セレステ∞ジェシー(2012年)

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[amazonjs asin=”B00DYQUGEC” locale=”JP” title=”セレステ&ジェシー DVD”]1 MONTAGE OVER THE OPENING CREDITS TO SUNNY LEVINE’S “LOVE 1
RHINO”:

A progression of images of CELESTE and JESSE, ages 18 to 30.
Visual media evolves with them throughout the years.

A1 POLAROIDS OF HIGH SCHOOL MOMENTS: A1
Celeste is a chronic overachiever and Jesse is sweet, goofy
and funny. He makes her laugh. They are best friends but it’s
clear that Jesse wishes they were more.
Close-up of their hands crossed, making “C” and “J” shapes.
Celeste and her football player boyfriend, Mike, kissing.
Jesse watches enviously from the sidelines, holding Mike’s
helmet.

B1 DIPOSABLE CAMERA PHOTOS: B1
They go to college together, study together, drink together.
They are still best friends.
Junior year, Celeste with Saleem, her hot, black militant
boyfriend. They kiss passionately.
A moment later, Jesse poses reluctantly with the couple,
holding up a “Black Power” fist, weakly.

C1 SUPER 8 FOOTAGE: C1
Senior year, Jesse draws “C AND J FOREVER” in a pristine,
snowy forest with a stick; he and Celeste laugh.
A moment later, they kiss deeply. They are finally together.

D1 DIGITAL VIDEO FOOTAGE OF “CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER”: D1
On an engraved necklace, carved into a tree, written on a
wet beach, and on their wedding cake.

E1 BLACK AND WHITE HI-RES PHOTOS SHOW THEM MARRIED: E1
Moving into their house, dancing, reading side by side,
kissing. This is true, everlasting love, the real kind.

F1 SHUTTERFLY ALBUM PHOTOS FROM FRIENDS’ PARTIES: F1
Celeste and Jesse, in silence, amongst joyful party guests.
Jesse telling a joke and Celeste no longer laughing.
Jesse and Celeste on a bench, distant.
The next picture, hugging.

G1 MACBOOK PHOTO BOOTH SNAPSHOT: G1
Jesse asleep on Celeste’s shoulder as she kisses him on the
head.
2.

2 INT. TOYOTA PRIUS-DAY 2

It’s a bright, clear Los Angeles Saturday afternoon. Celeste
and Jesse, now 30, both sing along to “Love Rhino,” the song
heard under the montage. Jesse drives while Celeste is on her
Blackberry. Jesse, boyishly handsome, wears an old tee and a
hooded sweatshirt. Celeste is wearing all black workout
gear. She is always wearing all black.

JESSE
I’m a Love Rhino…

CELESTE JESSE
Don’t worry `bout me, I’ve Dont’ worry `bout me, I’ve
got a enough love for got enough love, for the two
the…(her Blackberry rings) us. Oh please…
oh shit, I gotta take this.
Turn it down.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
…I’m a Love…

CELESTE
Jess, turn it down, seriously!

She playfully slaps him. He turns it down. A little.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Hello? Hi. With Jesse, running
errands. (to Jesse) Turn it down.
More. (back to the phone) Yeah, I
can do it now. No, it’ll be fast,
right? (To Jesse) Hey, I have to
give a quick sound bite for the New
York Times, so no noise please? For
a second?

JESSE
Maybe. I may have an important call
coming in too, so…

They both know he has no important call coming in.

CELESTE
(on the phone) Okay. Ready? This
year all trends point towards
simplicity and comfort.

Celeste is momentarily distracted by a bad driver in front of
them.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Jess, just go around him! (To the
phone) Sorry.
(MORE)
3.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Consumers will be less likely to go
out for entertainment.

While Celeste is dictating, Jesse is getting bored. He starts
looking through the middle console. He finds something. A
melted tube of Chapstick. Ew. Ooh, a cigarette. Jesse lights
the cigarette, takes a drag. Celeste looks at Jesse and
signals to him, “Can I have a drag?”

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Uhhh, things like Voodoo, casual
wear and cookbooks will see a huge
spike in the market.

He hands her the cigarette and she promptly chucks it out the
window.

JESSE
What the shit??

CELESTE
(she whispers to Jesse) Shhh. Phone
call.(back to her call) That’s
enough of a blurb, right?

Jesse is now checking out nose hairs in the visor mirror. He
then looks at his teeth.

JESSE
Does this tooth look dark?

Celeste just glares at him.

CELESTE
Okay. Call me back if they need
more.

Jesse looks at his tooth again in the rearview mirror.

JESSE
Like a little darker than the rest?

Celeste waves her hand to quiet Jesse.

CELESTE
Okay, thanks bye. (to Jesse) Can’t
you just sit still for two minutes?
And we talked about this, no more
smoking!

JESSE
I wasn’t smoking, I just found it.
4.

CELESTE
Come on.

They drive by “Urban Light,” Chris Burden’s installation at
the entrance of LACMA. They are rows of restored street
lamps. Celeste sneers.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Really? Street lamps? No. Not doin’
it. That is not art.

JESSE
I think it’s beautiful.

A beat passes. Then, Jesse pulls over.

CELESTE
What are you doing? Why are you
stopping?

JESSE
Well, your appointment is not until
noon and this is that place with
the deadstock vintage Italian
fabric. I thought it would be good
for the guest room windows.

Celeste is truly touched by the gesture.

CELESTE
Oh wow…you are so thoughtful.

Jesse smiles, proud of himself.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Thanks, Jess.

She gives him a kiss on the cheek. Jesse’s phone rings, he
answers.

JESSE
Whassup, muthafucka??

Celeste rolls her eyes and gets out of the car to look at
fabric.

CUT TO:

3 INT. TOYOTA PRIUS-10 MINUTES LATER 3

Celeste is getting back in the car with some fabric swatches.
5.

CELESTE
Jess, that place is insane. They
have tassels that were manufactured
for Mussolini’s mistress…

JESSE
(covering the phone) Sorry, I’m on
the phone. It’s important.

CELESTE
Okay then.

Celeste sits quietly while Jesse is on his call.

JESSE
Really? I just…don’t know what to
say. Thank you so much for calling
me.

Celeste throws her hands up in silent celebration.

CELESTE
(whispers) Did you get the job??

Jesse signals with his finger, “one minute.”

JESSE
Well, sometimes things are just
meant to work out.

Celeste looks at him with anticipation.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Okay, great. Great. Talk soon. Bye.

CELESTE
Was that the job? Did you get the
book job?

JESSE
No, but Celeste…

He looks at her and grabs her hand, with tears in his eyes.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
…a swell came in last night. Out
of the Northeast. It’s overhead and
it’s glassy.

CELESTE
What the fuck are you talking
about?
6.

JESSE
Malibu. The waves are peeling out
there.

CELESTE
Is this about surfing? You’re
talking about going surfing.
Unbelievable.

JESSE
No, this is best part. Skillz got a
hi-def digital camera and he’s
gonna film me!!!

CELESTE
Oh, god.

JESSE
And we’re gonna upload it on You
Tube!

CELESTE
I’m not…

JESSE
What? Is that not awesome?

CELESTE
No, yeah, I just thought it was
about the Slate job you interviewed
for.

JESSE
Oh yeah. No. They haven’t called
yet. But if they don’t think I’m
the right artist to illustrate the
book, then it’s not the right job
for me. You know what I mean?

CELESTE
I absolutely do, yes. You are a
wonderful artist. But at some
point, you will show the world that
one day…right?

JESSE
Hey, can I drop you at home now?
Because I just missed a wave.

CELESTE
Well…

JESSE
Wait! I just missed another one.
7.

CELESTE
Yeah. Take me home, it’s fine.

CUT TO:

4 INT. TOYOTA PRIUS-30 MINUTES LATER 4

Jesse is dropping Celeste at home.

CELESTE
Be back by six so you can shower.

JESSE
Why shower?

CELESTE
Dinner with Beth and Tucker.

JESSE
Right, right.

CELESTE
Have fun shredding your glassy
peel.

JESSE
Aw, so wrong.

CELESTE
Love you.

JESSE
Love you too.

He promptly blasts the radio and flashes their signature “C
and J” hand sign. She flashes it back. He zooms off.

5 INT. LITTLE DOM’S-NIGHT 5

Celeste and Jesse are on double date with BETH, 30, petite,
and full of energy and TUCKER, 31, preppy in an indy way.
These are their best friends from college. They’re engaged.

TUCKER
Did you end up going to see that
band at Spaceland last week?

JESSE
Oh, The Injured Saint? Yeah, dude.
They are real. You know what? They
should be your wedding band.
(MORE)
8.

JESSE (CONTD)
They’re loud but they’re
affordable.

CELESTE
They opened for Darcy Fudged His
Knickers. Now, they’re amazing.
You’d be lucky to book them for
your wedding. Or you should see if
Emergency Breakthrough is
available. The horn section is
tight.

BETH
It’s already done. We got the best
swing band in New England.
Sugarfoot and The Swingin’ Scrod.

TUCKER
I told you, I’m not doing it. Swing
is so late 90’s, honey.

Beth leans over a gives him a deep kiss. She knows how to
work him.

BETH
I love you. We’ll talk about this
later.

Celeste looks over the menu. Celeste and Jesse’s next
interaction is said with heavy, really bad German accents,
which is hilarious–only to them.

CELESTE
So veee ahhh gawwnna share zeh beet
zalad and zeh bolognese,
riiiiiiight?

JESSE
Yawh. But I em murdering zeh creme
brulee alooooone. No sharrrrring.

CELESTE
I don’t vant dessert. I vill joost
have bite oof yorrrs.

JESSE
Ve know zeh end of zat story. Yawh
we doooooo!

CELESTE
Yawh!!!!
9.

Celeste and Jesse giggle at their stupid inside joke for a
little too long. Then, there is a deafening lull in the
conversation. Beth is buttering a piece of bread. She loudly
drops the knife on her plate and buries her head in her
hands.

BETH
I can’t do this. I just can’t.

Celeste is genuinely concerned about her friend.

CELESTE
Are you okay? Oh no…

BETH
It’s just not right. I can’t hold
my tongue. We can’t do this
anymore.

CELESTE
Honey, weddings are stressful, I
know all about it. But you guys
we’ll be fine!

BETH
NO. WE are fine. What the fuck are
YOU TWO doing??

Jesse and Celeste look at Beth in amazement.

CELESTE
What do you mean?

JESSE
Yeah, what do you mean?

BETH
What do I mean?? You guys are not
together anymore! This is not
normal! You’ve been separated for
SIX MONTHS and you hang out every
day like nothing’s wrong! It’s
fucking weird!

TUCKER
Beth…

BETH
No, Tucker, you think it’s weird
too. Speak up for yourself.

TUCKER
It’s weird. Let’s not play charades
anymore.
10.

CELESTE
No charades. We are separated and
we’re friends. You guys should be
happy, all we did was fight before.

JESSE
Yeah, you guys should be thrilled
about this. You’ll never have to
pick sides.

CELESTE
Yeah, everyone’s cool.

BETH
Everyone is not cool! This is not
cool! It’s just not working for
me, I’m sorry.

Beth gets up and walks out. Celeste and Jesse sit there and
stare at Tucker in silence.

JESSE
Bett iz zo angry.

CELESTE
Yah, she iz uber angry. Yahhh.

TUCKER
Yeah, you guys are weird. I can’t
do this. It’s fucked up.

Tucker gets up and leaves. Jesse and Celeste watch him leave
and sip their wine quietly.

6 INT. TOYOTA PRIUS-NIGHT-LATER 6

Celeste drives and Jesse is in the passenger seat. He has a
tube of Vaseline Lip Therapy. He is stroking it rapidly as if
it were a penis. This is not the first time.

JESSE
C, look…uhhhh!

Celeste looks at him. She joins in. She reaches over and
pushes in on the tube. Vaseline comes out of the top. This
looks a lot like a penis ejaculating.

CELESTE
Ahhhhh! Oh god!

They both erupt in laughter. Even though this is the
thousandth time they’ve done this stupid joke, it will always
be funny. To them.
11.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Beth and Tucker are crazy.

JESSE
Crazy.

CELESTE
It’s not weird that we hang out.
Do you think it’s weird we hang
out?

JESSE
No, of course not. You’re my best
friend.

CELESTE
Yeah you too. I mean, we can’t not
hang out. The last time we didn’t
talk for longer than a week was in
10th grade when you went to Space
Camp Canada.

JESSE
Yeah, that was 6 weeks of torture.
I mean, the anti-gravity training
was insane but I missed you.

CUT TO:

7 EXT. CELESTE’S DRIVEWAY- 10 MINUTES LATER 7

Celeste and Jesse stand in the driveway of Celeste’s house.
There is a bit of a linger.

CELESTE
Well, I’m exhausted.

JESSE
Me too.

Celeste walks to her front door with her key and Jesse heads
towards the side gate with his key. It is now obvious that he
is living in her guest house.

CELESTE
Hey, it’s kinda chilly tonight,
how’s the heat in there?

JESSE
Oh, it’s fine. I’m fine.

He keeps walking. He turns again to Celeste.
12.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Sorry I’m still living here. Times
are tough and money’s tight so you
know…

CELESTE
Jesse, please, you can stay here as
long as you like. It’s your
studio. It’s actually really nice
to have you here.

JESSE
For me too.

CELESTE
Oh, don’t forget, the contractor
needs to get in there for
measurements in the morning. So
make sure your thingys, your
sculptures, whatever…are out of
the way.

JESSE
Got it.

CELESTE
Night.

JESSE
Night. Love you.

CELESTE
Love you too.

8 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-MORNING 8

Celeste’s morning symphony is under way. She sits in front of
a bowl of oatmeal, a bowl of berries, a cup of coffee, 4
neatly stacked newspapers, her laptop and the television
tuned to CNN. She methodically eats, sips her coffee, reads
the paper, watches TV, and surfs the internet. She is clearly
a culture vulture. Jesse walks by outside his studio and does
the “C and J” sign to Celeste. She does it back
instinctively. Is it weird that we hang out so much? She
shakes it off and titters. She’s being ridiculous; it’s fine.

9 INT. COFFEE BEAN- MORNING 9

Celeste walks in, dressed impeccably. Again, in all black.
She is in a rush, on her Blackberry, bombarded with a hefty
pre-work crowd. People are in some semblance of a line,
waiting to order.
13.

Celeste spots a man in a business suit, taking advantage of
the confusion and cutting in front of a woman at the head of
the line. He orders.

BUSINESS MAN
Large coffee, please.

CELESTE
Excuse me, sir?

The business man pretends to not hear her.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Sir? You?

She taps him on the arm. He turns around.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
You do realize that you just cut in
front of a lot of people.

BUSINESS MAN
Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know.

CELESTE
Did you not?

BUSINESS MAN
I’m in a rush.

