
Famer: Either that boy’s wearing an earring or that gal’s got some serious stubble. No, I’m sorry, honey, I gotta have cash. I gotta go tell the boss that he’s gotta find a new owner for Rocket.
D.J.: Well, wait. Can I just take him for one last ride?
Famer: No harm in that. I’ll be back.
D.J.: Don’t worry, Rocket. I’ll think of something. Nobody’s ever gonna take you away from me.
In the kitchen
Stephanie: I win.
Harry: I let you win.
Stephanie: I let you let me win.
Harry: Got it, chief.
Stephanie: Would you like anything to eat, Harry?
Harry: Let’s see….I’ll have a steak, medium-rare.
Stephanie: We’re out of steak. I’ll make you my specialty, cheese doughnuts.
Harry: How do you make that?
Stephanie: Simple. See, cheese doughnuts.
Harry: Wow, where’d you learn to cook?
Jesse: Hello, rug rats. Steph, go see if D.J.’s home so she can help me unpack these groceries, okay?
Stephanie: Come on, let’s go see.
Jesse: Oh, good, cheese doughnuts.
In the living room
Harry: Wow, a horse in the living room! I’m not even allowed to eat in my living room. I’m gonna go home and ask if I can sleepover.
Stephanie: D.J., are Rocket and Buttercup gonna live with us?
D.J.: No. I came in to get Rocket a carrot and he followed me in. I gotta get him out to the back yard.
Stephanie: Why did you bring him here?
D.J.: I didn’t have enough money for stable fees. Once Dad sees Rocket, I know he’ll fall in love with him. But he won’t love him in the house. I gotta get him out to the back yard.
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse’s in the kitchen.
D.J.: We’re dead.
Stephanie: Don’t get me in trouble. Hide the tail.
D.J.: I’ll get him out. You get Uncle Jesse upstairs, and don’t say a word about the horse.
Who’d believe me?
In the kitchen
Stephanie: Hey, Uncle Jesse, since Daddy’s not home wanna go upstairs and jump on his bed, huh? Sound like fun?
Jesse: What was that?
Stephanie: D.J. She’s watching Mr. Ed. Sounds so real, doesn’t it?
Jesse: Too real.
In the living room
Jesse: How did…? Where did you…? How–? Help me out here.
D.J.: I can explain.
Jesse: No, no, wait, don’t tell me. You were walking by the supermarket, some kid had a litter of these in a cardboard box. Joey!
Joey: Jess, I am trying to put the baby to– Horse. How did you…? Where did you…? How did it–?
Jesse: My words exactly.
Joey: Oh, great. Danny’s gonna walk in, see this horse and blame me for the whole thing. You know why? Because this is very funny.
D.J.: Help me. I gotta get Rocket outside before Dad comes home. Steph, just keep a lookout for Dad.
Jesse: Danny’s gonna flip his gourd. We gotta get this horse out of here.
Joey: How do we get him out?
Jesse: We’ll feed him, give him food. What does he eat?
Jesse: We don’t have any hay.
Joey: Jess, you went to the market and you didn’t pick up any hay?
Stephanie: Daddy’s coming home.
D.J.: Guys, please. I’m begging you. Help me.
Joey: Jess, I got a plan. Follow my lead and agree with everything I say.
Joey: Come on. Act natural.
Danny: Hi, guys.
Joey: Hi, Danny, we got a big surprise for you. Right, Jess?
Jesse: It’s big.
Joey: Yeah, it’s in the kitchen, so close your eyes.
Jesse: Right, close your eyes.
Joey: Close your eyes.
Jesse: Here we go.
Danny: Wait. I know what the surprise is. Joey, you’re making that chili again.
Joey: No. Better than that.
Jesse: Watch the steps. Here we go.
Joey: In the kitchen.
Jesse: You are gonna love this. Keep them closed.
Joey: Keep them closed.
Danny: There’s a horse in my living room.
Stephanie: He didn’t hear it from me.
Danny: What are you doing here?
Stephanie: Hello, Dad.
Joey: Good impression, Steph. A little more Johnny Cash, though.
D.J.: Dad, I can’t tell a lie. This is my horse. I’ve had him for two weeks.
Danny: You can’t tell a lie? There’s a horse in my living room. There has to be a lie involved here somewhere.
D.J.: I can explain everything.
Danny: How in the world did you get it? What were you thinking? Has it been here for two weeks? Welcome to Fether Knows Nothing.
D.J.: Dad, this is Rocket.
Danny: D.J., we have to talk. Go to your room. Would you guys please get this thing outside? I can’t believe this. I just vacuumed in here.
Jesse: Well, you know anything about getting a horse to move?
Joey: Well, yeah, there’s a little coin slot you just drop a quarter into.
Jesse: All right, I’ll ride him out. Okay.
Jesse: Stay. Stay. All right, let’s go, Buttercup.
Joey: Right here. There you go.
Stephanie: Hi-yo, Buttercup!
In D.J. & Stephanie’s bedroom
D.J.: You know how much I love horses. I just thought if I could prove to you I could take care of Rocket by myself that you would let me keep him.
Danny: Why didn’t you just come to me in the first place?
D.J.: Well, I started to but then I saw you were gonna say no, so I stopped.
Danny: But then you went ahead and did exactly what you wanted to.
D.J.: I’m sorry, Dad.
Danny: Well, I’m sorry too. Because now I’ve got a big problem.
Danny: Well, you got a horse without my permission, you lied where you’ve been after school and you involved your sister in this. For the past two weeks, it’s been nothing but lies, hasn’t it?
Danny: So how will I ever know when you’re telling me the truth?
D.J.: I don’t know. I’m sorry, Dad. All I could think about was getting a horse. I just want you to trust me again. What can I do?
Danny: Well…I don’t know, D.J. But I want you to know even if you do something I don’t like, I’m always gonna love you. We’ll find a way to work this out. Here.
D.J.: You’re still gonna punish me, aren’t you?
Danny: Oh, yeah. Bigtime.
D.J.: Well, what about Rocket?
Danny: What would you do if you were me?
D.J.: I’d definitely let me keep him.
Danny: Well, I’m sorry, honey but you have to give up the horse.
In the farm
D.J.: I’m sorry, Rocket. When I first wanted to get you, I just thought it’d be fun to have a horse. Now that I know you and how sweet you are you’re my friend. I’m gonna miss you so much.
Famer: Would you like to meet Rocket’s new owner?
D.J.: I don’t think so.
Becky: We’ve already met.
D.J.: Becky, you’re getting Rocket?
Becky: Well, your dad told me what was going on and growing up on a farm and all, I really miss being around animals. Especially horses. So here I am.
D.J.: You’re lucky. You’re getting a great horse. And, Rocket, you’re getting a nice owner.
Becky: Well, D.J., I was wondering. Maybe you’d like to help me take care of him, even ride him once in a while.
D.J.: I’d love to but I have to ask my dad. Could I help take care of Rocket after my punishment’s over?
Danny: I think we can work something out.
D.J.: Thank you. You’re the best.
Danny: You’re right. I am.
D.J.: Thank you, Rebecca.
Becky: You’re welcome.
Danny: Look, Michelle. A horsey. You wanna pet the horsey? What does a horsey say? This is a gifted child. I love you, Rocket.