CELESTE
So you did know. And everyone’s in
a rush, so…

Other people in line are now paying attention. Celeste wants
to let it go, but she can’t.

BUSINESS MAN
Well, she was looking at the
pastries, I didn’t think she was
ready to order.

CELESTE
Well, it’s not just her. It’s
everyone behind her too. So, if you
want to ask all these people if
it’s okay to cut in front of them
because you are late, be my guest.
Just don’t assume that your time is
more important than everyone
else’s.

The business man gets his coffee.
14.

BUSINESS MAN
Have a nice day.

CELESTE
(sotto) Prick.

10 INT. POP FORM CONFERENCE ROOM-MORNING 10

Pop Form Headquarters looks like the future. No walls, just
large glass slabs, separate the offices from each other.

Celeste is on camera, in the middle of conducting a live
satellite interview for MSNBC.

CELESTE
American culture is dying. We have
an unrelenting appetite for
processed junk food, talentless pop
stars like Riley Banks and recycled
movie franchises like Transformers.
The more we consume crap, the more
we want crap.

CUT TO:

11 INT. MSNBC STUDIOS 11

Rachel Maddow is conducting the interview in studio.

RACHEL MADDOW
Sounds utterly hopeless. Is there
an upshot?

CELESTE
I think there will be a groundswell
movement towards simplicity.
People will start to listen to
their most rudimentary needs– they
will crave mental, spiritual and
physical nourishment. It’s back to
basics.

RACHEL MADDOW
Wow, a lot to chew on. Well, thanks
for being with us today. You’re
great, come back any time. For more
on this gloomy but interesting
subject, look out for trend
forecaster, Celeste Martin’s new
book “Shitegeist,” on bookshelves
Monday.
15.

CELESTE
Thanks so much, Rachel.

12 INT. SCOTT’S OFFICE-AFTERNOON 12

SCOTT, 40, Celeste’s partner, gay but very straight, sharply
dressed and bespectacled, sits at his desk. Celeste enters.

CELESTE
So I had dinner with the drama club
last night.

SCOTT
Who’s that?

CELESTE
Tucker and Beth. They’re such
dicks. They left in protest because
they think Jesse and I are being
“unhealthy.” So judgy, right? We’re
fine.

SCOTT
You’re only done when you’re done.

CELESTE
Spare me the spiritual platitudes,
Scotty. If we were gay,(she motions
to Scott) no one would even
question us being friends!

SCOTT
You and Jesse are clearly not ready
to let each other go. And there’s
nothing wrong with that.

CELESTE
Yeah there’s nothing wrong with
that. I mean, what do you think?

SCOTT
Well, to be honest…

Celeste looks at an e-mail her blackberry and interrupts.

CELESTE
Wait, we’re signing Riley Banks??
When were you going to tell me?? I
just trashed her on Rachel Maddow.
Great.
16.

SCOTT
Yeah, that’s why I wanted you to
come in. It’s a huge account..

CELESTE
Scott, you and I built this company
so we wouldn’t have to take an
account like Riley Banks.

SCOTT
Well, you and I may not have a
company if we don’t take Riley
Banks. Recession, remember?

CELESTE
She’s like a…soul-less hologram.

SCOTT
She is releasing a new album. She
wants us to do the branding and
merchandising. We need to take this
account.

CELESTE
Ok. Fine. I’m gonna go eat lunch.

Celeste starts to heads out.

SCOTT
If you are looking for my opinion,
I do think you should start dating.

CELESTE
I don’t do dating. The right guy
will show up. And I’m still on
track for my 25 year plan.

SCOTT
No one has a 25 year plan. Except
for my mortgage company.

CELESTE
First child at 33. Second at 35.
Which means I will only be 56 at my
eldest’s college graduation. The
bad news is that I may not be at my
4th grandchild’s high school
graduation. But that’s okay, I
guess.

SCOTT
I’m fascinated with the mentally
ill.
17.

CELESTE
I’ve got time. I’m not worried.

SCOTT
Well, do me a favor and get your
fuck on before you meet the next
guy.

Celeste looks at Scott in shock.

CELESTE
What are you doing?

SCOTT
Sorry, I was trying to be your
saucy gay friend. It didn’t feel
good.

CELESTE
Yeah don’t.

13 EXT. YOGA YURT-AFTERNOON 13

Jesse and SKILLZ, 32, another man-boy, in hip-hop gear, wait
in a very, very long line of very, very hip people at LA’s
trendiest new yogurt place.

SKILLZ
The economic climate is real bad,
man. And I think my business is
taking the hardest hit of all. It’s
brutal. And no one’s talking about
it.

JESSE
You sell pot.

SKILLZ
Not for long, dude. Have you been
to those weed pharmacies? They’re
killing me. I gotta branch out.
Maybe start working in
methamphetamines? Or maybe teach
pre-school. I always wanted to do
that. I love kids.

Skillz is distracted by something.

SKILLZ (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Sorry, I know this is serious talky
time but would you look at the
fucking seat on that girl?
18.

We see a girl’s apple bottom butt stuffed into blue jeans.

SKILLZ (CONT’D) (CONTD)
THAT is a party.

Jesse does not laugh. He looks like he is in pain.

JESSE
I don’t think it’s over.

SKILLZ
What? Her butt? No, it will never
be over. It goes on forever. It’s
like space. So great.

JESSE
No, Celeste and I. I think she’s
just confused and overwhelmed right
now about everything. But she’ll
come around. She always does.

SKILLZ
Uh oh. It’s been a while now. I
think it’s over, bro. It may be
time to accept that and move on.
Call that dime Veronica.

Jesse looks uncomfortable.

JESSE
That was a one time thing, a couple
months after Celeste and I broke
up. Celeste does not know about
that. And we will keep it that
way.

SKILLZ
Didn’t know that was a hit and run.
Sounded like you liked her.

JESSE
Well, she’s not Celeste. It’s
always been Celeste. I’m not ready
to give up.

SKILLZ
Okay, but remember, you can’t re-
heat a souffle.

JESSE
Huh?
19.

SKILLZ
Also, there’s Bettys everywhere.
It’s LA. Maybe it’s good to remind
Celeste that you can pull wool.
Make her sweat a little bit.

JESSE
It definitely wouldn’t hurt to…go
out with somebody.

They reach the front of the line.

YOGURT GIRL
Do you know what you want?

JESSE
Yeah, I want to not be a quitter. I
don’t want to start all over again.
I want everything that I believed
to have been true to be true. I
also want a goji berry/green tea
swirl with yogurt chips and Fruity
Pebbles. Please.

SKILLZ
(to Yogurt Girl) Hey, you should go
out on a date with my friend here.

YOGURT GIRL
Um, wait, where’s your wife? You
guys are here like everyday
together.

JESSE
Well…we’re separated.

YOGURT GIRL
Oh. Cool. I mean, bummer. But okay.
I’ll go.

14 INT. LACMA-LATE AFTERNOON 14

Celeste and Beth wander amidst the modern art. They stop to
take in a Cindy Sherman photo.

BETH
It’s so…grotesque.

CELESTE
But kind of beautiful. In a
grotesque way.
20.

BETH
Ugh, let’s keep moving. Too many
feelings.

Celeste and Beth wander to the wall and stare at a Damien
Hirst collage.

BETH (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I need to say this and then I’ll
never bring it up again. I’m sorry
I wigged on you guys the other
night but I don’t know what you’re
doing. I think it’s stupid that
you’re not together. You are best
friends and that’s the hard part.
Nothing else matters.

Celeste and Beth stand in silence. Then:

CELESTE
Beth, the reality is I love Jesse
dearly but he doesn’t have a
checking account. Or dress shoes.
The father of my children will have
a car. But…Jesse will always be
my best friend.

BETH
Okay fine. I’ve said my peace. It’s
your life. But I definitely don’t
think he should be living in your
guest house. I think you’re kind of
breaking his heart. Slowly.

CELESTE
Jesse is fine.

BETH
Can I show you something?

CELESTE
Sure.

Beth suddenly pulls Celeste into a corner. With no art.

BETH
Okay. Look.

She points to her neck.

CELESTE
What am I looking at?
21.

BETH
It’s a hair. On my NECK.

CELESTE
Ewww. Will you get that thing
lasered off, please? What the fuck?

BETH
I can’t because it will pop up
somewhere else where I can’t keep
my eye on it.

CELESTE
Are you serious? That’s the
craziest thing I’ve ever heard.
It’s not a turnip.

BETH
Trust me, I know my body. It’s a
cruel land mine.

CELESTE
Okay, well at least pluck it for
Chrissake.

BETH
I should, at least before my
wedding, right?

CELESTE
What is wrong with you?

Celeste grabs the hair and pulls it out.

BETH
(in pain) AHHHHHHHHHH!

A security guard heads for them.

CELESTE
Sorry sir, my friend has a really
strong emotional reaction to modern
art.

BETH
That was fucking rude.

CELESTE
Had to be done.
22.

15 EXT. JESSE’S STUDIO-EARLY EVENING 15

The studio is beautifully, magically chaotic. There are
large canvasses everywhere, paint rags, spray cans, common
household items turned into sculptures (buttons, clothespin,
hangers) and mobiles. Celeste walks in. Jesse is on a
mattress on the floor, he’s clearly been sitting there for a
while. He is fist-deep in a huge bag of Cheetos and he’s
watching the 2008 Beijing Olympics on Tivo. He is watching a
short feature about Olympian Matthias Steiner, a gold
medalist in weight lifting.

CELESTE
Hey…you’re not working? Are you
watching the Olympics? Again? And
crying? Again?

Jesse blows his nose.

JESSE
Yeah.

CELESTE
God, you really love that, don’t
you?

JESSE
Matthias’ wife died in a car
accident last year.

CELESTE
Well, three years ago now but…

JESSE
And he dedicated his gold medal to
her. The human spirit
is…unbreakable.

Jesse is choked up, can barely speak.

CELESTE
Uh huh. Hey, did you finish that
artwork for the Pop Form website?

JESSE
Huh? Oh yeah, I’m almost done. I’m
working on it. I think you’ll
really like it.

CELESTE
I’ll like it more when I have it
because I needed it yesterday,
so…
23.

Jesse turns off the television, takes a deep breath, wipes
his eyes and recovers.

JESSE
Celeste, can you sit down for a
minute? I have something really
important to tell you.

CELESTE
Oh. Okay. Does it have something to
do with the work you owe me?

Celeste sits. Jesse sits next to her. Again, he has tears in
his eyes.

JESSE
I don’t know how to tell you this
but…I have a date tonight. I’m
gonna start dating. People.

CELESTE
A date? Really? That is so great.

JESSE
It is? You don’t…

CELESTE
Yeah! Don’t cry. Good for you,
Jess.

JESSE
That doesn’t bother you? Wow, okay.
Well, it’s actually the Yogurt
Girl. From Yoga Yurt?

CELESTE
Really? Yogurt Girl, huh. She’s
cute! But so young, right?

JESSE
Super young. Her body is all-time.

CELESTE
Okay, no need for that. But this is
good! You gotta crawl before you
walk. I mean she’s definitely not
gonna be wifey number two, right?
Ha.

JESSE
Well, it’s just a date.

She hugs him in an unconsciously patronizing way.
24.

CELESTE
Big move. I’m proud of you.

Jesse looks confused and slightly hurt.

JESSE
Thanks?

CELESTE
Can I get up now?

JESSE
Huh? Yeah, sure.

Celeste gets up and is immediately fixated by his hair.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Yeah, Skillz kinda made me do it
and from the get go, she was way
into…what are you looking at?

CELESTE
No, nothing. Are you gonna wear
your hair like that?

JESSE
What? Oh. I don’t know, is it
weird?

CELESTE
Not weird, just different from how
it looks best.

She walks over and starts messing with his hair as he
continues.

JESSE
Anyway, this is what we’re doing
right? We’re getting divorced and
we’re friends and we’re also dating
people? That’s what we’re doing?

She is satisfied with her work. She steps back.

CELESTE
There. Better. You’ll be great. You
don’t even need to be great. Just
be you. Take her somewhere nice.

JESSE
Okay mom.

CELESTE
Call me after?
25.

16 INT. HATFIELD’S RESTAURANT-NIGHT 16

Jesse is on a date with Yogurt girl. It’s clear he’s hasn’t
been doing a lot of talking.

YOGURT GIRL
So I was in school but then I
dropped out because I really wanted
to work in fashion but it’s really
hard to find a paid internship? So
I went back to school and now I
work at Yoga Yurt part time but I’m
really looking to make money doing
something I love? But I’m sure the
universe is looking out for me and
when the time is right, the right
thing will come along, you know?

CUT TO:

17 INT. CELESTE’S BEDROOM- NIGHT 17

Celeste is in bed on the computer. She hears noise from the
outside. She listens more intently and hears Jesse… and a
woman, giggling and talking loudly. Then, the studio door
shuts. Is Yogurt Girl sleeping over? He wouldn’t do that.
Would he?

18 EXT. CELESTE’S GARDEN- NEXT MORNING 18

Again, with the morning symphony. Celeste drinks coffee, eats
breakfast, surfs the internet and flips through magazines.
This time, she’s also listening to a song from Riley Banks’
new album. It’s exactly what she thought it would be.
Overproduced, auto-tuned and meaningless. She nods her head,
“yeah, I get it.” She turns it off.

Celeste can’t stop herself from constantly looking over at
the studio to see if Yogurt Girl is still in there. Finally,
a sleeping Jesse stirs for a minute and changes position. He
is alone. Phew.

19 INT. BORDER’S BOOKS-LATER THAT DAY 19

Celeste, Beth, Tucker and Jesse browse as a foursome for
books.

CELESTE
Where is it? They told me it would
be in new releases…
26.

Celeste searches frantically for her book. She peeks around a
corner at a very obscured aisle with a sign reading “More New
Releases.” Three copies of her book, “Shitegeist” appear in
the very bottom row, barely visible. She is disappointed.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
That’s what I call placement.

She grabs a copy of her book and briskly walks back to the
front of the store.

BETH
Well you probably shouldn’t steal
it. Even if it is yours.

Celeste marches to the Oprah’s Book Club table and swiftly
replaces the center display book with her own.

CELESTE
There.

BETH
But you don’t have the “O” on your
cover, you can’t do that!

CELESTE
Yes I can.

Jesse and Tucker arrive and see the book.

JESSE
There you guys are…you’re on
Oprah’s Book List?? That’s so
great!

Something catches Celeste’s eye.

CELESTE
Some people are browsing my book.
Guys, come with me to eavesdrop …

Celeste, Tucker and Beth head off. Then:

GIRL (V.O.)
Jesse?

Jesse turns to see VERONICA, 26, stunning and European.

JESSE
Veronica?

VERONICA
Yeah, hey. How are you?
27.

JESSE
Good, good. You look great.

VERONICA
Thanks, you too. How’s your clothes
pin collage going?

JESSE
Slowly, but it’s going.

VERONICA
Well, don’t give up. Your work is
really unique. And beautiful. I
hope that doesn’t sound…

JESSE
No, that’s means a lot, thank you.

They looks at each other for a beat.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I had so much fun…that night. I’m
so sorry I didn’t call you. My life
is just…

VERONICA
I had a lot of fun too.

There is silence, as Beth, Celeste and Tucker arrive and
stare at her. Who is this creature??

JESSE
Oh sorry, Veronica, this is Beth
and Tucker and Celeste.

Veronica notices Celeste’s name on the book.

VERONICA
Oh, this is your book? I read an
excerpt online, it’s really
compelling.

CELESTE
Wow, thank you. That is so nice.

VERONICA
Well, nice to see you.

JESSE
Oh you too. Take care.

She turns and leaves.
28.

CELESTE
What is that?

JESSE
That was uh…Veronica.

CELESTE
Story?

JESSE
No story. Just this girl I met a
while ago.

CELESTE
Huh. She’s pretty.

Celeste changes focus again and turns to a Border’s employee
to loudly and unconvincingly act out “Interested Reader” for
other shoppers to hear.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
EXCUSE ME SIR? WHERE CAN I FIND
MORE COPIES OF THIS BOOK
“SHITEGEIST” FOR MY FRIENDS? I
HEARD IT IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!

He looks at her like she’s crazy and keeps walking. And so do
her friends.

20 EXT. TROUBADOR THEATER-NIGHT 20

Jesse and Skillz are exiting a Bizmarkie concert, surrounded
by older hip-hop fans and young hipsters who weren’t alive
when the Biz dropped his first album. They are trashed.

SKILLZ
Oh baby youuuuuuuu, you got what I
neeeeeed…

JESSE
And you say he’s just a friend, and
you say he’s just a friend….

JESSE SKILLZ
Oh baby youuuuu…. Oh baby youuuuu….

Jesse’s iPhone rings. A very flirty picture of Celeste comes
up.

SKILLZ
No, no, no. Ignore for sure.
29.

JESSE
Uh, I just need to…(picks up)
Hey.

SKILLZ
(whispering) Nooooo!

JESSE
(talking to Celeste) Uh huh. Okay.
Okay. No, I’m not busy. (hangs up)
Uh, I’m gonna go home.

SKILLS
Come on, after the show it’s the
after party.

JESSE
There’s an Ikea dresser that she
needs me to “build.”

Skillz takes this in. He is impressed.

SKILLZ
Huh. Really, cowboy? Are you
guys…

JESSE
I told you pal, I know what I’m
know I’m doing. She just needed
time.

21 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-NIGHT 21

Celeste is in a corner with a glass of wine and a HUGE bag of
nuts and bolts. She had a fight with a dresser and the
dresser won. Jesse uses his key and enters.

CELESTE
I’m in here! Fuck Sweden!

JESSE
Oh baby youuuuu….

CELESTE
It was definitely easier to build
the Brooklyn Bridge, I think.

JESSE
Well, how hard can it be? It’s a
dresser, right?

TIME CUT TO:
30.

22 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE- 30 MINUTES LATER 22

Jesse is drunker than before and sitting where Celeste was
earlier. Crying, frustrated. He’s covered in sawdust and nuts
and bolts.

JESSE
Fuck me!!! Do you think they
intentionally pick a random piece
of furniture to make totally
unbuildable, just to fuck with
you??!

CELESTE
Thank you!

JESSE
Wait. I got it.

TIME CUT TO:

23 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE- 30 MORE MINUTES LATER 23

We see Jesse and Celeste admire their “dresser” as they drink
wine.

CELESTE
Perfect.

JESSE
Fucking lay-up.

We reveal that they are looking at a small, mangled, Swedish
robot constructed from the nuts and bolts and wood panelling
that should have been the dresser. They both slide to the
floor in satisfaction. They look at their “artwork.” They
laugh; they are pretty drunk.

CELESTE
Ruscha meets Basquiat…

JESSE
…meets Serra meets Corky from
“Life Goes On.”

CELESTE
Yeah. He’s a vegan, you know.

JESSE
Cherish. That is so cute.

They share a laugh.
31.

CELESTE
You’re cute.

Celeste looks at him. She kisses him. He kisses back. It gets
hotter. They fall back.

FADE TO:

24 INT. CELESTE’S BEDROOM – THE NEXT MORNING 24

Celeste and Jesse are in bed. Celeste is asleep. Jesse wakes
up and gently kisses Celeste all over her face. This wakes
her up. She is hungover and confused.

CELESTE
Hey. What are you doing?

JESSE
I love you.

Celeste does not respond. She pops up out of bed.

CELESTE
Okay…

JESSE
We should talk about this.

CELESTE
Yeah. Whoa, we were drunk. What a
bad idea. I’m sorry.

JESSE
Don’t be sorry. It was nice. And I
love you.

CELESTE
Oh Jess, I don’t…come on, we were
drunk, and the dresser and I
thought…you’re dating other
people!

JESSE
Only to…god, I’m so stupid.

He realizes how pathetic it sounds.

CELESTE
Oh no, I thought…

JESSE
You thought what?
32.

CELESTE
Well, clearly I wasn’t thinking. Or
I wouldn’t have let it happen. Come
on Jess, we’re not getting back
together, you didn’t think…

Celeste realizes he did think…Jesse is crushed. He gets up
and leaves. He turns.

JESSE
You know, there’s a guy that you
can call, from Ikea, that will
build you’re dresser. You should
call him. Hell, he’ll probably fuck
you too. I’m a fucking idiot.

CELESTE
Jess! No, I didn’t..Jess!

Celeste collapses back in the bed.

25 INT. EQUINOX GYM-MORNING 25

A bunch of Los Angeles hipsters file out of a yoga class.
Everyone is sweaty and a little out of it. Celeste heads out
as she towels off. She heads towards the shoe cubby holes.

PAUL
Hello.

CELESTE
What?

PAUL
I said hello.

CELESTE
Oh. Hi.

Celeste keeps walking briskly. PAUL, 35, short but handsome,
tries to keep up with her.

PAUL
(a little too loud) How was your
practice?

CELESTE
My practice?? It was…wait,
what?…it was fine. (who is this
guy?)
33.

PAUL
I see you in class a lot. You have
a great warrior two. Are you
single?

Celeste puts on her shoes.

CELESTE
Are you really doing this right
now? You’re really doing this right
now.

Paul realizes that his game is wack. Oh well.

PAUL
Yeah, I can’t believe it either. I
don’t do this, it’s just happening,
I can’t stop…it…what do you do?

CELESTE
Just gonna jump right in there.
Wow, Captain Conversation.

PAUL
Paul. Here’s my card.

CELESTE
You bring cards to yoga??

PAUL
Look, you’re really pretty. I’m not
good at this. Help.

He smiles nervously.

CELESTE
(she looks at the card.) A
financial analyst. Cool.

PAUL
Not really. It’s not cool. Did
you ever tell me what you did for a
living?

CELESTE
No, no I didn’t.

There is a pause in conversation. Celeste continues to put
her shoes on.

PAUL
Well, will you? I’d love to know.
34.

CELESTE
I’m a trend forecaster. I forecast
trends.

Paul scoffs at the notion that this is a real career.

PAUL
Trend forecaster. Really? Huh.

They have reached the parking lot. Celeste turns to him with
purpose.

CELESTE
You traded in your Porsche for an
Audi because the economy is tanking
and you’re afraid you’ll lose your
job soon. You bought a Samsung cell
phone because you think it makes
you seem more “business-oriented,”
unlike the iPhone which is for
teenage girls. You go to yoga
because you went to a sub Ivy
League college, spent the last ten
years working long weeks and
drinking all weekend and you feel
like it’s time to do something
“spiritual.” Nice to meet you,
(looks at the card) Paul.

Celeste walks away. Paul remains where he is, flummoxed.

26 EXT. CELESTE’S GARDEN-LATER 26

Celeste enters through her side gate. She has some Chinese
takeout in her hand. She heads for the studio. She sees that
Jesse is not there. Neither is any of his shit. It’s
completely empty and sterile now. He’s gone.

27 EXT. TAXI-LATER THAT NIGHT 27

Celeste is about to go on the road for work. She is on the
phone.

CELESTE
No, just make sure the San Fran
focus group has a little more
diversity than last time. It was
like a rave. Without drugs. Okay.

She hangs up and pauses. Then dials again.
35.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Hey, Jess, it’s me. I’m getting on
a plane but I’d really like to talk
to you. I don’t know what happened
last night. Hope you’re okay. Call
me.

CUT TO:

28 INT. BOSTON FOUR SEASONS HOTEL LOBBY RESTAURANT-DAY 28

We see Celeste having lunch with a group of eight teenagers.
She asks questions, they share laughs, she engages with them.
She is good at this. She excuses herself to make a phone
call.

CUT TO:

29 INT. SAN FRANCISCO W HOTEL ROOM-NIGHT 29

Celeste watches CNN alone. She dials Jesse. It rings.

CUT TO:

30 INT. DOWNTOWN L.A. DINER-LATE AFTERNOON 30

Jesse is mid-laugh and looks at his phone to see Celeste is
calling. He presses “Ignore.” We see that he is sitting with
a women. We reveal that it is: Veronica.

VERONICA
I’m glad you called.

Jesse smiles big.

CUT TO:

31 INT. SAN FRANCISCO W HOTEL ROOM-NIGHT 31

CELESTE
Hey. It’s me. Again. I miss you.
Anyway, call me. Okay. Bye.

She hangs up, takes a breath and then, to herself:

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I love you. I’m so sorry. I’ve
always loved you.

She chuckles.
36.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Of course. Stupid.

32 EXT. STREET – WEST HOLLYWOOD-DAY 32

Jesse is walking.

JESSE
(on the phone) Hey. You’re back. I
want to talk to you.

33 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-SUNDOWN 33

Celeste is in her home office, working on the Riley account.

CELESTE
Yeah, I want to talk to you too.
Where have you been?? It’s been
like two weeks. So much to lay
down…like, did you know that pay-
per-view porn is available in
Cantonese?

34 EXT. STREET-WEST HOLLYWOOD-SUNDOWN 34

JESSE
Really? Like subtitles or dubbed?
Wait, actually, I’m really close to
your house right now. Can I come
by for a minute? It’s….important.

CUT TO:

35 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-NIGHT 35

Celeste puts away groceries.

JESSE
Okay. I have to tell you something.

CELESTE
Me too. Wait, you first. Are you
gay?

JESSE
No, not gay.

He takes a really deep breath.
37.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Um, you’re not gonna believe this
but…

CELESTE
(playfully) Oh no, did you go on
another date?

JESSE
I’m having a baby.

CELESTE
I don’t understand.

JESSE
I’m having a baby.

Celeste is still busy, putting away groceries. She is half-
listening.

CELESTE
What do you mean?

JESSE
I am having a baby.

Celeste opens the pantry and puts away cereal.

CELESTE
With another person?

JESSE
Yes. With another person.

Celeste takes out cold cuts from the bag and opens the
fridge.

CELESTE
Um. What? Sorry, I’m confused.
Wait, what? What the fuck? With
whom?

JESSE
With Veronica.

CELESTE
Veronica?? What’s a Veronica?

JESSE
You actually met her. That day at
the book store.
38.

CELESTE
Huh. But that’s not even
physically possible, that was two
weeks ago.

JESSE
Well, the truth is, I slept with
Veronica three months ago. It was
just a one night thing. But she’s
pregnant.

Celeste rearranges the fruit bowl.

CELESTE
Whoa. Okay. Shit. Didn’t know about
that. But that’s not important
right now. This is not good.
Alright. Okay. You and I are gonna
deal with this. We will, we’ll just
have to. What do you need me to do?

JESSE
No, you don’t have to do anything.

CELESTE
But you don’t even know this
person, right?

JESSE
Yeah I know her. I mean, I’m
getting to know her. And I really
want to make it work with her.

CELESTE
Make it work?? You slept with her
once! What are you talking about?

JESSE
I’ve actually been seeing her,
well, a lot, recently. And I think
I really like her.

CELESTE
So what you’re saying is you got a
girl pregnant and now you think you
like her because she’s pregnant?
Or…I’m really confused.

JESSE
The universe is fucking weird,
Celeste. I slept with her months
ago and never called her after.
(MORE)
39.

JESSE (CONTD)
But we started hanging recently and
she told me she was pregnant with
my child. I know it’s crazy, but
it just feels…right. It was like
this really weird retroactive gift.
I don’t know…

CELESTE
Can you excuse me for a second?

Celeste gets up and walks slowly to the bathroom. She gently
shuts the door. She looks around, not knowing what to do with
herself. She focuses on a crack in the wall, she looks closer
and then grabs the wall, thinking she might faint. She
silently begins to sob, mouth open, eyes shut tight. She
collapses on the wall. She is in silent turmoil. Is this
really happening?

CUT TO:

36 INT. CELESTE’S LIVING ROOM- A MOMENT LATER 36

Jesse is sitting, waiting. He checks his cell phone. He hears
the toilet flush. A moment goes by. Celeste re-enters,
having pulled it together. But her face is still wet with
tears.

CELESTE
Sorry about that. I had something
in my eye.

JESSE
Right. Look, I know this is so
sudden. And so weird. I’ve been
holding on to us, this idea of us,
for so long. And I know you’ve
wanted me to let go. So I’m sorry.
You were right, we’re friends. We
will always be friends. And I need
that now.

CELESTE
Of course.

JESSE
Thank you. Love you.

Jesse gives Celeste a big, long hug.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Wait, you had something to tell me
too. Sorry…
40.

Celeste takes a beat.

CELESTE
It was nothing.

She forces a smile.

37 INT. CELESTE’S OFFICE-DAY 37

Celeste is on the computer. She drinks coffee. Scott peeks
in.

SCOTT
Hello?

CELESTE
Hey.

Celeste lets out a guffaw.

SCOTT
What are you doing?

CELESTE
I’m just following Diddy Twitty.

SCOTT
I don’t…know what that means.

CELESTE
It’s Sean Comb’s Twitter page.
There’s also a singing competition
on television. It’s called American
Idol? Keep up.

SCOTT
Okay saucy. You don’t have to be so
saucy.

CELESTE
Well, just part of our job,
so…ready for breaking news? Jesse
is having a baby with some girl.
Crazy.

SCOTT
Whoa. Wow. Did you even know he was
seeing someone?

CELESTE
It’s this girl he slept with once a
couple of months ago.
(MORE)
41.

CELESTE (CONTD)
And now he’s “making it work” with
her. Plane crash.

SCOTT
I don’t know what to say. I am so
sorry, Celeste.

CELESTE
No need, Scott, I’m totally fine.

SCOTT
Are you?

CELESTE
Look, I wasn’t going to have his
baby. So, good for him.

SCOTT
Well, it’s great that you’re so
resolved about this but it’s also
okay for you to have feelings. It’s
very sudden.

Celeste pauses to consider this.

CELESTE
Right. Well, let me see…mmmm,
nope, I’m fine. I promise. Not in
love with him anymore. It kind of
makes it easier.

Scott is not convinced. Celeste is still distracted by the
computer.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Oh my god, Diddy’s snowboarding for
the first time in Mammoth! Amazing.
I actually have a date tonight.

SCOTT
Um…that’s great. Who’s the guy?

CELESTE
The yahoo who did Pop Form’s taxes
last quarter. He’s been asking me
out forever. Not the one, but it’ll
be nice to be admired.

SCOTT
I agree, go be admired. Who knows,
you may actually even simulate
human emotion.
42.

38 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-EARLY EVENING 38

Celeste, in workout clothes, is cleaning up her house
maniacally. She is walking past her office. The Ikea robot
she built with Jesse catches her attention for a moment. She
keeps walking.

39 INT. MADEO’S RESTAURANT-NIGHT 39

Celeste and MAX, 38, handsome and clean cut, are sitting at
dinner. They have just ordered.

CELESTE
Thank you.

She hands the menu back to the waiter.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
My foot actually pronates. And my
I.T. band is strained when I run,
which really hurts. So Dr. Ozar
recommended a foot specialist who
made these customized orthotics for
me and it’s amazing how much better
I feel.

MAX
Well, actually I…

Suddenly, Celeste catches a glimpse of Jesse, sitting at the
bar, by himself, watching tv. She is not prepared for this.

CELESTE
OH MY GOD. My ex is here. Oh god,
oh no, we just made eye contact.
Maybe he didn’t see me. Wait, he
did. He’s coming over. Oh god,
this is so awkward.(to Max) You
should probably leave.

MAX
Wait, what? I don’t think…really?

CELESTE
Yeah, just go.

Jesse is at the table.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Too late. Here he is, heyyyy.

JESSE
I just wanted to say hi. I’m Jesse.
43.

CELESTE
Oh, this is Matt.

MAX
Max.

CELESTE
Mack.

MAX
Max.

JESSE
Nice to meet you, Max.

CELESTE
We’re just here. Just eating. It’s
a date. I’m dating.

JESSE
Cool. The puttanesca special is the
thing to get.

MAX
Good to know. I ordered that.

A moment of awkward silences passes.

CELESTE
Who are you here with?

JESSE
Oh, just here alone. Watching the
Lakers.

MAX
Kobe-LeBron tonight, right?

JESSE
Yes. Epic.

MAX
So psyched I tivo’ed it.

JESSE
Nice to meet you, man. Good to see
you, C.

MAX CELESTE
You too. You too.

MAX
He’s cool.
44.

CELESTE
Uh huh.

Celeste immediately scarfs down her salad which has just
arrived. She’s quiet.

MAX
How was that? Are you okay?

CELESTE
I’m fine!

Celeste stares at Jesse at the bar.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
He always loved the meatballs here.

MAX
What?

CELESTE
Nothing. Do you like bread?

MAX
Bread? Um, yeah, I like bread.

CELESTE
Cool, cool.

Silence, once again.

CUT TO:

40 EXT. MADEO’S RESTAURANT-NIGHT 40

Celeste and Max wait for their cars at the valet stand. Max’s
car arrives. He pays the valet.

CELESTE
This was great! I’m free next
Wednesday? Sushi?

MAX
Um, I don’t think we should.

CELESTE
Oh, because of mercury poisoning? I
think that’s a myth. I go to this
acupuncturist that…
45.

MAX
No, I think you may need some time.
To get over, you know, your
divorce. It took me a long time to
start dating after mine.

CELESTE
Thank you for your concern but I’m
just fine. I guess you’re just not
a match for me.

MAX
Well, have a good night. Good luck.

Max gets in his car and is gone. Celeste stands there,
confused and alone. She shakes him off.

CELESTE
(sotto) Whatever.

41 EXT. LA CIENEGA BLVD. 41

Celeste is running…hard. It is a cacophony of street sounds
around her: traffic, honking, speeding, Celeste listens to
the Dirty Projectors “Stillness is the Move” on her iPod and
joyfully runs across the street.

42 EXT. H.D. BUTTERCUP- CULVER CITY-A COUPLE WEEKS LATER 42

Celeste arrives to meet Beth. She is in full marathon gear.
She waves at Beth and enters, panting.

CELESTE
Hi honey!

BETH
Hi, wow, you are really out of
breath. Did you fucking run here??
From West Hollywood??

CELESTE
Yeah I ran. Just started. It’s
really fun.

BETH
You’re soaking wet. Isn’t that like
12 miles??

CELESTE
13.5 actually. I was just clearing
my head, you know, keeping the
endorphins up.
46.

Celeste pants like she’s about to collapse. She doubles over
with her hands on her knees. She’s in pain.

BETH
Do you…want to sit down?

CELESTE
Oh, okay! Wow, is this it? It’s so
nice.

Celeste flops on the couch full prostrate. A saleswoman
approaches.

SALESWOMAN
I’m so sorry but that’s a one-of-a-
kind piece that was handwoven by a
tribe of Afghani women. So if you
could maybe just sit over there?

The saleswoman points to a metal industrial, uncomfortable
looking chair.

CELESTE
Right. Sorry. Totally.

BETH
Wow, you are a sweat tsunami.

CELESTE
You should get it. It’s really
pretty.

Celeste gets up and there is an outline of Celeste’s entire
body in sunblock and sweat. They look at the wreckage.

BETH
Uh boy.

CELESTE
Don’t worry. I know people who can
get that out. Easily.

BETH
Okay. I guess I’m getting it.

43 INT. H.D. BUTTERCUP-SALES COUNTER-DAY 43

The saleswoman is ringing Beth up for the couch. It is
basically ruined.

CELESTE
The Riley account is a handful.
I’ve been sooooo swamped.
47.

BETH
It’s great you’re staying busy…

CELESTE
(about the couch) If it doesn’t
come out, I can have it
reupholstered.

BETH
Thanks. How’s dating?

SALESWOMAN
Sorry, can I get your card?

BETH
Here you go.

CELESTE
Great. Dating’s really great.

BETH
Have you talked to Jesse?

CELESTE
No, but I actually ran into him
last night. I think he’s getting a
little fat.

BETH
I think he’s been looking pretty
fit lately. (to the saleswoman) Can
I get a rush delivery on that?

CELESTE
So you’ve seen Jesse?

BETH
…Yeah, I have.

CELESTE
Huh. Have you hung out with…

BETH
Veronica?

CELESTE
Yeah.

BETH
Yes. I have.

Silence.
48.

SALESWOMAN
So, my first available delivery is
Monday afternoon. Does that work
for you?

BETH
Yeah, that’s fine. If you can you
just call my cell…

CELESTE
She’s dumb, right?

BETH
Huh? Oh no, not dumb. Simple.

CELESTE
Simple means dumb.

BETH
No, actually, simple in a really
elegant way.

CELESTE
Elegant??

The saleswoman senses awkwardness.

SALESWOMAN
Okay, so you’re all set then.

CELESTE
Elegant??

BETH
Thanks a lot. (to Celeste)

They head for the exit.

BETH (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I thought you would be happy for
him.

CELESTE
I am, I just didn’t realize that
Monica was “elegant.”

BETH
Veronica. And you know what? You
would probably really like her.

Beth studies Celeste for a moment.
49.

BETH (CONT’D) (CONTD)
You’re not having regrets about
Jesse?

CELESTE
Not one.

BETH
Please let me drive you home. I’m
afraid you’ll drown.

CELESTE
Sure. I have a date tonight so I
should probably shower before then.

Beth looks at a sopping Celeste.

BETH
Yes. Shower. Who’s the date?

CELESTE
Rupert Bates.

BETH
Rupert Bates? The Gap model?? Oh my
god, he’s so hot but he’s like 15.

CELESTE
22. Skillz set me up. He’s about
to be a huge star. He’s filming
“20,000 B.C.?” It’s the prequel to
“10,000 B.C.”

BETH
Fuck, I LOVED that movie.

SALESWOMAN
I loved that movie too! It really
spoke to me.

44 INT. MULLHOLLAND DRIVE MODERN HOUSE-NEXT NIGHT 44

RUPERT BATES, 22, very handsome, British, wearing a leather
jacket, sporting tousled actor hair is playing a hideously
earnest original song on the guitar. He sings with passion.
He looks up at Celeste and winks.

CUT TO:

Celeste,on the couch, looking slightly mortified. She smiles
tepidly at him.
50.

Rupert finishes the song, closes his eyes and hangs his head.
A beat of silence. Celeste musters up a short and slow round
of applause.

CELESTE
That was so…good.

RUPERT
I wrote that for my mum.

CELESTE
Lucky lady. So how do you know
Skillz?

RUPERT
He provides me with the happy smoky
green treats.

CELESTE
(sotto) Ew.

Celeste cringes. What a dork. Rupert slides next to Celeste
and is all of a sudden right in her face. He touches her
hair. He kisses her, deeply. He pulls away and takes her in.

RUPERT
Hello, Special One.

CELESTE
Oh…hi. Oh god. (whispers) Oh no,
no, no I gotta go.

45 INT. POP FORM OFFICES-NEXT DAY-AFTERNOON 45

People file out of the conference room. Celeste walks down
the hall quickly to the bathroom.

46 INT. POP FORM BATHROOM 46

Celeste enters a stall. Then, she hears two girls enter the
bathroom. RILEY, 19 and SAVANNAH, 22, are chatting and
primping. Celeste goes quiet and listens.

RILEY
Ugh. My hair is so dry. It looks
like straw.

Savannah quickly pops a pill. Then offers one to Riley.

SAVANNAH
Here. Do you want an Adderall?
51.

RILEY
No, that shit makes me feel like a
robot. Speaking of robot, who the
hell designed this place? It’s
like Spock and his eyebrows are
about to walk around the corner.

Celeste takes this opportunity to flush and come out of the
stall.

CELESTE
Hi Riley, I’m Celeste, I’m a
partner at Pop Form.

RILEY
Hey. Wow, you’re pretty.

Riley looks closer at her skin and picks at it.

RILEY (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Why am I breaking out?

SAVANNAH
Too much sugar? Coffee? Alcohol?

RILEY
Ugh, maybe it’s my skin regime.

CELESTE
Um…it’s actually regimen?

RILEY
Sorry?

CELESTE
Regime is a system of government.
It’s a “skin regimen.”

Riley and Savannah glare at Celeste.

RILEY
Thanks, Scrabble. Nice to meet you.

They leave.

CELESTE
Charming.

CUT TO:
52.

47 INT. POP FORM CONFERENCE ROOM-AN HOUR LATER 47

The Riley Banks branding strategy meeting is under way.
Slides are being shown, Scott is giving a presentation on
design ideas. Celeste is distracted and on her Blackberry.
We see an INSERT of Celeste’s Blackberry on Dictionary.com,
looking up “regime: a mode or system of rule or government.”

SCOTT
Celeste has some ideas for the logo
which are looking really great.

He looks to Celeste who is not paying attention. She is busy
learning that she was right and Riley was wrong. Celeste
looks up and shoots a patronizing smile at Riley. Riley
catches her and looks away uncomfortably.

SCOTT (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Celeste? Do you wanna…

CELESTE
Right. Yes. Sorry. So we are going
for an industrial feel with the
artwork…

48 INT. CELESTE’S OFFICE-AN HOUR LATER 48

Scott enters.

SCOTT
Hello, Special One.

CELESTE
Uh, you got my IM.

SCOTT
Sounds so awful.

CELESTE
Where are the guys who don’t wear
makeup for a living? And maybe a
little intellect? A little
intellect wouldn’t hurt anybody.

Scott has an idea.

SCOTT
Wait, wait. You’ve never met Nick,
right? Nick Moran?

CELESTE
The photographer? You know him?
53.

SCOTT
Yeah, we went to school together.
This could be perfect.

CELESTE
(she sings, like she’s in a
musical) I’m uncomfortable with
daaaaaating. I don’t like any of
iiiiiit.

SCOTT
(he sings back) Trust meeeee. You
will liiiiike hiiiim. Also, I love
cooo-ooock.

CELESTE
You really got to try a little
harder to integrate the gayness,
Scott.

49 EXT. CHATEAU MARMONT BALCONY- NIGHT 49

Celeste sits on the balcony with Nick Moran. He has Indy
rocker hair and a Los Feliz beard. He’s hip and smart in an
effortless way. Celeste is feeling him. They drink wine and
laugh.

CELESTE
So you pissed in your pants?

NICK
I waited seven hours. Three of them
soaking in my own pee. But I
finally got the shot of
Ahmadinejad.

He hands her a photograph.

CELESTE
Wow. That is incredible. I think
he’s smiling, maybe.

NICK
He is. I think the piss stain
running down my jeans made him
laugh.

CELESTE
Well, the world will think you’re
brilliant. No one will ever know
but me.
54.

NICK
I was nominated for a Pulitzer. I
didn’t win.

CELESTE
Well, the guy who won shit his
pants, so…

They laugh. They are connecting.

NICK
(looking at his watch) Oh my god,
we missed our reservation. It was
at 8:30. Should I call down and see
if they can still take us?

CELESTE
How about room service?

NICK
Perfect.

50 INT. CHATEAU MARMONT-LIVING ROOM- LATER 50

Nick and Celeste are kissing. It’s passionate but tender.
They stop and their foreheads rest against each other’s and
they take a deep breath. They speak in hushed tones.

CELESTE
That was really, really nice.

NICK
Um, yeah. So, what are you doing
for the rest of your life?

CELESTE
Making out with you.

They start to kiss again.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I don’t remember it ever feeling
like this.

They continue to kiss. Celeste notices that she and the couch
are vibrating. She looks down. Oh no. Nick is masturbating.
Can he really be masturbating?

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
(whisper)What are you doing?
55.

NICK
(whisper)What do you think
I’m doing?

CELESTE
(whisper) Why are you doing that?
Don’t do that..It was going so
well.

NICK
Shhhhh.

Celeste pulls away slowly, shaking her head, “no.” Nick keeps
going. Eyes closed.

NICK (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Watch me. I’m almost there.

Celeste cannot believe what she is watching.

CELESTE
Almost where?? No!

Celeste quickly grabs her stuff and gets the hell out of
dodge.

NICK
Ah, ah, ahhhhhhhhh!

Nick recovers from his climax and looks around to realize
she’s gone.

NICK (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Celeste?

51 EXT. SANTA MONICA BEACH-NEXT MORNING 51

Celeste runs really hard, listening to her Sunny Levine’s
“Glass Jaw” on her iPhone. She stops suddenly. She sees
Jesse’s number, she hits “Ignore.” She starts running again
with purpose.

52 EXT. ELYSIAN WAY ECHO PARK- NEXT DAY 52

Celeste drives and listen to her phone on bluetooth.

JESSE V.O.
Hey, so, I’m glad you can meet up.
4pm is good. There’s this little
place by me, Vegan Vittles on
Elysian Way, kinda hard to find,
call me if you get lost.
56.

CELESTE
Vegan Vittles.

CUT TO:

53 INT. VEGAN VITTLES-MINUTES LATER 53

Celeste enters and sees Jesse sitting at a table in a small,
folksy restaurant. Celeste is on the phone. She waves at
Jesse and gestures “one second.”

CELESTE
No, I don’t want to do a video
chat. Yeah. Just tell her she needs
to get to L.A. tomorrow. Okay. (she
hangs up, now on the Blackberry)
Sorry, one second, I just have to
send this e-mail.

Jesse sits there and wait for several seconds for her to
finish her e-mail.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
There. Hi.

JESSE
Hi. What’s up?

CELESTE
A lot. (to waitress) Can I get some
coffee?

WAITRESS
We have yerba matte?

CELESTE
Um, green tea?

WAITRESS
We have decaf green tea.

CELESTE
Water’s fine.

WAITRESS
K. Anything for you?

JESSE
I’ll get the veganchilada with the
cashew cheese sauce on the side. Oh
can I look at the seaweed menu?

She hands him a tiny piece of recycled paper.
57.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Oh. Awesome. You do have the Baltic
kelp today. I’ll get that. Thanks.

CELESTE
Wow.

JESSE
How are you? You look great.

CELESTE
Thanks.

She notices his feet.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Are you wearing…dress shoes?

JESSE
Oh yeah, they’re vegan.

Celeste could throw up.

CELESTE
You look good too.

JESSE
A lot of pilates.

CELESTE
Huh, I didn’t know you did pilates.

JESSE
Yeah, well, Veronica’s a dancer and
has equipment at our house, so…

There is an uncomfortable beat.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
How’s work?

CELESTE
Um…work is great.

JESSE
Good.

CELESTE
My book is getting great reviews.
Riley Banks is a new client which
is huge. Things are going really
well.
58.

JESSE
Great.

Long silence.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Listen, I know this has all been
pretty weird.

CELESTE
It’s only weird if you think it’s
weird.

JESSE
Celeste, I never wanted to hurt
you.

CELESTE
Thank you. You didn’t. Glad we
cleared that up.

JESSE
Look, I actually wanted to see you
because…apparently there’s some
kind of hold up on your side with
the divorce papers and Veronica’s
actually not a citizen so..

CELESTE
What? Where’s she from?

JESSE
Uh, Belgium.

CELESTE
(sotto) Huh. Belgium. Elegant.

JESSE
What?

CELESTE
Nothing.

JESSE
Point is, we need to…get married.
I’m sorry. I really need you to
sign those papers.

CELESTE
Well, Jesse, I’ve been busy with
work. Because some people work for
a living. So I haven’t really been
focused on what I can do to help
you get on with your new life.
59.

JESSE
I’m sorry. I know.

CELESTE
What makes you think you are even
suitable to be a dad?? You don’t
even know how to read the electric
bill. How are you going to support
yourself? Have you even thought
this through?

JESSE
I guess I’ll have to figure it out.
Veronica is really supportive of my
work.

CELESTE
Really? Really Jesse? I paid the
rent for ten years. If that’s not
supportive, I don’t know what is.

JESSE
That’s true. And thank you.

There is a long pause.

CELESTE
We never even talked about kids.

JESSE
You had reservations about having
kids.

CELESTE
I had reservations about having
kids with YOU.

JESSE
Well, ditto. I think Veronica will
be a really good mother.

CELESTE
Low blow.

Celeste gets up from the table. She collects her things.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I’ll sign the fucking papers. I
don’t have time for this. You’re
ridiculous, this place is
ridiculous. Fucking vegan kelp
cashew bullshit. What the fuck is
this place anyway.
(MORE)
60.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
(she addresses the restaurant) Do
any of you have jobs?? Anyone? What
do you do? Wait, let me guess. You
grow pot.

Celeste looks at an innocent bespectacled patron.

RESTAURANT GUY
Um, yeah. I do.

CELESTE
Exactly. Get a real job.

Celeste exits.

54 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE HALLWAY-NIGHT 54

Celeste is in her robe about to get in the bath. She walks to
the kitchen to grab a tea and walks by her office. The Ikea
Robot catches her eye. She stops and enters the office.

CUT TO:

55 INT. CELESTE’S OFFICE-A MOMENT LATER 55

Celeste stares at the robot. It stares back. She hates it.
She kicks it. That hurt. She violently, with all her might,
rips its head off. That felt good. She picks it up and starts
to thrash the robot torso all over the room as, slowly,
pieces of wood flail in every direction. She’s angry and out
of control. She stops to catch her breath and sees what she
has just done. She falls to the ground in tears.

56 EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS HOME-NIGHT 56

Celeste and Beth enter and survey the scene. Beth is dressed
like a little boy with a short brown wig, sunglasses and
sneakers. Celeste is in a white trash bag with a belt.

CELESTE
Jesse’s a fucking vegan??

BETH
A vegan who’s soon to have his work
shown. At the Gagosian.

CELESTE
The Gagosian?? You’re kidding.
What, the fucking clothespin thing?
When??
(MORE)
61.

CELESTE (CONTD)
Don’t tell me actually…how did
anybody even know about his art, he
doesn’t…I don’t actually want to
know…god, he’s on fire right now.
Breaking up with me was the best
thing that ever happened to Jesse.
I should break up with me.

BETH
Now, now. Someone else’s success
is not your demise, C.

CELESTE
Shut up. Unless it’s Jesse’s. Who
are dressed as again?

BETH
Beiber.

CELESTE
Ooh, he just got a buzzcut.

BETH
Really? Fuck. When??

CELESTE
A couple hours ago. It was on
Perez.

BETH
That’s so sad. His hair was
everything.

CELESTE
I need to fucking drink.

Two large dudes, one dressed as Peter Pan, the other as Snow
White walk by.

PETER PAN
We’re doing Car Bombs in the
kitchen. Wanna come?

BETH
Noooo.

CELESTE
YES.

CUT TO:
62.

57 INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS HOME KITCHEN-NIGHT 57

Celeste is drilling Car Bombs with 5 guys. She’s keeping
pace.

SNOW WHITE
What are you?

CELESTE
What? Oh, White trash.

Snow White is silent. Celeste points to her trash bag.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
White trash?

SNOW WHITE
(doesn’t get it) Huh.

Paul (from yoga) enters to grab some ice from the freezer. He
is wearing a black shirt covered in mini cereal boxes with
plastic knives through them. Celeste is mid-Car Bomb and
wasted.

PAUL
Celeste?

CELESTE
Yoga?

PAUL
Yeah, I haven’t seen you there for
a while.

CELESTE
I’ve been running a lot. Keeps you
in better shape.

PAUL
I can see that’s important to you.
(referring to the Car Bomb in her
FACE)

Celeste is now drunk.

CELESTE
How’s your practice? (waving her
finger in his face, laughing)

PAUL
White trash?

CELESTE
Uh huh. What are you?
63.

PAUL
Um, a cereal killer, obviously.

CELESTE
You’re “punny.”

PAUL
By the way, you were right.

CELESTE
About what?

PAUL
About me. All of it, the car, the
phone, the yoga. Except that I did
go to an Ivy League school.
Cornell.

CELESTE
Barely an Ivy.

PAUL
I know.

CELESTE
Do you smoke?

PAUL
At parties.

CELESTE
Me too. Let’s go.

58 EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS HOME BACKYARD-NIGHT 58

Celeste and Paul sit away from the party, smoking cigarettes.

PAUL
(Playful) Sorry about that day at
the gym. I feel really open after
yoga…

CELESTE
Shhhh. Don’t say open. Your
costume’s great. Don’t ruin it.

PAUL
I’m kidding. I only go to yoga to
meet girls. Speaking of, what’s the
deal with you and me? Is this
happening? Or…
64.

CELESTE
My husband of six years wants a
divorce so he can marry the woman
who’s carrying his child. That’s
the deal with you and me.

PAUL
I’m sorry, that sounds tough.

CELESTE
He’s having a baby with a girl he
barely knows. He’s so lost. He’s
just going about it all…wrong.

PAUL
And you’re right. Now what?

CELESTE
What do you mean?

PAUL
Well do you want to be right or do
you want to be happy?

CELESTE
Listen, Yoga, I don’t WANT to be
right, I AM right. People will let
you down. I’ve accepted that fact,
but unfortunately, most of the
time, knowing that does keep you
from being happy. But at least
it’s real.

PAUL
No one has ever given a more self-
righteous monologue wearing only a
trash bag. Except for maybe the
homeless guy outside my dry
cleaners.

Beth and Tucker approach Celeste and Paul.

BETH
Time to go, drunky.

They head off.

PAUL
(yells to Celeste) Call me!
65.

59 INT. CELESTE’S HOME OFFICE-DAY (SUNDAY) 59

Celeste is going through papers on her desk. She’s cleaning
house. She sees the envelope from the divorce lawyer. She
quickly tosses it aside. Then she comes across one of Jesse’s
old notebooks. She flips through it. She reads a couple of
sweet passages about her, it makes her smile. She grabs the
phone.

CELESTE
Hey, it’s Celeste. You know, I
still have a bunch of your stuff in
the office. You should probably
grab it at some point. Okay.

She hangs up. She makes a decision. She grabs a box and
starts throwing everything and anything in it that belongs to
Jesse.

60 EXT. JESSE AND VERONICA’S HOUSE-ECHO PARK-DUSK 60

Celeste carries a box of Jesse’s stuff to his front door.
She doesn’t knock. She leaves the box by the door. But she
decides to keep the one journal with the sweet passages for
herself; she deserves it and he’ll never know. She starts to
walk away when she notices, it’s trash day.

CUT TO:

61 INT. VERONICA’S VOLKSWAGON BEETLE-DUSK 61

Jesse drives and Veronica is in the passenger seat. They are
quiet and content. They look at each other and smile. After a
BEAT:

VERONICA
You’re going to be a really good
dad.

JESSE
What? Why did you say that?

Veronica studies Jesse’s face.

VERONICA
I don’t know, I just know it.

JESSE
No one’s ever said that to me.

CUT TO:
66.

62 EXT. JESSE AND VERONICA’S DRIVEWAY-A MOMENT LATER 62

Three trash cans-green, brown, and blue-are lined up in the
driveway. A huge box is protruding from the blue can.
Celeste considers. So much to be learned from the trash. She
slowly walks over. She peeks in at the box; it has a big
picture of a fancy stroller on the side of it. Crushing.

CELESTE
At least they recycle.

63 INT. VERONICA’S VOLKSWAGON BEETLE-A MOMENT LATER 63

Veronica looks out the window.

JESSE
This is…so weird but I just
realized…what’s your middle name?
I don’t even know it.

They laugh a little.

VERONICA
It’s um…Godelieve.

JESSE
Goldleaf?

VERONICA
No, Goldelieve. It means loved by
the Gods. It’s Dutch.

JESSE
Sweet. Mine’s Mordechai.

VERONICA
What does it mean?

JESSE
Means I’m really Jewish.

Veronica giggles. They’re getting to know each other. It’s
awkward…but sweet.

CUT TO:

64 EXT. JESSE AND VERONICA’S SIDEWALK-ANOTHER MOMENT LATER 64

Celeste is still digging in the trash. She looks further
down.
67.

CELESTE
Guitar Hero?? That’s quite an
extravagant purchase for a
freelance writer and his “elegant”
Belgian bride.

All of a sudden, her diamond bracelet slips off her wrist and
plunks to the bottom.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Shit. Shit shit shit.

She drops Jesse’s journal to the concrete and crawls into the
trash can, still reaching for the bottom, not quite getting
there. The trash can falls over with her in it. Just then,
Jesse’s car pulls up and headlights shine on Celeste half-way
in the trash can. She fumbles and then:

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Ow!!! Shit!

A piece of glass from the can has sliced her face. She
immediately wiggles out of the trash can, stands it back up
again. She looks for a place to run. It’s too late. She picks
up the journal and hides behind the trash cans but Jesse and
Veronica have been watching her whole opera from the car.
Jesse approaches a crouching Celeste.

JESSE
Celeste?

Celeste stands up slowly as if nothing is wrong. She is also
holding Jesse’s journal close to her chest.

CELESTE
Hey!

JESSE
What…are you doing?

CELESTE
I just…

She looks around to make an excuse.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Um…came over to drop off some of
your stuff.

JESSE
But why were you in the trash can?

CELESTE
I lost something.
68.

JESSE
In the trash can?

CELESTE
My bracelet. It was a whole thing.
It’s over now.

Jesse and Veronica just stare at Celeste for a long beat.

JESSE
You’ve met Veronica, right?

CELESTE
Yes! Hi! Wow, you’re so pregnant,
right! I love your sweater.

VERONICA
Oh. Thanks! (beat) Are you
bleeding?

CELESTE
What? Oh (she touches her cheek),
yeah, I guess I am.

VERONICA
Let me get you something for that.

CELESTE
NO. No, don’t. It’s fine, just a
little cut.

VERONICA
Are you sure? I’m so sorry about
this.

CELESTE
No, I’m sorry. So sorry. Well, I’m
late for things. Have a good
afternight.

VERONICA
You sure you don’t want to come in
for a drink?

CELESTE
Nooooo, no. That’s very nice but
no. Great to see you guys! Okay.

She starts to walk away with the journal.

JESSE
Is that mine?
69.

CELESTE
Waht? Oh, yeah, that’s weird. I
don’t know how…here you go.

She laughs nervously and hands him his journal. Celeste
walks to her car.

65 INT. POP FORM-CELESTE’S OFFICE- NEXT DAY 65

Celeste listen to her work messages on speakerphone as she
Instant Messenger’s with Beth. Celeste writes “I went through
Jesse’s trash last night. Oh no.” Beth writes back, “I’m
coming to your office right now.”

PAUL (V.O.)
Hey. Celeste. It’s Paul. The cereal
killer? There’s this yoga retreat
in Tulum that I just got an e-mail
about…uh, that’s not why I’m
really calling. I just like you.
Call me back if you want to drink
some cold beer with me. 310 864-
2120.

66 EXT. POP FORM COURTYARD- 30 MINUTES LATER 66

Celeste and Beth eat lunch in the zen garden outside the Pop
Form building. Celeste is picking at the end of her sandwich,
recounting the waking nightmare of last night. The cut on her
face is neatly bandaged.

BETH
You told her you liked her sweater?
What are you, twelve?

CELESTE
It was a disaster. But you should
have seen the sweater. So great.
Beth, am I losing my mind?

BETH
Maybe. No. Please no more trash-
diving. Let’s focus on you now.

CELESTE
This guys Paul keeps calling me but
I don’t know…

BETH
C, you never know. Just go out with
him. It doesn’t have to be
perfect…
70.

CELESTE
I met him at the gym. I’m not
meeting my husband at the gym.

BETH
Just go. Nothing to lose.

CUT TO:

67 INT. PHO SIAM THAI MASSAGE-NIGHT 67

Celeste is lying in a quiet, dark room in thai fisherman
pants and a large t-shirt. She takes a deep breath.

CELESTE
So where do you live?

We reveal that she is lying next to Paul, they are both about
to get thai massages.

PAUL
Uh, I live in Westwood. In a condo.

CELESTE
Cool.

PAUL
You are gonna love this place.
You’ve never felt so relaxed in
your life.

Cherry and Lucky enter, the masseuses. They all exchange
quiet hellos and head nods. Cherry and Lucky get to work.
Lucky takes Celeste’s leg and pushes it all the way over her
head, not the most comfortable position.

CELESTE
Ahhhhh.(responding to the stretch)
Wow, this is a unique place to take
a date.

PAUL
Yeah, I take all my dates here.

CELESTE
I feel special.

PAUL
You are. They all are.

Celeste giggles. Paul takes a deep exhale as Cherry rams her
elbow into his shoulderblade.
71.

PAUL (CONT’D) (CONTD)
So how is being right about
everything going for you?

CELESTE
Not…that well. I’ve been on a
real winning streak, so I thought
I’d call you.

PAUL
You know what? I’m happy you did.

At that moment, CRACK! Lucky has Celeste in a bear hug and it
looks like she may have broken her back.

CELESTE
AHHHH! I don’t know what your
definition of relaxing is but…

PAUL
Just wait. Trust me, you need this
right now.

68 EXT. PHO SIAM-NIGHT 68

Celeste and Paul exit. He has a huge smile on his face. She
looks like she’s in pain.

CELESTE
Why would you take me to a place
where Asian people beat you up?
That was absolute torture.

PAUL
But how do you feel?

Celeste takes a beat to see how she feels.

CELESTE
I feel great, actually.

PAUL
So shut up then.

CELESTE
Where are we going now?

PAUL
Don’t try to control me. You need
to let go. In yoga, we call it
vairyaga.

He strikes a reverse triangle yoga pose in the parking lot.
72.

CELESTE
Oh my god, don’t, with the yoga.

CUT TO:

69 INT. DOWNTOWN CLUB-NIGHT 69

Celeste and Paul walk down stairs into an incredibly cool-
looking speak easy. Teddy Pendegrass’ “Love TKO” is playing
and people are dancing, actually dancing. No one is there to
be seen, there is no pretention.

CELESTE
This place is…really cool.

PAUL
You sound surprised.

CELESTE
I am, Westwood condo.

PAUL
I’ll get us beers.

Celeste takes in the atmosphere for a moment. She is happy to
be out. She takes her hair down, puts her hands through it,
trying to look a little better.

PAUL (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Hey!

Paul is on the dance floor, with two beers. Celeste meets
him, takes her beer, and downs a third of it. Celeste looks
up and Paul has started to dance. He looks at Celeste with
jocular seduction. He’s actually not a bad dancer. Maybe he’s
good? Okay, no, he’s great. Paul pulls Celeste in and they
dance together. She’s sort of embarrassed but she’s having
fun. Paul pulls away in a little spin and goes into a James
Brown splits move.

CELESTE
Ohh!!

Celeste is into it now. She dances around him, other people
watch them. Paul pulls Celeste in close. Celeste kisses Paul
quickly, to his surprise.

PAUL
What was that for?

CELESTE
Vairyaga, bro, let go. Not
everything has to have a reason.
73.

They smile at each other.

CUT TO:

ECU OF

Jesse, Skillz and Tucker with their arms up, cheering loudly.

70 EXT. FAIRFAX HIGH- CHEERLEADING PRACTICE-DUSK 70

Jesse, Skillz and Tucker are taking in a high school
cheerleading practice, drinking tall boys and smoking cigs.
Despite their ragtag appearance, do not be fooled…They are
very loyal and knowledgable supporters.

SKILLZ
Oooh…toe touch basket toss coming
up…degree of difficulty 9.
Gnarly…….nailed it! Way to go,
Becky!!!

Jesse is look at his iPhone. He is looking at “Veronica and
Jesse Baby Registry”

JESSE
What the fuck is a Baby Bjorn?

SKILLZ
It’s a very, very tiny Swedish man.

TUCKER
It’s a baby carrier that allows
your child to benefit from parental
intimacy without the confinement of
a stroller. Duh.

JESSE
Why do you know that.

TUCKER
Beth. We go to a lot of baby
showers.

SKILLZ
I put a lot of babies in the
ladies.

A parent of a cheerleader looks at trio with disgust. Jesse
is still going through the registry list.
74.

JESSE
Birthing towels, breast pump,
Diaper genie? Fuck, I’m definitely
having a baby. (beat) How’s
Celeste?

SKILLZ
She’s…oh-kay. I’m fine-tuning her
cannibus levels right now, just
trying to find the right balance.

JESSE
Celeste doesn’t smoke pot.

SKILLZ
She does now. She loves it.

Jesse takes this in. Tucker changes the subject.

TUCKER
How’s Veronica? She’s so sweet.

JESSE
Yeah, less sweet pregnant but it’s
probably just hormones.

TUCKER
But are you into it?

JESSE
Yeah, I really like her. She seems
great. For someone that I don’t
really know that’s having my baby.

“California Love” by Tupac (or whatever song we clear) comes
on and the cheerleaders start a routine.

SKILLZ
MY JAM!

Skillz stands up and starts breaking it down. He’s not that
good. Committed though. Jesse and Tucker continue to talk.

TUCKER
Are you scared?

JESSE
A little. Yes.

TUCKER
That’s great. You should be. Just
keep saying “yes.” I’m really proud
of you.
75.

Skillz looks at his cell phone. He shows Jesse a text from
Celeste that reads, “I need green. Now.”

SKILLZ
She’s like my top client now.

71 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-LATE NIGHT 71

Celeste is home from her date with Paul and is now obsessing
on Jesse’s Facebook page. His status reads “in a
relationship.” She’s drunk and this makes her sad. Oh,
there’s a video. It’s of Jesse and Veronica. Jesse presents
Veronica with a cake, she laughs and blows out the candles.
They kiss. Crushing. Confusing. Her doorbell rings.

CUT TO:

72 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-A COUPLE MINUTES LATER 72

The door opens to reveal Skillz. He holds up a bag of weed.

SKILLZ
Step out of the shadows and into
the light. Are you crying?

CELESTE
I don’t know what I’m doing. Dating
is stupid and all of a sudden, my
ex-husband bakes cakes? It’s
probably fucking gluten-free.

SKILLZ
What?

CELESTE
Nothing. Can you just roll a joint
please?

Skillz rolls a tight joint.

SKILLZ
Day by day, C. You need not trip.

Celeste takes a drag.

CELESTE
What are they like together?

SKILLZ
Who? Jesse and Veronica?
76.

CELESTE
Yeah.

SKILLZ
You know, they’re oh-kay. Jesse is
trying. It’s not all rainbows and
unicorns but…

CELESTE
So he’s not happy.

SKILLZ
I didn’t say that.

73 INT. POP FORM CONFERENCE ROOM-NEXT DAY 73

Pop Form employees file out of a Riley Banks meeting. Riley
approaches Celeste.

RILEY
I really like the logo.

CELESTE
Oh, thank you. Yeah, I think it’s
perfect.

RILEY
The I.M. Pei influence is pretty
cool.

CELESTE
Wow, yeah, there is a little of
that happening. I.M. Pei. Huh.

RILEY
Are you mocking me?

CELESTE
No, I’m just impressed that you
know anything about architecture.

RILEY
Why, because I’m a pop star? You
know what your thing is? Contempt
prior to investigation.

CELESTE
I’m sorry?

RILEY
You’re convinced you’re smarter
than everyone and THAT is your
dark little prison.
77.

CELESTE
Are you…?? How dare you…

Riley smiles at Celeste, turns and leaves.

74 INT. CELESTE’S PRIUS-LATER 74

Celeste is still reeling from Riley’s verbal undressing.

CELESTE
Dark little prison?? Bitch, what
does she know. You know what’s a
dark little prison?? Having to wear
midriffs for a living. What does
she…

Celeste is pulling into her driveway and notices…Jesse,
sitting on her porch, smoking a cigarette.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
What the fuck.

75 EXT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-A MOMENT LATER 75

Celeste cautiously walks up to her front door. Before she can
speak, Jesse does.

JESSE
I started smoking again.

CELESTE
I can see that. That must go well
with your pilates.

Jesse looks sad and confused.

JESSE
I don’t know what the rules are and
I’m sure I’m breaking them
but…god, I really miss you.

Celeste tries to digest this.

CELESTE
You want to come in?

CUT TO:

76 INT. CELESTE’S HOUSE-AN HOUR LATER 76

They are in her living room on the couch, have a drink.
78.

JESSE
Veronica is friends with the
assistant gallerist there and he
just really loved my stuff. I
don’t know, we’ll see…

CELESTE
Jesse, that’s great. I’m so happy
for you.

JESSE
Yeah, yeah. It’s great.

Why doesn’t he seem happier? He knocks back the rest of the
drink.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I should probably get home.

CELESTE
Yeah. It’s really nice to see you.

He hugs her. Tight. They breathe together. They hug
tighter. He pulls away, looks at her and kisses her for one
second, very tenderly. She pulls away.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
You should go.

JESSE
Can we just…lay here for a bit?

Celeste lays down and Jesse spoons behind her on the couch.
They hold each other. There’s a long drag of silence.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I can’t believe I’m having a
baby…and it’s not with you.

We see Celeste’s face but Jesse doesn’t. She’s crying.

77 INT. CELESTE’S LIVING ROOM- THE NEXT MORNING 77

The phone rings. It’s early. Celeste, still in her clothes
from the night before, wakes up. Jesse is gone. She fumbles
for the phone.

CELESTE
Yeah.
79.

SCOTT
We have a massive problem on our
hands. I need you in the office.
Now.

78 INT. POP FORM OFFICES-LATE AFTERNOON 78

INSERT of a large, magnified version of Riley’s “RB” logo. It
is pretty clear what the image looks like. Scott stares at
Celeste, waiting for her to freak out.

CELESTE
I don’t see anything.

SCOTT
(referring to the logo) It’s a
penis. And a butt.

CELESTE
What? Really? I don’t see it.

SCOTT
You can’t be serious. (points to
the logo) There’s the penis. And
there’s the penis going into the
butt.

CELESTE
I think it’s a stretch.

SCOTT
Well, it’s not a stretch, Celeste.

Scott puts a DVD into the DVD player. A reel of news clips
comes on.

NEWSCASTER
…teenagers were hoping to get a
little bit of the teen star’s
fashion magic but instead, they
have been suprised by what they
saw.

PARENT
There’s homosexual butt sex in the
logo. Does Riley think we’re that
stupid?? I will never support gay
marriage.
80.

NEWSCASTER
Neither Riley nor a representative
from Pop Form-the marketing company
responsible-could be reached for
comment.

Scott turns it off.

SCOTT
Celeste, what did you do. How
could be so careless?

Celeste picks up the magnified logo again.

CELESTE
Oh. Oh my God. Oh wow, I totally
see it now. WOW. Ha. Haha.
Hahahahaaha.

Celeste starts laughing uncontrollably. It’s the funniest
thing she’s ever seen.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
It’s a cock in a butt!!!
Hahahaahaaa!!

SCOTT
(fuming)Stop it. Stop laughing.

CELESTE
Scott, come on…

SCOTT
No, this is not a joke. Our
company’s in serious danger.

CELESTE
You’re being dramatic.

SCOTT
Get out. I can’t, with you, right
now. I have to deal with this. I’ll
call you soon.

Her laughter fades and she exits the conference room.

79 EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD.-LATER THAT DAY-DUSK 79

Bon Iver’s “Skinny Love” plays as Celeste walks slowly
amongst the celebrity impersonators, tourists and drunks on
the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
81.

It is intercut with a montage of Super 8 footage of Celeste
and Jesse in the past: At a seaside house, Jesse is
reluctantly cutting a head off a fish to cook it, Celeste is
repulsed but laughing. Celeste and Jesse cuddle in a sleeping
bag, fighting off the cold. Celeste and Jesse take cover in a
torrential New York City rain. They stand under an awning and
she smiles as she runs her hand through his wet hair. Celeste
is abruptly shaken out of her memories by a giant Chewbacca
hugging her before she has a chance to stop him.

CELESTE
No…okay.

80 INT. THE WELL BAR-EARLY EVENING 80

We see Jesse sitting at the dive bar. Celeste enters and
sits next to Jesse. She is happy to see him.

JESSE
Hey.

CELESTE
Hey.

JESSE
We gotta talk.

CELESTE
I know. That’s why I called.

JESSE
Celeste…

CELESTE
Wait, let me say something. I
don’t know what happened last
night. I don’t know what’s
happening with your other
situation. But I need to say this.
For the record, I fucked up. I was
cavalier about you. I took us for
granted. And I know this may sound
crazy but I’d be remiss if I
didn’t…if you were open to it…I
think that I could do better. With
you. With us. If there’s a chance
still…I’d like to know.

Jesse can’t even look at her.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Jesse?
82.

JESSE
I’m sorry. I can’t.

Jesse gets up and leaves.

81 EXT. THE WELL BAR-EVENING 81

Jesse walks out of the bar. He takes a deep breath and starts
walking. A beat later, Celeste tears out of the bar, walking
quickly after Jesse.

CELESTE
Hey!

Jesse pauses for a moment. He turns.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Why did you come to my house last
night?

JESSE
I don’t know.

CELESTE
Oh no, I think you do.

JESSE
I made a mistake.

CELESTE
And?

JESSE
I shouldn’t have come.

CELESTE
You’re a fucking coward.

JESSE
I’m just trying to do the right
thing with Veronica. I’m trying to
change.

CELESTE
Well, you never changed for me.

Jesse pauses.

JESSE
To be honest, you didn’t really let
me.
83.

CELESTE
Wow. All I did was wait for you to
grow up! I rooted for you, I
fucking paid for everything, I did
everything for you!

JESSE
Yeah, and I was never your equal.
And you know what? I think you
preferred it that way.

CELESTE
Right. Well, I know my success was
never easy for you.

JESSE
And how do you define success,
Celeste? Because you don’t look
very successful right now.

CELESTE
And you are? Pretending to be a
father? Pretending to be an adult?

JESSE
What do you want?

CELESTE
I just want you to admit that
you’re wrong!

JESSE
Wrong? Wrong about what? What did
you want me to do? Wait for you to
meet someone first? Is that how you
saw it happening?

Celeste doesn’t respond.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I didn’t expect to meet someone so
fast, but I did. And I think we
have a chance to be happy together.
I don’t want to blow that.

CELESTE
You know what, Jesse? You
definitely will blow it.

Jesse takes a beat. It stings.

JESSE
I feel really sorry for you. You
might be alone forever.
84.

He starts to walk away. Celeste call after him.

CELESTE
Don’t ever call me.

JESSE
Don’t worry about it.

Jesse walks away.

82 EXT. CELESTE’S GARDEN-NIGHT 82

Skillz and Celeste sit in her backyard and watch the last
scene from “Dirty Dancing.” The image is being projected onto
her garden wall. There is no sound. Instead, Bob Marley’s
“Kaya” plays over the speakers. Celeste is ripping an
enormous bowl from a four-foot bong. Skillz is on his knees,
bracing the bong, looking at Celeste with admiration. Celeste
watches the movie.

CELESTE
She’s so sad.

SKILLZ
Is she? I don’t think so.

CELESTE
No, she’s sad. I can tell. I went
to dance camp.

We see Jennifer Grey elevated above Patrick Swayze, looking
elated. Celeste exhales a huge billow of smoke.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
That’s the first good thing that’s
happened to me in months.

SKILLZ
Shit’ll get better.

CELESTE
Will it? You don’t know that.

Celeste grabs a handful of Cheetos from an economy-sized bag.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
How could he do this to me?

SKILLZ
J-Thunder? He’s not doing anything
to you. You wanted a divorce.
85.

CELESTE
But I didn’t want it like this.

SKILLZ
When we are no longer able to
change a situation, we are
challenged to change ourselves.

CELESTE
Huh?

SKILLZ
Oh. It’s Victor Frankl.

CELESTE
Huh.

Skillz gets up.

SKILLZ
I gotta go before Petco closes.

CELESTE
You have a pet?

SKILLZ
No, but I gotta get a toy for this
girl’s cat, you know, so she’ll
give up the kitty.

CELESTE
Can I come?

SKILLZ
No.

CELESTE
Will you bring me some Panda
Express?

SKILLZ
No.

CELESTE
Do you think the Obamas are really
in love?

SKILLZ
Yes. Enough questions. I’ll pick
you up at noon.

CELESTE
Noon?
86.

SKILLZ
Beth and Tucker’s pre-wedding BBQ?

CELESTE
Right, right.

SKILLZ
Hey, easy on the herb until then.
That shit is powerful.

CUT TO:

83 EXT. BETH AND TUCKER’S BACKYARD-DAY 83

Celeste is sitting alone, wearing sunglasses, and
uncharacteristically colorful clothes that don’t match. Like
a crazy lady jumpsuit. She is going to town on a HUGE plate
of food: chicken wings, fries, burger, hot dog, coleslaw, egg
salad and a beer. She attacks it like it’s her last meal
ever. She’s also trashed. Celeste gets up and heads towards a
group of people talking including, Beth’s mom, Beth and a
couple of her girlfriends.

BETH
Hi honey, you remember Eileen
from…

CELESTE
Do you have any more of that ranch
dressing? It’s the fucking
booooooomb.

Beth is embarrassed. Celeste gives Beth’s mom, CAROL, 60,
very large, a big sloppy hug.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Hi Carol! Beth’s getting married! I
was married, remember? These guys
are in for a fucking dogfight,
right?

Beth pulls Celeste away.

BETH
Let’s get you a soda.

They get to the bar.

CELESTE
Do you guys have any tequila?

BARTENDER
We only have Mimosas and Shandys.
87.

CELESTE
I’ll have both please.

Beth pulls Celeste away from the bar and brings her into the
house and plops her down on the couch.

BETH
I’m going to recommend some quiet
time for you right now.

CELESTE
Can I smoke?

BETH
No.

Celeste starts weeping.

CELESTE
I don’t want to be alone forever.

BETH
Not forever, honey. Just until you
sober up. You’ll be fine.

CELESTE
Okay then, I’ll just go to the
other side of the pool. I promise I
won’t make you look bad.

CUT TO:

84 EXT. BETH AND TUCKER’S POOL-LATER 84

Jesse and Veronica are talking to Beth. In the foreground,
Celeste slowly floats into frame on a raft in the pool,
passed out, face down, sunglasses half off, fully clothed.
Skillz approaches Beth.

BETH
At least she’s quiet now.

SKILLZ
I’m gonna get her out of here.

85 INT. BETH’S DUPLEX- HANCOCK PARK- NEXT DAY 85

Beth has tons of Barneys New York bags and is trying on
clothes for her rehearsal dinner. Celeste is in the fetal
position, hungover on Beth’s bed.
88.

CELESTE
(on the phone) Hey Riley, it’s
Celeste. I just want to talk to
you about this “error” in your
logo. I’m so, so sorry, I will fix
this…call me.

BETH
I just think it’s corny to wear
white two nights in a row. I want
to rock a pattern, or maybe
something in pastel…

She turns to Celeste in a dress.

BETH (CONT’D) (CONTD)
How’s this? C! Wake up! I’m
leaving in an hour and I have to
make a decision now. You owe me.
You humped my grandmother
yesterday.

Celeste is comatose.

BETH (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Oh no, are you okay?

CELESTE
What the fuck does Riley Banks
know.

BETH
Um…nothing. She’s a tart.

CELESTE
Yeah dude! She’s fucking moderately
talented, blessed with a good face
and has maybe 5 more years left of
stardom. Who is she to tell ME
what…

Celeste looks at her blackberry and realizes she never hung
up on Riley. Oh shit. She hangs up quick and throws the
blackberry across the bed.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I never hung up, I never hung up!
Fuck! Do you think she…

Her blackberry rings. It’s Riley. She takes a deep breath.
She picks, all casual.
89.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Hey Riley, what’s up?

RILEY
I need to talk to you. Come to my
house. Now.

CELESTE
Oh boy.

CUT TO:

86 INT. RILEY’S HOUSE- HOLLYWOOD HILLS-AFTERNOON 86

Celeste bursts in with all types of nervous energy.

CELESTE
The thing is, I have been having a
really hard time in my life,
everything is sort of falling apart
and when you said that thing about
contempt and investigation, it just
sort of hit a nerve and…

RILEY
Just, shut up for a minute.

Riley is in tears.

RILEY (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I just found out my boyfriend
cheated on me.

CELESTE
Oh. God, I’m sorry. I didn’t even
know you had a boyfriend.

RILEY
Nobody knew. He didn’t want anybody
to know. Fucking ass hole. And
now, my career might be over
because you put a penis in my logo.
Thank you for that.

Riley is clearly destroyed.

RILEY (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I didn’t know who to call.

Celeste gives Riley a big hug.
90.

CELESTE
So you called the smartest person
you know.

Riley smiles through her tears.

CUT TO:

87 INT. RILEY’S HOUSE- HOLLYWOOD HILLS-LATER THAT NIGHT 87

Riley is asleep on the couch with a blanket over her.
Celeste is up, watching “Great Sports Moments of 2008” on
ESPN Classic.

It is a recap of Matthias Steiner’s Olympic weight lifting
triumph after his wife died. Jesse’s favorite. Celeste is
crying. This wakes Riley up.

RILEY
Are you crying?

Celeste turns off the television.

CELESTE
Oh, yeah, this just reminds me of
someone.

RILEY
A guy?

CELESTE
Yeah. A guy.

RILEY
You miss him?

CELESTE
Yeah, I do.

RILEY
They all fucking suck.

CELESTE
Kind of.

RILEY
So it never gets better?

CELESTE
No, it doesn’t. But you do. You’re
gonna be fine.
91.

88 INT. DRY CLEANER’S-MORNING 88

Celeste is runs into a dry cleaners. She is out of breathe.
The long line of impatient people to see this dragon breather
who has broke the silence. She looks at her watch. She
stands diligently in line.

Celeste’s phone rings loudly. She picks it up.

CELESTE
Hi…I know I won’t…no I’m on the
road already! Near…Bakersfield?
Of course I’ll be there…love you
too.

She hangs up and was clearly lying. She must do something.
Something she does not want to do. She looks at the stoic
woman in front of her.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I’m so sorry but I am the maid of
honor and I am supposed to be at
the wedding real far away, would
you mind if I just got in front of
you?…

The woman reluctantly waves her to pass.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Thank you so much, I really do
appreciate…sir?

A disinterested man barely acknowledges Celeste.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I’m incredibly late for this
wedding and my dress is here, is
there any way…

He moves aside. The next man just stares at her.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Hi. I’m sure you heard me ask the
last guy but…

The camera pulls out. A wide shot of Celeste, imprisoned by
her own rules, asking every person to cut. It looks tedious
and ridiculous.

It’s Paul. Again. She pushes “Ignore.”

CUT TO:
92.

89 INT. CAR-DAY 89

Celeste chain smokes. She makes up songs about how shitty
the traffic is. She laughs uncontrollably. She just
screams.

90 INT. DELI-BIG SUR-LATE AFTERNOON 90

Celeste sits at a window counter. She looks out onto a small
street in the center of town. She unwraps her sandwich from
noisy, wax paper. It’s really quiet in the deli. She sees a
group of wedding guests outside. They wave. She waves back.

91 INT. RECEPTION TENT-EARLY EVENING 91

The wedding is under way.

PRIEST
I now pronounce you husband and
wife.

Tucker and Beth kiss. Everybody explodes in applause. We see
Celeste in the audience, clapping. She looks beat down and
tired.

CUT TO:

92 INT. RECEPTION TENT-NIGHT 92

Three girls, with no stage presence, are giving a speech.
They are trading off rhyming couplets.

GIRL #1
She pursued her love of Spanish
men, but missed her Tucker, more
than just as a friend.

GIRL #2
And our princess returned home to
her loving prince, and they’ve been
together ever since.

ALL THREE GIRLS
We love you, Bethy!!

The audience applauds. Celeste rolls her eyes.

GIRL #2
And now we’re gonna hear from
Celeste, Beth’s best friend in the
world.
93.

A little more applause. Celeste has completely forgotten she
was supposed to speak. Oh no. She gets up slowly and grabs
the mike.

CELESTE
Thank you. Thanks a lot, girls,
that was so…wow. There are no
words. Well, this is gonna sound
bad but I actually forgot that I
was speaking tonight.

Beth looks at her, frozen.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I don’t where to start. Um…how do
you get a nun pregnant? You fuck
her?

Beth’s father laughs uncontrollably. He’s the only one
laughing.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Thanks, Tom. Man, it was much
longer than I thought to get to Big
Sur from Los Angeles on a Friday
afternoon. Stellar call on having a
destination wedding the weekend
before 4th of July. Busiest travel
day of the year. So thanks for
that, Mrs. Weinberg.

Wedding guests look uncomfortable.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
But the truth is, I would go
anywhere for Beth. She’s my best
friend. And I’m so happy for her.
Senior year of college, we had a
tradition. Every Sunday, come rain
or shine, Beth and Tucker would
meet me and Jesse at the Bishop
with a 12-pack of Miller High Life,
the champagne of beers, and we
would meet to talk about what was
important in the world, you know,
Heidegger’s influence on hip-hop.
Or the feminist duality on “Melrose
Place.” Life’s big questions. Beth
and Tucker were just friends then
but there was always something
there. Just an ease they had with
each other. Jesse and I spent years
trying to get them together,
unsuccessfully.
(MORE)
94.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
But we all remained friends and
watched as Tucker dated the most
slutty, vacuous and vile girls on
the planet. For five long years.

Tucker flinches.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Finally, he removed his head from
his ass, and saw what was in front
of him. And that was beautiful
Beth. And none of us could be
happier about it; they were
perfect. At last. Love wins.

Wedding guests clap. They think it’s over. It’s not.
Celeste looks at Jesse in the crowd. Veronica is next to
him.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Um…Jesse and I are getting a
divorce. So that’s…yeah, our
timing was not as good, I guess.
Beth and Tucker, you are lucky to
be best friends. Work hard and
respect that. It doesn’t come
easily. Be patient, don’t always
think you’re right. And if you are,
it doesn’t fucking matter anyway.
Fight for it, everyday, I wish I
had.

93 EXT. RECEPTION TENT-AN HOUR LATER 93

Celeste is holding a small plate of food. Jesse sidles up to
her.

JESSE
I know this may not the best time
to talk about this…but…at some
point, we will have to talk about
Tucker’s dance moves.

INSERT of Tucker dancing on the dance floor. It’s
unexplainable. It’s shocking how terrible it is.

CELESTE
He is so special. Not as special as
that poem. That those girls did?

JESSE CELESTE
Wow. Wow.
95.

He takes a beat.

JESSE
Your speech was really…beautiful.
Thank you.

CELESTE
I meant it.

JESSE
I know.

CELESTE
You know what else is beautiful?

Celeste picks up a baby gerkin from her plate and starts to
jerk it off, as she and Jesse did earlier and as they have
done many times.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Oh god, tug it.

Jesse starts to participate. He dips his finger in the creme
fraiche and puts it on the top of the gerkin.

JESSE
Aw yeah! Fuck!

Jesse and Celeste are in hysterics. Just then, Veronica
arrives.

VERONICA
Jesse?

JESSE
Hey.

Celeste and Jesse stop like two children who just got caught.

VERONICA
What are you doing?

JESSE
What? Nothing. We’re just…

He looks at Celeste for cover. She is giddy, wasted and happy
to explain.

CELESTE
Oh, Jesse and I do this thing where
we find the littlest thing that
resembles a penis and we just, you
know…
96.

Celeste and Jesse demonstrate for Veronica. Celeste looks up
and realizes how dumb this must seem.

VERONICA
I don’t get it.

Celeste and Jesse stop.

CELESTE
It’s stupid.

Veronica is looking at Celete’s food.

VERONICA
Oh, the foods out. (to Celeste) See
you on the dance floor? Watch out
for Tucker though.

They leave Celeste, standing alone, smiling. She bites into
the carrot.

94 INT. WEDDING TENT-LATER 94

We see a raucous wedding dance floor. Everyone’s dancing:
Beth, Tucker, their families, their friends, Jesse, Veronica,
Scott, etc. They are doing wedding dances. Celeste sits at
her table, watching with a smile. It is bittersweet for her.
She drinks a martini. Alone.

95 INT. PAUL’S CONDO-NIGHT 95

Celeste and Paul are playing scrabble and drinking wine.

PAUL
(keeping score on a notepad) So,
that’s 38 points plus 50 bonus
points for using all my tiles so…

CELESTE
Wait, wait, wait. I think I may
have to challenge. Zooecia?? That’s
not a word, that’s my hoochie
cousin’s name!

PAUL
Are you challenging or not?

CELESTE
Yes, I definitely am.
97.

PAUL
Well, I will tell you that Zooecia
is a sac secreted by a compound
organism but here you go. (he hands
her the Scrabble dictionary) Look
for yourself.

Celeste finds the word, reads the definition and silently
accepts defeat.

PAUL (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Ha ha! I go again.

CELESTE
I’ve never lost a game of Scrabble
in my life.

PAUL
Well, nothing lasts forever.

96 INT. PAUL’S LIVING ROOM- LATER 96

Celeste and Paul are making out on the couch.

PAUL
I’m so sorry I beat you in
Scrabble.

CELESTE
No you’re not.

PAUL
You’re right, I’m not.

The making out gets a little hotter. Celeste is aggressive.

CELESTE
Will you get a condom?

PAUL
Uh…I don’t think we should…

CELESTE
No, you’re using a condom.

PAUL
No, I don’t think we should sleep
together.

Celeste pulls away from him.

CELESTE
What?
98.

PAUL
I just…I don’t know.

CELESTE
Are you not into it?

PAUL
No, no believe me, I’m into it.

CELESTE
Then, what’s the deal?

PAUL
I really like you.

CELESTE
Right, I’m confused…why not sleep
with me then?

PAUL
Because I think I might really like
you.

CELESTE
Oh. (further realizing) Oh. Okay.
Well, I like you too.

Celeste looks distant.

97 INT. L.A. NIGHTCLUB-NIGHT 97

Celeste is at a loud, trendy club. She sits next to Riley.
They have to shout to be heard.

RILEY
THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE MOST
EMBARRASSING SPEECH EVER! HOW WILL
SHOW YOUR FACE TO YOUR FRIENDS EVER
AGAIN?

CELESTE
ACTUALLY, WEIRDLY, I’M KINDA HAPPY
I DID IT. I FEEL BETTER SOMEHOW.

RILEY
WELL GOOD FOR YOU THEN.

Celeste looks around at lots of men, grinding each other with
whistles in their mouth and drinks in their hands.

CELESTE
THE GAYS REALLY KNOW HOW TO PARTY,
HUH?
99.

RILEY
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Celeste just looks at her like, “Oh you poor, sheltered
Disney princess. Are you serious?”

CELESTE
THIS IS A GAY CLUB.

RILEY
IT’S OPENING NIGHT HERE. IT DOESN’T
KNOW WHAT IT IS YET.

Still nothing from Riley.

CELESTE
RILEY, THE CLUB IS CALLED SWALLOW.

Riley looks around and takes it in. Aha, right. Celeste
looks out amongst the crowd. Just then, two beefy, waxed,
tanned, well-groomed gay men walk up to Celeste.

GAY MAN
Excuse me, can you please tell your
friend Riley that we worship her??

GAY MAN #2
OMG, she’s so pretty!

CELESTE
Sure…

Celeste notices that they are both wearing the Riley Banks t-
shirts, made for pre-teens, with the cock-in-the-butt mistake
in the logo. She points at it.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Wait, are you aware that the logo
is…

GAY MAN #2
A dick in a butt? Yeahhh!

GAY MAN
It’s amazing. All of our friends
are rocking it. It’s like the gay
Izod.

The gay man points to a group of his friends on the dance
floor, ALL wearing Riley Banks gear, some of them have even
made their own t-shirts with the cock in the butt logo
magnified.
100.

CELESTE
Wow, so, what, you just buy the
biggest size they make?

GAY MAN
How dare you, I’m a size 10 in
tween. I have a slight frame.

They walk away, offended. Celeste turns to Riley. She is
being adored by gay men.

RILEY
I LOVE IT HERE!!

Celeste has a big idea.

98 EXT. RUNYON CANYON-MORNING 98

Celeste is hiking alone on the phone, energized.

CELESTE
Tweens don’t want her anymore. But
the gays do! Ten percent of
Americans are gay, Scott. You’re
gay, start thinking gay. Gay Izod.
She could be Lady Gaga by the end
of the year. Huge market.

SCOTT
Wow, you might have just turned the
cock in the butt around.

CELESTE
We WILL make the cock in the butt
work for us. The cock in the butt
will be huge!

Just then, a mom and two small children walk by her, overhear
her dirty mouth and glare at her. She waves at them self-
consciously.

MONTAGE OVER SHUGGIE OTIS’ “INSPIRATION INFORMATION”:

A98 SHOT OF CELESTE, PAUL, BETH AND TUCKER EATING DINNER AT A98
LOTERIA MEXICAN RESTAURANT. PAUL IS TELLING A STORY-HE
IS ANIMATED AND CONFIDENT. CELESTE LOOKS AT HIM, SLIGHTLY
EMBARRASSED. A MOMENT LATER, BETH AND TUCKER ERUPT IN
LAUGHTER. CELESTE SMILES.
101.

B98 SHOT OF JESSE AND VERONICA WAITING IN THE DOCTOR’S B98
OFFICE, LOOKING NERVOUS. JESSE OFFERS VERONICA HIS HAND.
SHE GRABS IT AND SMILES.

C98 SHOT OF CELESTE, RILEY AND SCOTT AT A T-SHIRT SIGNING AT C98
“A FRIEND OF DOROTHY’S,” A GAY STORE IN WEST HOLLYWOOD.

99 INT. TARGET-AFTERNOON 99

Celeste is shopping for a dresser. She is talking to a
salesperson.

SALESMAN
So, it comes with directions and
it’s actually really easy to
assemble.

CELESTE
Look, you do not know me. I do not
want to assemble. Trust me, you do
not want me to assemble. Bad things
happen. Could I just take the floor
model? I’ll hook you up.

SALESMAN
Lemme go ask my manager.

CELESTE
Thanks, dude.

Celeste is browsing and spots Veronica with a shopping cart
filled with baby stuff. She approaches her.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Veronica? Hey, Celeste.

VERONICA
Of course, yeah, hi! What are you
doing?

CELESTE
Oh, I’m getting a dresser. You?

VERONICA
Oh, you know getting…

VERONICA (CONT’D) CELESTE
Baby stuff. Baby stuff.

VERONICA (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Beth is uh…throwing me a baby
shower? So I have to register.
102.

CELESTE
She is?

Celeste swallows this.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
That’s uh…really nice.

VERONICA
Very. And so helpful right now.

CELESTE
Of course. (laughs nervously) Well,
looks like you’re really organized.

VERONICA
Organized, terrified.

CELESTE
You’ll do great.

VERONICA
Thanks. I hope so.

They share an awkward moment.

VERONICA (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Listen, I never got a chance to
just tell you I’m so sorry about
all this. Trust me, I didn’t
expect…

CELESTE
No, don’t. Really. There’s nothing
to apologize for. I’m the one who’s
sorry. I mean, I dug through your
trash.

Celeste laughs.

VERONICA
Look, I don’t blame you. For
anything. This has all been so
weird. Everything happened really
fast.

CELESTE
Yeah, it did. But everything will
work out. I know it. Jesse’s book
is coming out…

VERONICA
He’s so talented.
103.

A beat.

CELESTE
Yeah, he is.

An awkward silence.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Well, good luck. Nice to see you.

VERONICA
You too.

They both steer their carts towards each other in opposite
directions but bump right into each other.

CELESTE
Oh sorry!

VERONICA
Oh, it’s okay! Bye again.

100 INT. ROSEN KARAOKE-KOREATOWN- LATER THAT NIGHT 100

Celeste and Paul are in a private karaoke room. Paul is
belting his heart out, singing Boyz II Men, “On Bended Knee.”
Celeste is loving it. She has her own mike and pipes in once
in a while with a harmony.

PAUL
Can somebody tell me how to get
things back the way they used to
be…oh God give me a reason, I’m
down on bended knee..ooohohhh ooooh

CELESTE
Ooohh ohhh. Til you come back to
me..

PAUL
I’m down on bended knee hee hee
hee.

They finish with a huge applause for themselves and toast
with beers.

PAUL (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I think we’re really good.

CELESTE
No, we ARE really good.
104.

Celeste punches in the numbers for the next song. It’s
“Islands in the Stream,” made popular by Kenny Rogers and
Dolly Parton.

PAUL
Aw shit!

CELESTE
Get ready. You’re first.

PAUL
Baby when I met you, there was
peace on earth, I set out get you
with a fine tooth comb. I was soft
inside. Soft inside? What the fuck?

CELESTE
Shhh come on. Focus.

PAUL
You do something to me, that I
can’t explain, hold me closer, and
I feel no pain. Tender love is
blind, it requires a dedication.

Celeste and Paul sing in harmony.

CELESTE PAUL
Honest love, we feel, needs Honest love, we feel, needs
conversation. And we ride it conversation. And we ride it
it together, uh huh… it together, uh huh…

Celeste slowly drops her mike. Paul is still singing.

CELESTE
(quietly) I can’t.

PAUL
What? Come on, we’re so good
together. Islands in the stream,
that is what we are. Get in there!!
This is my favorite part!

CELESTE
No. I can’t.

PAUL
I know I’m pitchy but I’m finding
it. Sail away with me…

CELESTE
No. This. Us. I’m sorry.

Paul slowly drops his mike.
105.

PAUL
What do you mean?

CELESTE
I just…can’t.

PAUL
Are you serious? Oh no. Why?

He sits down on the couch. The music is still playing in the
background.

CELESTE
I think I need to be alone? I’m not
ready. I’m having fun and I feel
like I’m beginning to like you and
I just don’t think I’m ready for
that.

PAUL
What? Really?

Celeste doesn’t say anything.

PAUL (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Wow, you’re breaking my heart.

CELESTE
I’m so sorry. You are so…great.
But I’m getting divorced.

PAUL
Celeste, I know.

CELESTE
I think I need to go through this
alone.

PAUL
Yeah. Yeah, okay. I respect that.
Live by will, not by force.

CELESTE
What?

PAUL
You’re only ready when you’re
ready, you know? Don’t force it.
It’s just some yoga shit.

CELESTE
Thanks.
106.

PAUL
But I do like you. I like you a
lot. And when you are ready, if
you’re ready, call me.

101 INT. STEIN, WEINBERG, STEINBERG & JIMENEZ LAW FIRM – 101
AFTERNOON

Celeste and Jesse sit across from each other with their
respective lawyers. They are both dressed very well. The
atmosphere is formal, tense. There is not a lot of talking
but there is a lot of loud paper shuffling and ball point
pens. CELESTE’S LAWYER, male, 40, speaks:

CELESTE’S LAWYER
Sign here. And here. And here.

Celeste looks up, makes eye contact with Jesse and smiles
uncomfortably.

CELESTE’S LAWYER (CONT’D) (CONTD)
And here. Here. Yup. Aaaaaand
here. Here. Couple more. Here…

Celeste is still signing. She looks at Jesse again, who is
straightening his tie.

CELESTE
I like that tie.

JESSE
Oh, thank you.

CELESTE’S LAWYER
One more here.

CELESTE
Is it made out of organic mung
beans?

Jesse nods and chuckles.

JESSE
No, I actually found it digging
through your trash.

CELESTE
Ohhh, I see. All right.

They’ve broken the tension. But it’s still silent. Then
Jesse chortles. It sounds like a baby pig. It makes Celeste
laugh.
107.

Now, both Celeste and Jesse are silently cracking up, doubled
over as their lawyers sit there, watching them, perplexed.

102 EXT. STEIN, WEINBERG, STEINBERG & JIMENEZ LAW FIRM – 102
A LITTLE LATER

Celeste and Jesse walk out of the building.

JESSE
So…we’re divorced!

They high five. What are you supposed to do when you get
divorced.

CELESTE
We did it.

JESSE
You wanna walk for a couple
minutes?

CELESTE
Sure.

CUT TO:

103 EXT. LACMA- SUNDOWN 103

Celeste and Jesse are now approaching the front of “Urban
Light,” the installation from the beginning of the movie.
The street lamps are now illuminated. She takes a seat on a
step. Jesse sits next to her. She refers to the lamps:

CELESTE
These are beautiful.

JESSE
I thought you hated them.

CELESTE
Yeah, well, I’ve never seen them at
night.

Jesse looks at the lamps and takes them in. He looks pretty
sad.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
What’s up with you? I know we just
got divorced but no one died,
right?
108.

JESSE
I’m just feeling like maybe you
were right. I am a fuck up. I
don’t know what I’m doing. My
girlfriend left.

There is a long pause.

CELESTE
What? Veronica? Left where?

JESSE
Left me. She wanted me to tell her
everything was gonna be okay and I
couldn’t. I don’t know why but I
just…couldn’t. She wants to go
back to Brussels.

Another monumental pause. Jesse’s eyes start tearing up.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Okay, you can say it now. You were
right, I blew it. Just say it.

CELESTE
Hey…don’t do that.

JESSE
Do what?

CELESTE
You are not a loser. You never
were. You took a chance. I admire
that and I believe in you.

JESSE
You do?

CELESTE
I do. And I want to thank you.

JESSE
For what?

CELESTE
For never being the person I wanted
you to be.

JESSE
Oh, you’re welcome.

CELESTE
Go get her.
109.

JESSE
But I don’t know if everything is
gonna be all right.

CELESTE
Well, who does? Do you love her?

Jesse looks at Celeste.

JESSE
I do.

CELESTE
Then it’s worth fighting for.

JESSE
Okay. Okay.

Celeste smiles with tears in her eyes.

CELESTE
God, I finally understand why you
fucking cry all the time. Shit is
emotional.

They share a laugh. Then, they sit in silence for a beat.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
You deserve to be happy. And I wish
that for you, always.

JESSE
Me too.

CELESTE
So…I guess we were right.

JESSE
Huh?

Celeste makes the “C and J” hand gesture from the high school
photo in the opening montage. Jesse makes it back. They
smile.

JESSE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
I love you.

He kisses her on the lips. For the last time. And then, he’s
gone.

CELESTE
I love you too.
110.

Celeste sits awhile and looks up at the sky.

104 INT. CELESTE’S PRIUS- NEXT DAY 104

Celeste drives and dials a number on her bluetooth.

CELESTE
Hey. So, you’re probably giving
your card to some girl in yoga
right now. But if that doesn’t work
out for you…I think I may be
ready. To beat you in Scrabble.

105 EXT. GAS STATION- A MOMENT LATER 105

Celeste runs in to pay for gas. She is on her Blackberry.

106 INT. GAS STATION MART 106

Celeste stands in line with some gum and water. A young man
blatantly cuts in front of her with a gallon of water. Old
Celeste returns for a moment.

CELESTE
Excuse me, sir?

The young man turns around. Celeste realizes she’s no longer
this person. She restrains herself.

CELESTE (CONT’D) (CONTD)
Nothing.

Celeste takes in how she has changed. She smiles a little.
The young man turns back to her.

YOUNG MAN
Hey, I’m sorry for cutting. My
dog’s in the car and he’s really
thirsty. So, thanks.

CELESTE
No problem.

She smiles again. The world feels bigger now.

FADE OUT[amazonjs asin=”B00DYQUGEC” locale=”JP” title=”セレステ&ジェシー DVD”]




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